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Thursday, November 15, 2012

The end of liberty, baseball in America - Baseball Nation

I am really going to miss my mother.  :’(

However, for me, I’m choosing another rather unique path; a personal boycott, if you will. Starting early this morning, I am going to un-friend every single individual on Facebook who supported Miguel Cabrera, or I even suspect may have anti-sabermetric leanings. I will do the same in person. All family and friends, even close family and friends, who I know to be Cabrera supporters are hereby dead to me. I vow never to speak to them again for the rest of my life, or have any communications with them. They are in short, the enemies of liberty. They deserve nothing less than hatred and utter contempt.

I strongly urge all other sabermetricans to do the same. Are you married to someone who supported Cabrera, have a girlfriend who voted ‘M’. Divorce them. Break up with them without haste. Vow not to attend family functions, Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas for example, if there will be any family members in attendance who were Triple Crown fetishists.

Jim Furtado Posted: November 15, 2012 at 08:34 PM | 14 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: funny, sabermetrics

Reader Comments and Retorts

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   1. The District Attorney Posted: November 15, 2012 at 08:41 PM (#4303810)
The tough part will be satirizing that article's comment section.
   2. Dale Sams Posted: November 15, 2012 at 08:49 PM (#4303821)
And when it comes out that Cabrera vaporizes Afghan, Yemeni, Libyan, Iraqi, Somalian and Pakstani women and children?

35 game suspension I hope.
   3. Rickey! In a van on 95 south... Posted: November 15, 2012 at 09:01 PM (#4303830)
Nicely played.
   4. thok Posted: November 15, 2012 at 09:12 PM (#4303836)
Is this where I should be ranting about Cabrera infringing on my Second Amendment right to metal bats?
   5. Jolly Old St. Nick Still Gags in October Posted: November 15, 2012 at 09:48 PM (#4303863)
However, for me, I’m choosing another rather unique path; a personal boycott, if you will. Starting early this morning, I am going to un-friend every single individual on Facebook who supported Miguel Cabrera, or I even suspect may have anti-sabermetric leanings. I will do the same in person. All family and friends, even close family and friends, who I know to be Cabrera supporters are hereby dead to me. I vow never to speak to them again for the rest of my life, or have any communications with them. They are in short, the enemies of liberty. They deserve nothing less than hatred and utter contempt.

I'm guessing specifically that this is a parody of that crazy guy who wrote an almost identical rant about what he was going to do to anyone he knew who voted for Obama. It's kind of like shooting fish in a barrel, but it's still not a bad job.

EDIT: Okay, I just read it, and now it's even more obvious that this is what it was. The first paragraph is a dead giveaway.
   6. boteman digs the circuit clout Posted: November 15, 2012 at 09:59 PM (#4303879)
I didn't find it funny, mostly tedious.
   7. pthomas Posted: November 15, 2012 at 10:12 PM (#4303895)
Lets start a petition for the NL to secede from MLB because of the dangerous Agenda 21 Delphi brainwashing on the DH.....
   8. Lassus Posted: November 15, 2012 at 10:39 PM (#4303921)
Well done.
   9. Bob Tufts Posted: November 15, 2012 at 10:54 PM (#4303938)
Meh. I would have selected Trout, but c'mon, who still takes sportswriters seriously?

   10. President of the David Eckstein Fan Club Posted: November 15, 2012 at 11:03 PM (#4303951)
Not even will get the reference (one of my friends missed the link at the bottom and was perplexed) but I found it amusing
   11. Gamingboy Posted: November 15, 2012 at 11:51 PM (#4303973)
To be fair, America had a good run. I mean, remember when we landed on the moon? Or when we landed in Normandy?

Good times.
   12. Ray (RDP) Posted: November 15, 2012 at 11:56 PM (#4303981)
Liked the parody.
   13. Jolly Old St. Nick Still Gags in October Posted: November 16, 2012 at 12:47 AM (#4304014)
To be fair, America had a good run. I mean, remember when we landed on the moon? Or when we landed in Normandy?

Good times.


And don't forget the pinnacle of our patriotic power, when the Yanks won those 5 straight World Series. I can't remember when America has ever stood taller or whistled a more joyful tune.
   14. Voros McCracken of Pinkus Posted: November 16, 2012 at 01:02 AM (#4304021)
Dondero's 15 minutes of (in)fame is really freakin' annoying.

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