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Thursday, August 23, 2012
I’m no longer in the kitchen…tombstone blue.
At 84, it’s understandable when Lasorda begins to discuss his plans for the afterlife. But who would have thought the longtime L.A. Dodgers manager’s afterlife plans would be so hilarious?
In an interview with the Los Angeles Times, Lasorda detailed his tombstone design.
“I’ve already told my wife that when I do go I want our home schedule attached to my tombstone,” Lasorda said. “I want people who are in the cemetery visiting their loved ones to say, ‘Let’s go to Lasorda’s grave and see if the Dodgers are playing home or away.’
Lasorda added:
“Hey, I love this organization so much I want to be working for it even after I’m dead.”
Repoz
Posted: August 23, 2012 at 04:33 AM | 39 comment(s)
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1. RMc's Unenviable Situation Posted: August 23, 2012 at 07:22 AM (#4215526)Lasorda is dumber than...actually, that's kinda cool.
*For years & years, I expressed the hope that my ashes would be thrown in Ronald Reagan's eyes. That possibility, of course, was taken away from me by a cruel & vengeful god.
I hereby entrust all you to perform this solemn duty when the time comes. All I ask is that you bring a fan and turn it on, then scatter me the moment someone I disagree with opens their mouth - having the last word doesn't get any better than that, I think.
If the technology doesn't yet exist to digitize my cremains, then kindly deposit me into Ed Lynch's gas tank when he's not looking.
If the technology doesn't yet exist to digitize my cremains, then kindly deposit me into Ed Lynch's gas tank when he's not looking.
We'll probably just flush you down the toilet, TBH.
Hell, sprinkle it when I'm looking. I bet you taste like Fruit Loops or a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich fresh from the microwave. Those two things are pretty much the same, right?
I am dropping soooooo much acid on my death bed...
Why wait? We're clearly not doing anything important RIGHT NOW!
that's how long we've been waiting for him to kick!
sorry, i know that's in bad taste. btw, tommy has been having bad dizzy spells. he still goes to games anyway, hanging on to anybody and anything that will prop him up. getting old is a real drag when you still want to do things.
i've asked my gf to make sure i'm cremated and to spread my ashes on the mediterranean. at least someone will get a nice vacation out of carrying out my last wishes.
If you go to Keats' tomb in Rome you'll see little pots placed haphazardly around it, clearly the ashes of people who wanted some sort of temporary immortality. This is in bad taste.
I'd like to be mulched, or at least shoved into an Eco Pod and stuck in the back garden.
EDIT: BTW, my favorite famous person grave, and this surprised me, is Douglas Adams' site in Highgate Cemetery. There are little flower holders in front of it that people stick pens into, and it really works and is surprisingly affecting (much better than the stupid remembrance stones that ruined, for example, W.G. Sebald's otherwise very austere grave). I gave up a new 4-color Bic for Adams. I think he'd appreciate it.
Oh, I don't know about that. With some clever planning you may be able to arrange for his crypt to be opened...
When I lived in Oxford, MS it was customary to share a drink with William Faulkner at his grave by pouring some whisky/bourbon on it. Not a lot of grass on his plot...
Isn't that what the food is for?
But if I have to have a gravestone, the epitaph on this one will work for me.
My favorite famous person grave is Thoreau's tiny headstone in the family plot. It's sad and very perfect for the man. My favorite cemetery is the Protestant Cemetery in Rome, which is ridiculously attractive, piled against the Aurelian wall, and has a pyramid in the back of it.
I used to watch the show Wings
There was an episode where the elderly receptionist/ticket taker was going out to scatter her husbands ashes over the ocean to honor his last request, and of course of the pilots offers to take her up, so what happens is they go up, hit turbulence, the ashes get scattered in the plane, pilot brother #2 vacuums the ashes up in a portable vacuum cleaner... vacuum is accidentally dropped out the window without any scattering of ashes...
Plane returns, widow is distraught, someone comes in, goes up to her, "didn't you used to know so and so?" "Yes, my husband hated him, he cheated us and later bought a boat that he's parade in front of us"
"Oh you'll love this then, his boatt sank an hour ago, they just fished him out- believe it or not he claims that a vacuum cleaner fell out of the sky and smashed right through his hull"
Widow who has started being on the verge of tears again, smiles and looks up as the show fades out.
I can't be the first person to think of multimedia grave markers, can I?
/googles
Of course, it's patented: http://www.google.com/patents/US20060236326
You might be disappointed to find the coffin empty, so you'll have to be even cleverer. Start with a dozen chicken wings, use only the left ones. Coat in 1/2 ashes and fry them up. Serve in espagnole sauce and adorn with one red savina pepper per wing. Add remaining ashes to serviette upon serving. His cravings will overcome him as surely as the savina will his tear ducts.
For more recipes you can pick up Cooking with Cartman wherever fine books are sold.
Favorite gravesite might be Henry Fielding's, which is in Lisbon. The grave itself is nothing special, but I have fond memories of a really nice day going around the city, deciding to visit the site, and eventually finding it. Streetcars, that kind of stuff.
All-time favorite epitaph is Spike Milligan: "I Told You I Was Ill."
My standing instructions to my family are that I want to be stuffed and mounted in a ferocious-yet-lifelike pose. Something along these lines is what I was imagining, though being a part of a larger display like this one would also be acceptable, if the opportunity opened up.
That would be awesome.
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