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Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Electric Dock Ellis Acid Test: An Attempt To Recreate His Drug-Addled No-Hitter, On Xbox

Turn on, tune in, Doumit.

I took my first strip of the stuff… at approximately 12:30 in the afternoon and it took about 30 minutes for the first burst of spastic wooziness to arrive. The games began, with an MLB2K11 custom-generated Dock Ellis leading the 2011 Pirates against the 2011 San Diego Padres, a considerably less fearsome offensive bunch than the woeful ‘70 Pads, who at least had homer-thumping Nate Colbert in the cleanup spot… We’d agreed in advance that once I gave up a hit, I’d start again…

Between games I’d slump over to the left side of the couch, or wander out to the back garden, overcome by the majesty of how pretty these leaves were and how many different shades of green existed in the world and how tough it must be to distinguish all these greens. Like, how do you name a color? Whose job is that? God’s marketing directors? When does celadon morph into chartreuse? Viridian become teal? But most importantly, when did Nick Hundley become Adrian Gonzalez?...

By the time we arrived at the pizza parlor things were threatening to go haywire. That ricotta pie was clearly agitated by my presence. Toder relayed my order for me and handled the money transaction with the counterperson, because I could not possibly participate in such activities with the ######## pizza being all mouthy and with the fearsome heat of that big oven so close by. Toder handed me my large cup of Dr Pepper and we were soon outside again on the crooked sidewalk, headed back to the ballpark inside my TV to accomplish greatness.

The District Attorney Posted: July 28, 2011 at 08:11 PM | 14 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: baseball geeks, history, pirates

Reader Comments and Retorts

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   1. zachtoma Posted: July 28, 2011 at 09:46 PM (#3887934)
I've done this as well, in college, using the Total Classics mod for MVP Baseball 2005 (that mod had the 79 Padres and 84 Padres...? I think I used MVP Edit to rework those teams to their 1970 rosters). I didn't throw a no-hitter. I only threw one no-hitter in years of playing that game (the last baseball sim for the PC, and it was a great one), and that was using the 1994 mod - it was Ken Hill of the Expos against the Astros* in Game 5 of the NLCS.

*BTW, Jeff Bagwell's 1994 is one of the most underrated great seasons in modern baseball history, undoubtedly due to the strike. That year, he was better than Frank Thomas ever was, better than Pujols' best year - in fact, it may be the best ever offensive season by a 1B not named Gehrig.
   2. Golfing Great Mitch Cumstein Posted: July 28, 2011 at 10:43 PM (#3887963)
Why is this #### getting posted almost three weeks after it was on Deadspin? Shouldn't that be a sign nobody cares.
   3. Enrico Pallazzo Posted: July 28, 2011 at 11:07 PM (#3887971)
I care. I thought it was hilarious, especially the article. I've never dropped acid but I've had a few mushroom trips and thought that his descriptions were hilarious because I could relate. The baseball portion wasn't terribly interesting, however, and I guess this is Baseball Think Factory. The video would have been funnier (and he would have enjoyed the experience more) if he weren't frustrating himself deliberately.
   4. Dan Posted: July 28, 2011 at 11:30 PM (#3887977)
Should've used The Show on PS3. Much better game than MLB 2kX.
   5. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: July 28, 2011 at 11:34 PM (#3887980)
He should take mushrooms and then make Super Mario take mushrooms.
   6. hokieneer Posted: July 28, 2011 at 11:36 PM (#3887984)
#1, While I was in college I played that game all the time for the ps2. It's the only video baseball game where I played a full 162 games + postseason without a single simulation (now married and with child, a personal feat I'll likely never accomplish again). I actually made it till around the all-star break of year 2 before I stopped.

I played as the Marlins, which had a staff of Beckett, Willis, Burnett, Lieter. I could always pitch on the MVP games a hundred times better than I could hit. I threw one perfect game with D-Train, and I think at least a no-hitter with AJ.

Do you still play it, and if so is the PC version of that game *available* for download. I'd like to try it out, esp if there is still a mod community to recreate past teams.
   7. PreservedFish Posted: July 29, 2011 at 12:03 AM (#3887995)
I threw a 10 inning perfect game with Randy Tomlin in Front Page Sports Baseball 94. I was 13, and not under the influence of any drugs, although given my habits at the time I may have had 5-10 Pepsis that day.

Some of you might remember that the game's physics were screwed up, so that the harder you threw the ball, the harder it went off the bat. Pitchers with good velocity were, thus, horrible. One could easily draft a 120 win team because the best pitchers in the game (Randy Tomlin, Bob Welch, Bill Wegman etc) were available in the last rounds.
   8. zachtoma Posted: July 29, 2011 at 12:38 AM (#3888007)
I stopped playing it when I got a new PC, but I've been tempted to reinstall it because I still have all the great mods that kept that game so fresh and fun for years (and they are still on I mean, seriously great mods - updates for every season through 2008, a full Carribean makeover, like a dozen seasons from baseball history - 1927, 1981, 1994, 1999, 1956, etc., many all-time great teams packages - the mod community has turned the game from a solid if unremarkable EA Sports sim into a flat-out classic. I keep holding off because I don't need something else to distract me, but I know I'll just find another way to waste time anyways. I'm lucky enough to still have the original game discs, which apparently fetch a lot now on eBay. The game is, however, *available* - one word: torrents. Since it's a 6 year-old game that is only available on the secondary market, I don't think you have to feel too bad about dl'ing it.
   9. Tin Angel Posted: July 29, 2011 at 12:45 AM (#3888010)
I really hope children reading this web site aren't encouraged to try acid because of this link.

Kids- stay away from the acid. Stick to alcohol, mushrooms, and weed...and maybe just a little coke on the weekends. It's always cool to be healthy!
   10. Misirlou doesn't live in the restaurant Posted: July 29, 2011 at 12:54 AM (#3888016)
*BTW, Jeff Bagwell's 1994 is one of the most underrated great seasons in modern baseball history, undoubtedly due to the strike. That year, he was better than Frank Thomas ever was, better than Pujols' best year - in fact, it may be the best ever offensive season by a 1B not named Gehrig.

Only because of the strike. Remember, Bagwell broke his arm a few days before the strike, and would have been out for the rest of the season. Since the season ended a few days later it was irrelevant, but if there were no strike, a terrific 110 games would be little more than a footnote instead of an MVP performance, like Ted Williams in 1955.
   11. Dale Sams Posted: July 29, 2011 at 01:24 AM (#3888029)
Tim Wakefield was my MVP Baseball 2005 Cy Young winner and league MVP.
   12. Dock Ellis Posted: July 29, 2011 at 01:56 AM (#3888039)
   13. SuperGrover Posted: July 29, 2011 at 03:41 AM (#3888059)
*BTW, Jeff Bagwell's 1994 is one of the most underrated great seasons in modern baseball history, undoubtedly due to the strike. That year, he was better than Frank Thomas ever was, better than Pujols' best year - in fact, it may be the best ever offensive season by a 1B not named Gehrig.

Frank's numbers that season were close to Bagwell's and there's no telling who would've performed better down the stretch (discounting the borken hand for a second). At the strike, they had OPS+'s of 213 and 211, with Bagwell enjoying a slugging advantage (.750 to .729), Thomas enjoying an OBP and overall OPS advantage (.487 and 1.217 to .451 and 1.201), with Bagwell doing so in a much tougher environment (hence the better OPS+).

If you factor in fielding and baserunning, Bagwell was the obviously more valuable player. However, at the plate, it was neck and neck and both were headed to seasons that were better at the plate than anything Pujols has done thus far.
   14. hokieneer Posted: July 29, 2011 at 04:50 AM (#3888073)
Both of them had a semi-realistic shot at the triple crown to go along with the 1.200+ OPS. I would guess Thomas had the better chance because there was no Gwynn in the AL.

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