Baseball for the Thinking Fan

Login | Register | Feedback

btf_logo
You are here > Home > Baseball Newsstand > Baseball Primer Newsblog > Discussion
Baseball Primer Newsblog
— The Best News Links from the Baseball Newsstand

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

VICE: Baseball Erotica #1: John Smoltz and Tom Glavine

Um, NSFW.

Smoltz remained silent and tried to to stand up straighter. Even his eyes were correctly positioned, looking dully ahead with the plasticine sheen of bad taxidermy. In front of him sat a cork board lined with weather-wilted photocopies of He Who Should Not Be Named, augmented by sharpie to include fecal beards and Pollockian body fluid-based decorations. ####### Maddux.

Smoltz lost track of how many times they repeated this dance. All he knew was that he had to keep getting up. Until one time, he faltered.

As Glavine berated him like a drill sergeant, he forced him down onto hands and knees and hastily cut away his clothing. Smoltz listened to the sound of the scissors as they swam across his outfit, bisecting it for His pleasure, and was grateful for the splinters now, as they gave him something else to think about besides the throbbing marks made by a talented paddler. As Glavine cursed and spat on the floor, Smoltz’s zip-tie bindings cut his skin, listlessly biting at his wrists the way a butter knife saws on a ripe tomato.

RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 11:49 AM | 12 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: braves, erotica, john smoltz, tom glavine, vice

Reader Comments and Retorts

Go to end of page

Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. morineko Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:12 PM (#4760631)
That writer has definitely been around fandom. But not in it, because then she wouldn't have been able to write anything funny.
   2. bigglou115 Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:16 PM (#4760638)
That's it, the internet is ruined. Time to burn the thing down and start from scratch.
   3. BDC Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:18 PM (#4760643)
I read somewhere that zip ties are very impractical for BDSM: lots of risk for injury, very uncomfortable. I would think crafty lefthanders would know better.
   4. The District Attorney Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:25 PM (#4760659)
Zip ties consist of a set of points and lines, NOT a polygonal area.
   5. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:31 PM (#4760670)
At least this finally explains how John Smoltz got those weird iron burns. I just hope that while Smoltzie was on all fours, Glavine didn't repeatedly miss the target by two inches to the right.
   6. The Anthony Kennedy of BBTF (Scott) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 08:16 PM (#4760944)
Part two has Maddux and is tagged "watersports".
   7. The Anthony Kennedy of BBTF (Scott) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 08:18 PM (#4760946)
Yes, please, oh God yes, let me be your anchor, I want to be your ####### anchor.


OK, this is pretty great.
   8. David Nieporent (now, with children) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 08:58 PM (#4760981)
I think #4 deserves a Primey.
   9. Lassus Posted: July 30, 2014 at 11:38 PM (#4761068)
Beaten to it by David.
   10. tshipman Posted: July 31, 2014 at 01:11 AM (#4761091)
#4 is amazing.
   11. Petunia inquires about ponies Posted: July 31, 2014 at 02:19 AM (#4761100)
I think #4 deserves a Primey

#4 deserves everything that is good in life.
   12. RMc and the Acevedo Naysayers: Reunion Tour 2016! Posted: July 31, 2014 at 07:52 AM (#4761116)
WHAT IS THIS I DON'T

You must be Registered and Logged In to post comments.

 

 

<< Back to main

BBTF Partner

Support BBTF

donate

Thanks to
Adam M
for his generous support.

Bookmarks

You must be logged in to view your Bookmarks.

Hot Topics

NewsblogStick to Sports? NEVER! The Intersectionalist Manifesto – HardballTalk
(131 - 10:11pm, Feb 08)
Last: Rickey! weren't no D.J. he was hazy cosmic jive

NewsblogOT: 2016 NFL Playoffs Thread
(2217 - 10:08pm, Feb 08)
Last: Srul Itza

NewsblogOTP - 2016 February 8: There’s baseball, politics … and real problems
(99 - 10:04pm, Feb 08)
Last: I'm not Black I'm Orange Julius

NewsblogCops: [Delmon Young] chokes, threatens to kill valet, unleashes slur-filled tirade
(51 - 9:54pm, Feb 08)
Last: Never Give an Inge (Dave)

NewsblogThe time my family invited itself to Gaylord Perry’s house for lunch – HardballTalk
(5 - 9:35pm, Feb 08)
Last: the Hugh Jorgan returns

NewsblogOT: Monthly NBA Thread - February 2016
(327 - 9:26pm, Feb 08)
Last: JJ1986

NewsblogOT: Soccer Thread - February 2016
(72 - 9:22pm, Feb 08)
Last: Spivey

NewsblogOTP - 2016 February 1: Donald Trump spends $450,000 on red baseball caps in just three months
(2773 - 7:17pm, Feb 08)
Last: Lassus

NewsblogEvaluating the 2016 Prospects: Colorado Rockies | FanGraphs Baseball
(3 - 6:34pm, Feb 08)
Last: Walt Davis

NewsblogPrimer Dugout (and link of the day) 2-8-2016
(17 - 6:03pm, Feb 08)
Last: There's a bustle in Misirlou's hedgerow

NewsblogSunday Notes: Seratelli’s Sayonara, Kaminsky’s Curve, Cards, ARod Managing, more | FanGraphs Baseball
(6 - 5:05pm, Feb 08)
Last: Barry`s_Lazy_Boy

Hall of MeritMost Meritorious Player: 1990 Discussion
(24 - 5:04pm, Feb 08)
Last: EricC

NewsblogLeague Ownership Compliance in League Recruiting Forum
(12 - 4:12pm, Feb 08)
Last: AROM

NewsblogSchoenfield: Top 5 Hall of Fame classes
(48 - 3:45pm, Feb 08)
Last: bbmck

NewsblogLourdes Gurriel, Yulieski Gurriel defect Cuba | MLB.com
(14 - 3:25pm, Feb 08)
Last: KJOK

Page rendered in 0.2687 seconds
47 querie(s) executed