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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

U.S. News report: Teddy could win on October 3

Run Teddy Run!

Today’s “Washington Whispers” column in U.S. News and World Report speculates that Teddy Roosevelt’s first victory is likely being planned for the Nationals’ season finale next Wednesday, October 3.

Reporter Elizabeth Flock cites cites a number of recent indicators that hint at an October 3 win for Teddy, including the Nationals’ own announcement of a “Teddy in 2012″ theme for the final homestand.

They really need to figure out a way to have Teddy *win* without winning - some sort of DQ at the end, perhaps - because once Teddy wins a race it’s going to be just another mascot run.

Mike Emeigh Posted: September 26, 2012 at 04:44 PM | 51 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: general, mascots, washington

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   1. Delicious Cake Posted: September 26, 2012 at 04:53 PM (#4246553)
I figured there would be two scenarios in which they'd let Teddy win: (a) After the Nationals clinch the division or (b) if the Nationals win the World Series.
   2. Mark S. is bored Posted: September 26, 2012 at 04:53 PM (#4246554)
The Diamondbacks do something similar with their "Legends" race (Matt Williams, Luis Gonzalez, Randy Johnson and Mark Grace) with Grace (color man and semi-functional alcoholic) never winning a race.
   3. jmurph Posted: September 26, 2012 at 04:54 PM (#4246555)
They really need to figure out a way to have Teddy *win* without winning - some sort of DQ at the end, perhaps - because once Teddy wins a race it’s going to be just another mascot run.


They've done the DQ thing at least a couple times already.
   4. Chicago Joe Posted: September 26, 2012 at 05:03 PM (#4246562)
A recount? Supreme Court ruling? Maybe James Polk rises from the dead at the finish line?
   5. depletion Posted: September 26, 2012 at 05:10 PM (#4246577)
Teddy and Abe are neck and neck nearing the finish line, when bobble-head John Wilkes Booth shoots Lincoln.
   6. PreservedFish Posted: September 26, 2012 at 05:16 PM (#4246580)
I went to an A's game and they had TWO of these stupid races on the big screen. One was three racing BART cars, the second was three racing coins. Unacceptable.
   7. BDC Posted: September 26, 2012 at 05:19 PM (#4246588)
I haven't seen the races – does he carry a big stick? In Arlington Jim Bowie carries a big knife. He wins his share.
   8. Topher Posted: September 26, 2012 at 05:21 PM (#4246593)
With Congress in recess, this would happen just in time to avoid having the Congressional Subpoena issued before Senator McCain's investigation could begin.

I would like to see Teddy win. But more important than that is knowing the truth. I would hope that a Teddy win would not prevent the investigation from taking place.

   9. The Yankee Clapper Posted: September 26, 2012 at 05:22 PM (#4246594)
They could bring in a "guest" President (FDR, Reagan, Kennedy?) for the race Teddy wins, leaving him still short of a victory in the traditional Mount Rushmore Run.

To do it right, the Nationals should get the real President to don Teddy's custume for the winning race. Probably have to wait til next season since it might be more controversial in an election year. They could still disqualify Teddy for running as a "ringer".
   10. PreservedFish Posted: September 26, 2012 at 05:25 PM (#4246599)
To do it right, the Nationals should get the real President to don Teddy's custume for the winning race.


Agreed.
   11. Rennie's Tenet Posted: September 26, 2012 at 05:34 PM (#4246608)
Teddy wins, next year they switch to racing Orange, Red, Yellow and Green line Metro cars.
   12. Hank G. Posted: September 26, 2012 at 05:47 PM (#4246625)
Teddy and Abe are neck and neck nearing the finish line, when bobble-head John Wilkes Booth shoots Lincoln.


Too soon.
   13. Walt Davis Posted: September 26, 2012 at 05:47 PM (#4246626)
a) Washington wins but tests positive for steroids.
b) Lincoln wins but it's proven he was born in Canada
c) Jefferson wins but Bobby Heenan distracts the ref at just the right time
d) Teddy wins but the Nats don't and the Braves take the division and Teddy is burned at the stake
   14. Depressoteric feels Royally blue these days Posted: September 26, 2012 at 05:57 PM (#4246631)
You all do realize that Teddy isn't going to win, right? This is just a very clever way to build up the anticipation for yet another tragic let-down.

I actually tip my cap to the Nationals' PR team...it's quite the coup for them to have gotten so much fun and positive coverage about the Presidents Races in the media, and it's REALLY impressive when that coverage begins to spill over from the sports pages (where you'd expect it) to the political/gossip pages.
   15. esseff Posted: September 26, 2012 at 06:00 PM (#4246634)
You all do realize that Teddy isn't going to win, right? This is just a very clever way to build up the anticipation for yet another tragic let-down.


The ol' Charlie Brown football trick, eh?
   16. Downtown Bookie Posted: September 26, 2012 at 06:16 PM (#4246649)
Teddy wins, someone throws a red flag, and an NFL-type ref, "after further review", declares another President the winner.

DB
   17. puck Posted: September 26, 2012 at 06:36 PM (#4246672)
I went to an A's game and they had TWO of these stupid races on the big screen. One was three racing BART cars, the second was three racing coins. Unacceptable.


Last game I attended at Coors (last week), there was a sad sight. (Well, besides the Rockies.) In addition to one of these races on the video board (why don't they let fans at least operate a video game and drive?), there was a mascot race from about 3rd base around home to 1st base, but it was a sponsor's race--a local dentist franchise ran a toothbrush, toothpaste and something else (dental floss?). Ugh.
   18. Hack Wilson Posted: September 26, 2012 at 06:37 PM (#4246674)
If these races are fixed I will be heartbroken.
   19. OsunaSakata Posted: September 26, 2012 at 06:41 PM (#4246676)
They could bring in a "guest" President (FDR, Reagan, Kennedy?) for the race Teddy wins, leaving him still short of a victory in the traditional Mount Rushmore Run.


Kennedy's been done already. I think having both the real George H. W. Bush and Clinton run together and win in a tie might be interesting.
   20. Lassus Posted: September 26, 2012 at 06:54 PM (#4246687)
They need to have Teddy win during an elimination game for the Nats where they are actually behind during the President's race, thus spurring the team to an actual comeback.

THAT would be epic.
   21. Fred Lynn Nolan Ryan Sweeney Agonistes Posted: September 26, 2012 at 07:01 PM (#4246693)
I went to an A's game and they had TWO of these stupid races on the big screen. One was three racing BART cars, the second was three racing coins. Unacceptable.

I recently discovered a section in the Coliseum where you can sit and see the whole field but NOT see either Diamondvision, OR any of the little TVs they have up under there, AND all of the huge speakers are at least a full section away. Now I never want to sit anywhere else in the whole damn park.
   22. Tom Nawrocki Posted: September 26, 2012 at 07:03 PM (#4246695)
In addition to one of these races on the video board (why don't they let fans at least operate a video game and drive?), there was a mascot race from about 3rd base around home to 1st base, but it was a sponsor's race--a local dentist franchise ran a toothbrush, toothpaste and something else (dental floss?). Ugh.


You haven't seen that before? It's Toothy the Tooth, Bristles the Brush, and Fresh the Toothpaste. The most interesting part of it for me was when we were sitting right above the leftfield tunnel earlier this year, and could see the three mascots standing just behind the outfield wall for the entire sixth inning, waiting to start the race. If you think you've had a boring day, just be glad you didn't have to stand around doing absolutely nothing for 15 minutes in a mascot costume.
   23. Monty Predicts a Padres-Mariners WS in 2016 Posted: September 26, 2012 at 07:21 PM (#4246711)
They really need to figure out a way to have Teddy *win* without winning - some sort of DQ at the end, perhaps


I'm surprised the phrase "Dusty Finish" has not already appeared in this thread.
   24. Mike Emeigh Posted: September 26, 2012 at 07:27 PM (#4246717)
there was a mascot race from about 3rd base around home to 1st base, but it was a sponsor's race--a local dentist franchise ran a toothbrush, toothpaste and something else (dental floss?). Ugh.


Five County had these, too - races between Chip and Buck Tooth.

-- MWE
   25. McCoy Posted: September 26, 2012 at 09:24 PM (#4246779)
I have ticket to this game.
   26. McCoy Posted: September 26, 2012 at 09:29 PM (#4246782)
The answer is really simple. If they want Teddy to win then they need to have someone besides some fat asthmatic bastard run as Teddy. Most of the races aren't fixed and most of the races that are fixed are fixed in a way in which it looks like Teddy will win but loses in the end. The guy who runs as Teddy just isn't very fast.
   27. Traderdave Posted: September 26, 2012 at 09:40 PM (#4246790)

I recently discovered a section in the Coliseum where you can sit and see the whole field but NOT see either Diamondvision, OR any of the little TVs they have up under there, AND all of the huge speakers are at least a full section away. Now I never want to sit anywhere else in the whole damn park.


Care to share the section? I was thinking bleachers but they qualify in front row only, any other row loses a lot of outfield view. Please divulge!
   28. AndrewJ Posted: September 26, 2012 at 10:02 PM (#4246800)
The only fun thing I know about Mount Rushmore is that Cher once thought it was a natural rock formation.
   29. Dag Nabbit is part of the zombie horde Posted: September 26, 2012 at 10:05 PM (#4246801)
Teddy and Abe are neck and neck nearing the finish line, when bobble-head John Wilkes Booth shoots Lincoln.

We're approaching the 100th anniversary of a would-be assassin shooting TR. He shot TR just before he was about to give a speech in Milwaukee. TR gave the speech anyway and then got medical treatment. Really.

TR was lucky - the bullet hit where he had his speech (25 pages of folded over paper) and eyeglass case). He got shot but it wasn't much of a wound by the time the bullet got to him.

Still, he got shot and then gave the speech anyway!

Oct. 14, 1912.
   30. Dag Nabbit is part of the zombie horde Posted: September 26, 2012 at 10:11 PM (#4246804)
They really need to figure out a way to have Teddy *win* without winning - some sort of DQ at the end, perhaps - because once Teddy wins a race it’s going to be just another mascot run.

That's a bit much. It'll lose some of it's fun, but it's still one of the best ideas for a mascot race - the Mt. Rushmore gang. Another mascot race is something like the Home Depot race in Atlanta. Where they have a bunch of Home Depot products run around - and one is even in the Teddy role of never winning.

Who cares about a Home Depot product, though? Now, Lincoln versus Washington? That's interesting.

The White Sox or Cubs should have a convicted governors race - Kerner, Walker, Ryan, and Blagojevich. William Stratton can make an occassional appearance (indicted, but he beat the rap).
   31. Gamingboy Posted: September 26, 2012 at 10:13 PM (#4246806)
Nationals Park, October 3rd:


It begins innocently enough, with George Washington taking an early lead, with Lincoln following close behind and Jefferson and Roosevelt about even behind them. But then, at the half way point, Teddy Roosevelt gets a burst of energy, overtaking first Jefferson, then Lincoln, and then, finally, George Washington. He speeds past everybody, onwards towards the finish line. "Chariots of Fire" begins to play. Jayson Werth comes from his position and begins to run alongside him, urging the Bull Moose to victory. But then, tragedy strikes: Teddy falls over flat onto his face ("Chariots of Fire" screeches to a halt). The crowd gasps, Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln get through. It appears that once again Teddy will fall. But then, the lights go dark, smoke rises, and then, suddenly, emerging from it comes a new competitor, coming out to evil organ music... the ANTI-PRESIDENT...
JEFFERSON.
FINIS.
DAVIS.

Davis, wielding a formidable looking Nerf Gun, shoots Washington, Jefferson and finally Lincoln. He takes up a microphone and announces to a stunned audience that the South has Risen Again and that from now on only he will be running the President's Race. All seems lost. But then, with Jayson Werth's help, Teddy is able to get to his feet, and then continues his run towards the finish line as the "Stars and Stripes Forever" begins to blare. Davis tries to shoot down Teddy, but YOU CAN'T KILL A BULL MOOSE WITH A SHORT GUN! Teddy tackles and defeats the Secessionist, and although an announcer says that the victory doesn't count due to outside interference, none care, the other three presidents- joined by Screech, Jayson Werth and a special cameo by Ken Burns- carry the triumphant Teddy Roosevelt off the field.

The Nationals forfeit due to a delay of game.
   32. PreservedFish Posted: September 26, 2012 at 10:14 PM (#4246808)
Care to share the section? I was thinking bleachers but they qualify in front row only, any other row loses a lot of outfield view. Please divulge!


Yes, please.
   33. JE (Jason) Posted: September 26, 2012 at 11:02 PM (#4246831)
Teddy wins, next year they switch to racing Orange, Red, Yellow and Green line Metro cars.

The break between innings is barely two minutes long, not nearly enough time for the winning Metro car to cross the finish line.
   34. boteman Posted: September 26, 2012 at 11:41 PM (#4246846)
He got shot but it wasn't much of a wound by the time the bullet got to him.

In fairness, there was a LOT of him to get to. He might not have even felt it with all that natural padding there.
   35. charityslave is thinking about baseball Posted: September 26, 2012 at 11:44 PM (#4246850)
Gamingboy, that was awesome.
   36. Bourbon Samurai Posted: September 26, 2012 at 11:49 PM (#4246854)
Nationals Park, October 3rd:


It begins innocently enough, with George Washington taking an early lead, with Lincoln following close behind and Jefferson and Roosevelt about even behind them. But then, at the half way point, Teddy Roosevelt gets a burst of energy, overtaking first Jefferson, then Lincoln, and then, finally, George Washington. He speeds past everybody, onwards towards the finish line. "Chariots of Fire" begins to play. Jayson Werth comes from his position and begins to run alongside him, urging the Bull Moose to victory. But then, tragedy strikes: Teddy falls over flat onto his face ("Chariots of Fire" screeches to a halt). The crowd gasps, Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln get through. It appears that once again Teddy will fall. But then, the lights go dark, smoke rises, and then, suddenly, emerging from it comes a new competitor, coming out to evil organ music... the ANTI-PRESIDENT...
JEFFERSON.
FINIS.
DAVIS.

Davis, wielding a formidable looking Nerf Gun, shoots Washington, Jefferson and finally Lincoln. He takes up a microphone and announces to a stunned audience that the South has Risen Again and that from now on only he will be running the President's Race. All seems lost. But then, with Jayson Werth's help, Teddy is able to get to his feet, and then continues his run towards the finish line as the "Stars and Stripes Forever" begins to blare. Davis tries to shoot down Teddy, but YOU CAN'T KILL A BULL MOOSE WITH A SHORT GUN! Teddy tackles and defeats the Secessionist, and although an announcer says that the victory doesn't count due to outside interference, none care, the other three presidents- joined by Screech, Jayson Werth and a special cameo by Ken Burns- carry the triumphant Teddy Roosevelt off the field.

The Nationals forfeit due to a delay of game.


glorious.
   37. The Yankee Clapper Posted: September 27, 2012 at 12:29 AM (#4246874)
In fairness, there was a LOT of him to get to. He might not have even felt it with all that natural padding there.

Is there no end to the indignities heaped on Teddy? Now he's being confused with William Howard Taft!
   38. Graham & the 15-win "ARod Vortex of suck" Posted: September 27, 2012 at 12:33 AM (#4246875)
"In addition to one of these races on the video board (why don't they let fans at least operate a video game and drive?"

Fans play a video game for the auto race at Great American Ballpark. It's not really any better than it was when it was just an animated video with no human input.
   39. Fred Lynn Nolan Ryan Sweeney Agonistes Posted: September 27, 2012 at 12:53 AM (#4246879)
Care to share the section? I was thinking bleachers but they qualify in front row only, any other row loses a lot of outfield view. Please divulge!


Section 112, up in the back rows: no TV, Diamondvision blocked by the TV crow's-nest deal, I think, no LOUDspeakers nearby - but you can still see the whole field well.
It's ####### beautiful.
   40. Walt Davis Posted: September 27, 2012 at 01:42 AM (#4246893)
Near perfect gamingboy ... you needed Strasburg in there somewhere though. Not like he's doing anything else, could probably use the exercise.
   41. Nats-Homer-in-DC Posted: September 27, 2012 at 07:19 AM (#4246930)
To do it right, the Nationals should get the real President to don Teddy's custume for the winning race.


Well, if he loses, the beat writers will still claim he won in the next day's papers.
   42. Gamingboy Posted: September 27, 2012 at 09:38 AM (#4247003)
Near perfect gamingboy ... you needed Strasburg in there somewhere though. Not like he's doing anything else, could probably use the exercise.



Strasburg would have helped carry Teddy off the field, but the doctors worried what it might do to his arm.
   43. Fernigal McGunnigle has become a merry hat Posted: September 27, 2012 at 11:06 AM (#4247096)
We're approaching the 100th anniversary of a would-be assassin shooting TR. He shot TR just before he was about to give a speech in Milwaukee. TR gave the speech anyway and then got medical treatment. Really.


There's a plaque in the Hyatt in Milwaukee marking the spot where TR got shot. It's a couple of blocks away from the plaque marking the spot where the American League was founded.
   44. Hack Wilson Posted: September 27, 2012 at 11:37 AM (#4247131)
Anyone seriously interested in assassinations should get the audio book Assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell. Jon Stewart as James A. Garfield is pretty good.
   45. Dag Nabbit is part of the zombie horde Posted: September 27, 2012 at 11:38 AM (#4247132)
They should have FDR race in a wheelchair against them.
   46. Der-K and the statistical werewolves. Posted: September 27, 2012 at 11:58 AM (#4247152)
Gamingboy - not only is that my favorite post you've ever done, but I think it's a legitimately great idea.
   47. ThisElevatorIsDrivingMeUpTheWall Posted: September 27, 2012 at 12:07 PM (#4247161)
I could imagine a ten-dollar bill w/Alexander Hamilton mascot taking out Jefferson, perhaps a Mary Todd mascot harping at Lincoln until he just collapses in the outfield in a depressed torpor, but it might take an angry Cherry Tree mascot to get rid of George.
   48. Gamingboy Posted: September 27, 2012 at 12:13 PM (#4247169)

There's a plaque in the Hyatt in Milwaukee marking the spot where TR got shot. It's a couple of blocks away from the plaque marking the spot where the American League was founded.


The hotel where the Black Sox Scandal was formed isn't far from Fenway. Wonder if there's a plaque there.

They should have FDR race in a wheelchair against them.



Teddy: "I'm never letting you marry my niece again!"

Gamingboy - not only is that my favorite post you've ever done, but I think it's a legitimately great idea.


Thanks. I mean, I was just thinking (behind the scenes look here): Okay, obviously they can't have Hitler or Bin Laden as a villain, that'd be both lazy and insensitive to the villains of the Holocaust and Terrorism. Having Nixon would be too political (although I'm guessing Nixon would look great as a racing mascot). But what if they turned the idea on it's head and had somebody who was both a "President" and one of the USA's enemies? Boom! Jefferson Davis! And Davis is in the zone of history where the tragedy is becoming comedy.

I could imagine a ten-dollar bill w/Alexander Hamilton mascot taking out Jefferson, perhaps a Mary Todd mascot harping at Lincoln until he just collapses in the outfield in a depressed torpor, but it might take an angry Cherry Tree mascot to get rid of George.


The Alexander Hamilton gave me an idea; The Yankees could have racing people-on-money mascots. Only instead of Teddy always losing, it'd be a case of Ben Franklin always winning.
   49. JJ1986 Posted: September 27, 2012 at 12:14 PM (#4247171)
I did not realized 'Screech' was the name of the Mascot and was very confused about the Saved by the Bell reference.
   50. ThisElevatorIsDrivingMeUpTheWall Posted: September 27, 2012 at 12:34 PM (#4247185)
They could have racing mayors, Marion Barry would always win and tell the crowd to "get used to it".
   51. Walt Davis Posted: September 27, 2012 at 06:28 PM (#4247601)
I did not realized 'Screech' was the name of the Mascot and was very confused about the Saved by the Bell reference.

I am now deeply disappointed, I had assumed it was just a random Saved by the Bell reference.

Sorry gamingboy, you're docked from work of genius to just ordinary greatness.

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