Baseball for the Thinking Fan

Login | Register | Feedback

btf_logo
You are here > Home > Baseball Newsstand > Baseball Primer Newsblog > Discussion
Baseball Primer Newsblog
— The Best News Links from the Baseball Newsstand

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

VICE: Baseball Erotica #1: John Smoltz and Tom Glavine

Um, NSFW.

Smoltz remained silent and tried to to stand up straighter. Even his eyes were correctly positioned, looking dully ahead with the plasticine sheen of bad taxidermy. In front of him sat a cork board lined with weather-wilted photocopies of He Who Should Not Be Named, augmented by sharpie to include fecal beards and Pollockian body fluid-based decorations. ####### Maddux.

Smoltz lost track of how many times they repeated this dance. All he knew was that he had to keep getting up. Until one time, he faltered.

As Glavine berated him like a drill sergeant, he forced him down onto hands and knees and hastily cut away his clothing. Smoltz listened to the sound of the scissors as they swam across his outfit, bisecting it for His pleasure, and was grateful for the splinters now, as they gave him something else to think about besides the throbbing marks made by a talented paddler. As Glavine cursed and spat on the floor, Smoltz’s zip-tie bindings cut his skin, listlessly biting at his wrists the way a butter knife saws on a ripe tomato.

RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 11:49 AM | 12 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: braves, erotica, john smoltz, tom glavine, vice

Reader Comments and Retorts

Go to end of page

Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. morineko Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:12 PM (#4760631)
That writer has definitely been around fandom. But not in it, because then she wouldn't have been able to write anything funny.
   2. bigglou115 Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:16 PM (#4760638)
That's it, the internet is ruined. Time to burn the thing down and start from scratch.
   3. BDC Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:18 PM (#4760643)
I read somewhere that zip ties are very impractical for BDSM: lots of risk for injury, very uncomfortable. I would think crafty lefthanders would know better.
   4. The District Attorney Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:25 PM (#4760659)
Zip ties consist of a set of points and lines, NOT a polygonal area.
   5. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:31 PM (#4760670)
At least this finally explains how John Smoltz got those weird iron burns. I just hope that while Smoltzie was on all fours, Glavine didn't repeatedly miss the target by two inches to the right.
   6. The Anthony Kennedy of BBTF (Scott) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 08:16 PM (#4760944)
Part two has Maddux and is tagged "watersports".
   7. The Anthony Kennedy of BBTF (Scott) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 08:18 PM (#4760946)
Yes, please, oh God yes, let me be your anchor, I want to be your ####### anchor.


OK, this is pretty great.
   8. David Nieporent (now, with children) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 08:58 PM (#4760981)
I think #4 deserves a Primey.
   9. Lassus Posted: July 30, 2014 at 11:38 PM (#4761068)
Beaten to it by David.
   10. tshipman Posted: July 31, 2014 at 01:11 AM (#4761091)
#4 is amazing.
   11. Petunia inquires about ponies Posted: July 31, 2014 at 02:19 AM (#4761100)
I think #4 deserves a Primey

#4 deserves everything that is good in life.
   12. What's the realistic upside, RMc? Posted: July 31, 2014 at 07:52 AM (#4761116)
WHAT IS THIS I DON'T

You must be Registered and Logged In to post comments.

 

 

<< Back to main

BBTF Partner

Support BBTF

donate

Thanks to
JE (Jason)
for his generous support.

Bookmarks

You must be logged in to view your Bookmarks.

Hot Topics

NewsblogJason Heyward’s Ability Seems Boundless. Soon, So May His Contract.
(35 - 6:52am, Mar 28)
Last: The Duke

NewsblogBoras: Cubs using business, not baseball, if Bryant stays in minors - CBSSports.com
(179 - 6:29am, Mar 28)
Last: The Id of SugarBear Blanks

NewsblogCubs' Ricketts reveals Wrigley renovation might take extra year
(15 - 5:21am, Mar 28)
Last: The Anthony Kennedy of BBTF (Scott)

NewsblogThe Dome: 15 years ago Seattle blew up a giant, concrete eyesore full of memories.
(11 - 4:32am, Mar 28)
Last: Baldrick

NewsblogCleveland Indians demote Salazar; McAllister, House, Tomlin compete for 2 rotation spots
(7 - 3:04am, Mar 28)
Last: Infinite Joost (Voxter)

NewsblogJeff Samardzija ready for future - Chicago Tribune
(8 - 2:28am, Mar 28)
Last: Cabbage

NewsblogOTP - March 2015: You’re out, tobacco: Bill would ban products at all California baseball venues
(3578 - 1:53am, Mar 28)
Last: tshipman

NewsblogOT: Monthly NBA Thread - March 2015
(1379 - 12:36am, Mar 28)
Last: Howling John Shade

NewsblogDavid Ortiz writes The Dirt
(30 - 12:24am, Mar 28)
Last: theboyqueen

NewsblogGrantland: 2015 AL East Preview
(40 - 12:04am, Mar 28)
Last: RoyalsRetro (AG#1F)

NewsblogBBTF 2015 Shooty Memorial Softball Meet-up!
(11 - 11:54pm, Mar 27)
Last: GregD

NewsblogNippon Ham ordered to pay ¥41.9 million for failing to shield spectator from foul ball
(19 - 10:20pm, Mar 27)
Last: McCoy

NewsblogGrantland (Keri): 2015 AL Central Preview
(27 - 9:30pm, Mar 27)
Last: cardsfanboy

NewsblogFor Mookie Betts, milestone marks changed approach - Sports - The Boston Globe
(1 - 9:00pm, Mar 27)
Last: tfbg9

NewsblogMLB Worth $36 Billion As Team Values Hit Record $1.2 Billion Average
(47 - 6:25pm, Mar 27)
Last: dlf

Page rendered in 0.1857 seconds
48 querie(s) executed