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Friday, July 25, 2008

The most disturbing Manny Ramirez article ever

I once asked a prominent relief pitcher to describe the most idiotic thing he had witnessed in the big leagues. “That’s easy,” he said, and launched into the story of a former teammate—an All-Star outfielder—who refused to use toilet paper. A clubhouse attendant supplied the player with a daily ration of hand towels, which, when soiled, would be flushed.

One afternoon the reliever came in from batting practice to find the locker room awash in frantic maintenance workers. When he asked a plumber what all the fuss was about, he was told that a washcloth-clogged toilet had overflowed and was threatening to submerge the bathroom stalls. “Of all the dumb stuff I’ve seen that particular outfielder do,” the stopper told me, “that was the dumbest.”

That particular outfielder was, of course, Manny Ramirez.

It’s just….

MANNY BEING MANNY!

Hat-tip (I guess) to Deadspin. I’m not sure whether to laugh or throw up now.

Gamingboy Posted: July 25, 2008 at 04:38 PM | 110 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
Tags: red sox, rumors, special topics

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1. RB in NYC (Now Semi-Retired from BBTF) Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:24 PM (#2872962)

Huh. How about that?

2. phredbird

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:29 PM (#2872967)

I’m not sure whether to laugh or throw up now.

i'll throw up. i'm used to it after watching the cards/brewers all week.

3. The District Attorney Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:30 PM (#2872970)

Manny peeing Manny

4. Shooty would run in but these bone spurs hurt!

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:31 PM (#2872971)

Not even Charmin extra soft is good enough for Manny? Mr. Whipple better watch the hell out.

5. Shooty would run in but these bone spurs hurt!

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:37 PM (#2872977)

If he's that particular, his #### better be laden with Tiffany cufflinks.

I'm not proud. I would totally let kevin reach into the muck to pull me out some cuff links.

6. Heinie Mantush (Krusty) Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:39 PM (#2872979)

Well, it still doesn't beat Moises Alou...

7. aleskel

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:40 PM (#2872981)

well, at least we know more about those phantom "knee injuries"

8. Shooty would run in but these bone spurs hurt!

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:45 PM (#2872987)

I'm not proud.

Then reach in there yourself, Magellan.

Naw. I defer to the experts!

9. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:45 PM (#2872991)

Manny's the leader of the new "Go Go Sox."

10. Shooty would run in but these bone spurs hurt!

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:48 PM (#2872994)

Manny's the leader of the new "Go Go Sox."

This is going to be a good thread.

11. winnipegwhip Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:50 PM (#2872995)

Manny being Manny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ciEDMN35xE

12. JRVJ (formerly Delta Socrates) Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:50 PM (#2872997)

I wonder if Manny has a dog named Rags.

13. Halofan Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:51 PM (#2872998)

This explains why no team took him on the unconditional waivers.

14. flournoy Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:52 PM (#2872999)

Who the heck flushes washcloths anyway??

15. Shooty would run in but these bone spurs hurt!

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:52 PM (#2873000)

So...who's the reliever? Keith Foulke?

16. JMPH Posted: July 25, 2008 at 05:59 PM (#2873005)

So...who's the reliever? Keith Foulke?

The ones I've come up with are Foulke, Gagne, Lyon, and Todd Jones, all of whom could be described as "prominent" and are former teammates of Manny.

17. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:08 PM (#2873019)

I'm sick of these Manny Ramirez smear pieces. As was the plumber.

18. xbhaskarx Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:08 PM (#2873020)

Ah the lovable Manny, showing up opposing pitchers after home runs, helping sell bbq grills on ebay, beating up senior citizens...

19. Jefferson Manship (Dan Lee) Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:09 PM (#2873021)

Could just as easily be Bob Wickman, Danny Graves, or David Riske. Although there are some people who would say that Wickman has seen some really disturbing stuff in the clubhouse.

20. Smiling Joe Hesketh Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:09 PM (#2873022)

It's a smear campaign.

21. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:12 PM (#2873025)

It's not like he got up without wiping at all. What's the big deal?

22. xbhaskarx Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:14 PM (#2873028)

26: how do you know what manny does in the offseason when he doesn't have a clubhouse attendant supplying him with a daily ration of hand towels?

23. The Good Face Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:18 PM (#2873033)

26: how do you know what manny does in the offseason when he doesn't have a clubhouse attendant supplying him with a daily ration of hand towels?

I'm picturing a sort of super-sized litter box...

24. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:19 PM (#2873034)

Finally, a thread that cries out for butt-boy apologists, yet Joey B. is nowhere to be found.

25. Shooty would run in but these bone spurs hurt!

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:22 PM (#2873038)

28, 29, 30

Yep. Going to be a good thread.

Also, the Sawx should think about trading Julio Lugo for a bidet. Win-win!

26. JMPH Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:27 PM (#2873044)

Did we get to see the inside of that grill he was selling on eBay?

27. Smiling Joe Hesketh Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:27 PM (#2873045)

The unnamed pitcher is described as a "stopper." Probably Foulke, no?

28. JMPH Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:28 PM (#2873047)

Also, the Sawx should think about trading Julio Lugo for a bidet. Win-win!

The other team has to take Julio Lugo, plus take a hit in the hygiene department. That's win-win?

29. JMPH Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:30 PM (#2873049)

The unnamed pitcher is described as a "stopper." Probably Foulke, no?

Does "stopper" = "closer"? I figured "stopper" can be used for any pitcher, especially a reliever, but not necessarily a closer.

30. Boots Day Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:31 PM (#2873050)

This whole story is full of ####.

31. Sebastian

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:31 PM (#2873052)

I must have misread the article. To me it seems that, for whatever reason, Ramirez wipes with towels instead of toilet paper. That might seem a tad wasteful since he flushes them, and it leads to predictable plumbing problems, but it’s not insanitary, is it? Did he use the towels to wash his face afterwards? Or for anything? Because that’s not what I read. What I read is that he’s eccentric, but certainly not disgusting.

32. Best Dressed Chicken in Town Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:31 PM (#2873053)

a washcloth-clogged toilet had overflowed and was threatening to submerge the bathroom stalls

That musta made a Mesa things.

33. Shooty would run in but these bone spurs hurt!

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:33 PM (#2873056)

The other team has to take Julio Lugo, plus take a hit in the hygiene department. That's win-win?

Good point.

Does "stopper" = "closer"? I figured "stopper" can be used for any pitcher, especially a reliever, but not necessarily a closer.

I've always used it interchangeably with closer. It kind of shows the evolution of the role, doesn't it?

34. Shooty would run in but these bone spurs hurt!

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:35 PM (#2873060)

What I read is that he’s eccentric, but certainly not disgusting.

Only to the people who have to clean up after him. Manny himself seems more princessy and high maintenance than disgusting.

35. JMPH Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:35 PM (#2873061)

What I read is that he’s eccentric, but certainly not disgusting.

The more I think about it, the more luxurious it sounds. If I win the lottery, I'm stocking up on hand towels.

36. void*** (SC) Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:35 PM (#2873063)

A predictable shitstirring smearjob on Lucchinos orders preparing to flush Manny from Boston.

37. Boots Day Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:36 PM (#2873064)

That might seem a tad wasteful since he flushes them, and it leads to predictable plumbing problems, but it’s not insanitary, is it?

Having a toilet full of soiled towels - not to mention the soil itself - back up on you and flood your bathroom sounds a mite insanitary to me.

38. rr

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:38 PM (#2873066)

A predictable shitstirring smearjob on Lucchinos orders preparing to flush Manny from Boston.

It's almost lunch time for those of us on the Left Coast. Guess I need to bail (Get it? Bail?) on reading this thread.

39. GGC Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:39 PM (#2873069)

I've heard stopper also used for a starting ace. It means he stops losing streaks.

40. Shooty would run in but these bone spurs hurt!

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:40 PM (#2873071)

I've heard stopper also used for a starting ace. It means he stops losing streaks.

Yep, me too GGC. In this context, I suppose Manny is the stopper...

41. Nasty Nate Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:40 PM (#2873072)

if this was (is?) his regular practice, how the hell did the toilet only clog ONCE?

42. Smiling Joe Hesketh Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:40 PM (#2873073)

I've heard stopper also used for a starting ace. It means he stops losing streaks.

Too bad he specified "relief pitcher," or else we could have assumed it was Schilling and turned the rest of this thread into a shiitstorm.

43. JMPH Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:41 PM (#2873074)

Having a toilet full of soiled towels - not to mention the soil itself - back up on you and flood your bathroom sounds a mite insanitary to me.

Well, la-dee-da, Mr. Fancy.

44. GGC Posted: July 25, 2008 at 06:56 PM (#2873090)

'EEI isn't mentioning this. I'm half tempted to call them or email them.

45. Smiling Joe Hesketh Posted: July 25, 2008 at 07:00 PM (#2873093)

'EEI isn't mentioning this. I'm half tempted to call them or email them.

It's been a non-stop Rip Manny-a-thon there for a month now. Why would you add grist to their loathsome mill?

46. phredbird

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 07:04 PM (#2873097)

in all seriousness, maybe the source meant paper napkins instead of toilet paper. those are light enough not to clog the john. and then in one instance clubhouse guy couldn't get the napkins, so gave manny paper towels an--- why am i doing this?

47. Nasty Nate Posted: July 25, 2008 at 07:05 PM (#2873100)

in all seriousness,

wrong thread

48. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: July 25, 2008 at 07:11 PM (#2873106)

maybe...in one instance clubhouse guy couldn't get the napkins, so gave manny paper towels an---

It's the quicker shitter stuffer!

49. Repoz

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 07:34 PM (#2873118)

Thought I'd dump this here...It's a little know fact that Riccardo (Dick "Mr. Whipple" Wilson) DiGuglielmo wrote the Minnesota Twins theme song "We're Gonna Win, Twins" back in 1961.

50. GGC Posted: July 25, 2008 at 07:35 PM (#2873122)

It's been a non-stop Rip Manny-a-thon there for a month now. Why would you add grist to their loathsome mill?

I duuno. It's Friday and I'm bored. I haven't listened to them in ages; games excepted. The Governor is on this afternnon doing his best to defend him

51. Flynn Posted: July 25, 2008 at 07:38 PM (#2873129)

Wiping with hand wipes is awesome.

52. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: July 25, 2008 at 07:39 PM (#2873131)

It doesn't say the "prominent relief pitcher" is currently active, and the use of "once" to begin the sentence implies that the conversation took place a while ago. And what does "prominent" mean, anyway? It could be Bobby Howry (I'd completely forgotten he was on the Red Sox), Chad Bradford (ditto), Rudy Seanez, Scott Sauerbeck, Rudy Seanez, Curtis Leskanic, Mike Myers, Paul Shuey, Steve Karsay, Steve Reed, any number of people. Even Rod Beck.

My guess is obviously Eric Kerplunk.

53. Shooty would run in but these bone spurs hurt!

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 07:39 PM (#2873133)

Thought I'd dump this here...It's a little know fact that Riccardo (Dick "Mr. Whipple" Wilson) DiGuglielmo wrote the Minnesota Twins theme song "We're Gonna Win, Twins" back in 1961.

Repoz frightens me sometimes. No earth-based creature can know this stuff.

54. 1k5v3L

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 07:42 PM (#2873136)

No earth-based creature can know this stuff.

Repoz comes in peace

55. GGC Posted: July 25, 2008 at 07:46 PM (#2873144)

If it's Rod Beck, I'd be impressed.

56. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: July 25, 2008 at 07:49 PM (#2873155)

The use of "once" to begin the sentence implies that the conversation took place a while ago.

57. JMPH Posted: July 25, 2008 at 07:49 PM (#2873156)

Even Rod Beck.

I think if it were Rod Beck, the name would be included in the story. The fact that the author attempts to protect the source of the story implies (to me, at least) that the source is still alive.

58. OCD SS Posted: July 25, 2008 at 07:54 PM (#2873162)

I'm already drunk in anticipation of tonight's game, but is there any reason to assume that this couldn't be a relief pitcher from Cleveland? This seems like it's much more likely to be from Manny: The Early Years.

Also, I find it hard to believe that these were wash-cloth type towels; you can't flush one of those without stuffing a toilet. There's no way he would've been able to keep that up for awhile and then have it be a problem. That's the sort of thing that causes a swift surrender in plumbing almost immediately.

59. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:05 PM (#2873184)

I think if it were Rod Beck, the name would be included in the story. The fact that the author attempts to protect the source of the story implies (to me, at least) that the source is still alive.

That could be a way of narrowing the field of candidates.

Let's see...

According to my research, of all the relief pitchers who have been teammates of Manny Ramirez in the majors, only four are now dead. (name all four!) That's more than I expected, but doesn't do much to narrow it down.

[edit: FOUR, not three]

60. Jim Wisinski

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:07 PM (#2873191)

A story that surfaced here in Tampa Bay a month or two ago was that Manny basically pissed all over his room at the Vinoy while the Red Sox were in town (though I don't know which road trip it was that was being referred to). I have no idea of the veracity of it though, heard it a couple of different times but never with any actual confirmation.

61. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:08 PM (#2873195)

Minnesota Twins theme song "We're Gonna Win, Twins" back in 1961.

Why don't they go back to the logo in the corner of this card?

62. JMPH Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:11 PM (#2873201)

According to my research, of all the relief pitchers who have been teammates of Manny Ramirez in the majors, only three are now dead. (name all three!)

Rod Beck, Josh Hancock, and Geremi Gonzalez?

63. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:13 PM (#2873205)

Rod Beck, Josh Hancock, and Geremi Gonzalez?

Wow...my research was faulty, in that BB-Ref's list of players who died in 2008 doesn't include Geremi Gonzalez yet, and I didn't know he'd been on the Red Sox.

So there's actually been FOUR relief pitchers who were teammates of Manny Ramirez in the majors and are now dead.

Plus the two who were at spring training with him in 1993 but died before his major league debut.

This is getting even more disturbing.

64. Rough Carrigan

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:14 PM (#2873209)

Luckily, Manny and Moises"handshake"Alou have never been on the same team.

65. GGC Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:24 PM (#2873226)

Matt Perisho, Crispix? Manny does have a deceased postion player teammate as well, but bb-ref won't help you with that one.

66. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:26 PM (#2873236)

Steve Olin, or Tim Crews? Or were those guys too early?

67. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:30 PM (#2873250)

Too early, and too tall.

68. JMPH Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:31 PM (#2873252)

I love how this thread has gone from playful bathroom humor to "guess the dead player!"

69. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:32 PM (#2873257)

Matt Perisho is a zombie? That explains a lot, I was wondering where his surname came from.

Manny does have a deceased postion player teammate as well, but bb-ref won't help you with that one.

You mean Varitek?

70. flournoy Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:35 PM (#2873265)

Cliff Young

71. Jefferson Manship (Dan Lee) Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:35 PM (#2873266)

So there's actually been FOUR relief pitchers who were teammates of Manny Ramirez in the majors and are now dead.

Gonzalez, Beck, Hancock, and Cliff Young?

72. Jefferson Manship (Dan Lee) Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:35 PM (#2873267)

Dammit, flournoy.

73. GGC Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:35 PM (#2873269)

Nah, this is a guy who was on the Red Sox roster but never appeared in a game.

74. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:36 PM (#2873274)

Give us a hint. Did they cryogenically freeze his head?

75. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:37 PM (#2873278)

Was Cliff Young actually on the team with Ramirez at the same time? I didn't even check 1993 because he was only in the majors for a September callup that year.

If so...well, he's not the guy I was thinking of either. This gets weirder and weirder.

76. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:38 PM (#2873279)

Don't handy wipes have alcohol? would wiping burn?

77. Repoz

Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:40 PM (#2873286)

I love how this thread has gone from playful bathroom humor to "guess the dead player!"

We almost named one of our kerpunk bands "A Conigliarrow Through the Eye"...usual drum face probs, tho.

78. Jefferson Manship (Dan Lee) Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:42 PM (#2873293)

Actually, Manny and Cliff Young were never teammates in Cleveland. Manny debuted in September '93, Young was off the roster by July.

79. Gamingboy Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:42 PM (#2873294)

Y'know, I just realized that "Stopper" could mean something else entirely in the context of stuffed toilets.....

80. Jefferson Manship (Dan Lee) Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:42 PM (#2873295)

It's Russ Swan. (The dead relief pitcher teammate, I mean.)

81. JMPH Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:45 PM (#2873299)

Crispix, I want to thank you for keeping me entertained for the past 40 minutes. You made my Friday afternoon much less painful.

82. GGC Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:45 PM (#2873302)

Dernell Stenson was the dead outfielder. Got called up by the Red Sox one season, but never got into a game until he joined Cincinnati.

83. flournoy Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:46 PM (#2873304)

Ugueth Urbina may still be alive, but he's probably as good as dead.

84. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:47 PM (#2873306)

If Cliff Young counts as a dead pitcher teammate, Carlos Martinez counts as a dead position player teammate.

Manny's swathe of destruction keeps expanding its scope. Seriously, how likely is it for someone who's played 16 seasons in MLB to have played with (in spring training, at least) at least nine major leaguers who are dead already?

85. JMPH Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:47 PM (#2873308)

Ugueth Urbina may still be alive, but he's probably as good as dead.

That thought crossed my mind as well. New game! How many former teammates of Manny Ramirez are currently incarcerated?

86. GGC Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:49 PM (#2873310)

How many former teammates of Manny Ramirez are currently incarcerated?

Probably several, if we include high school teammates.

87. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:55 PM (#2873322)

How many former teammates of Manny Ramirez are currently incarcerated?

BB-ref doesn't have "Date of incarceration" indexed by year, so I'll have to sit this one out. But I know Scott Sauerbeck and Jose Mesa have both been arrested at least once. Also Julio Lugo...wasn't Carlos Baerga in legal trouble for a while?

88. JMPH Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:57 PM (#2873327)

Let's not forget Albert Belle, either.

89. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:59 PM (#2873330)

I'm sick and tired of zombies like Matt Perisho and Albert Belle clogging the drain with washcloths laden with night-soil.

90. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: July 25, 2008 at 08:59 PM (#2873331)

not to mention Albert "GPS stalking device" Belle. I'm pretty sure he served a couple of months.

EDIT: too slow

91. Jefferson Manship (Dan Lee) Posted: July 25, 2008 at 09:00 PM (#2873333)

How many former teammates of Manny Ramirez are currently incarcerated?

No idea if Kevin Wickander's out of prison yet, but he was in for a long time. Jesse Levis may or may not be facing time, depending on what kind of lawyers he gets.

At least two of Manny's '93-'94 Indians teammates got cancer: Jerry DiPoto and Matt Turner. Both are still alive, though, so maybe Manny only tangentially crossed their path.

92. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: July 25, 2008 at 09:00 PM (#2873334)

I'm tired of all these players like Albert Belle and Albert Belle running over trick-or-treaters in their truck.

93. Jefferson Manship (Dan Lee) Posted: July 25, 2008 at 09:04 PM (#2873341)

Almost forgot, Dwight Gooden was in prison for a while. Cecil Fielder had some legal issues, but I don't think he ever did time.

94. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: July 25, 2008 at 09:04 PM (#2873343)

At least two of Manny's '93-'94 Indians teammates got cancer: Jerry DiPoto and Matt Turner. Both are still alive, though, so maybe Manny only tangentially crossed their path.

Manny's aura didn't help Jon Lester any, either. Or Bryce Florie. Or Nelson De La Rosa.

95. CraigK Posted: July 25, 2008 at 09:08 PM (#2873353)

I'm picturing a sort of super-sized litter box...

I hope he doesn't piss on the laundry when it's dirty.

96. The NeverEnding Torii (oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh) Posted: July 25, 2008 at 10:57 PM (#2873510)

What happened to the good ol' days when eccentric star players just punched buckets of rice and ate chicken before every game?

97. pthomas Posted: July 26, 2008 at 01:02 AM (#2873967)

This was always my favorite Manny Moment......

Indians' Ramirez Pleads Not Guilty

*

Published: August 29, 1997

Cleveland Indians outfielder MANNY RAMIREZ pleaded not guilty yesterday to numerous traffic charges, including driving without a license and having illegal license plates.

Although they are minor infractions, Ramirez could face heavy fines because of his previous record of driving with two Florida driver's licenses and having two Social Security numbers.

Ramirez was pulled over near Jacobs Field on Aug. 13, after a doubleheader with Detroit. He was cited for having no driver's license, illegal plates, tinted windows and a noisy car, said GEORGE YARBROUGH, a spokesman for the Cleveland Municipal Court.

As Ramirez was driving away, he made an illegal U-turn in front of officers and was pulled over and ticketed again, Yarbrough said.

98. Random Transaction Generator Posted: July 26, 2008 at 03:08 AM (#2874488)

I've learned that Manny Ramirez may be entertaining, but holy #### is he a bad luck charm as a team mate!
Incarcerations, grievous illnesses and even death have befallen an unusually large number of his teammates.

99. GGC Posted: July 26, 2008 at 05:51 AM (#2874605)

Bryce Florie had cancer? I knew that he took a line drive to the face, but didn't know that.

100. Northpaw Posted: July 26, 2008 at 05:57 AM (#2874609)

All right that's quite enough. Scat!

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The most disturbing Manny Ramirez article ever

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