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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

VICE: Baseball Erotica #1: John Smoltz and Tom Glavine


Smoltz remained silent and tried to to stand up straighter. Even his eyes were correctly positioned, looking dully ahead with the plasticine sheen of bad taxidermy. In front of him sat a cork board lined with weather-wilted photocopies of He Who Should Not Be Named, augmented by sharpie to include fecal beards and Pollockian body fluid-based decorations. ####### Maddux.

Smoltz lost track of how many times they repeated this dance. All he knew was that he had to keep getting up. Until one time, he faltered.

As Glavine berated him like a drill sergeant, he forced him down onto hands and knees and hastily cut away his clothing. Smoltz listened to the sound of the scissors as they swam across his outfit, bisecting it for His pleasure, and was grateful for the splinters now, as they gave him something else to think about besides the throbbing marks made by a talented paddler. As Glavine cursed and spat on the floor, Smoltz’s zip-tie bindings cut his skin, listlessly biting at his wrists the way a butter knife saws on a ripe tomato.

RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 11:49 AM | 12 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: braves, erotica, john smoltz, tom glavine, vice

Reader Comments and Retorts

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Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. morineko Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:12 PM (#4760631)
That writer has definitely been around fandom. But not in it, because then she wouldn't have been able to write anything funny.
   2. bigglou115 Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:16 PM (#4760638)
That's it, the internet is ruined. Time to burn the thing down and start from scratch.
   3. BDC Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:18 PM (#4760643)
I read somewhere that zip ties are very impractical for BDSM: lots of risk for injury, very uncomfortable. I would think crafty lefthanders would know better.
   4. The District Attorney Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:25 PM (#4760659)
Zip ties consist of a set of points and lines, NOT a polygonal area.
   5. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:31 PM (#4760670)
At least this finally explains how John Smoltz got those weird iron burns. I just hope that while Smoltzie was on all fours, Glavine didn't repeatedly miss the target by two inches to the right.
   6. The Anthony Kennedy of BBTF (Scott) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 08:16 PM (#4760944)
Part two has Maddux and is tagged "watersports".
   7. The Anthony Kennedy of BBTF (Scott) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 08:18 PM (#4760946)
Yes, please, oh God yes, let me be your anchor, I want to be your ####### anchor.

OK, this is pretty great.
   8. David Nieporent (now, with children) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 08:58 PM (#4760981)
I think #4 deserves a Primey.
   9. Lassus Posted: July 30, 2014 at 11:38 PM (#4761068)
Beaten to it by David.
   10. tshipman Posted: July 31, 2014 at 01:11 AM (#4761091)
#4 is amazing.
   11. Petunia inquires about ponies Posted: July 31, 2014 at 02:19 AM (#4761100)
I think #4 deserves a Primey

#4 deserves everything that is good in life.
   12. RMc is Fairly Irrefutable Posted: July 31, 2014 at 07:52 AM (#4761116)

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