Baseball for the Thinking Fan

Login | Register | Feedback

btf_logo
You are here > Home > Baseball Newsstand > Baseball Primer Newsblog > Discussion
Baseball Primer Newsblog
— The Best News Links from the Baseball Newsstand

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

VICE: Baseball Erotica #1: John Smoltz and Tom Glavine

Um, NSFW.

Smoltz remained silent and tried to to stand up straighter. Even his eyes were correctly positioned, looking dully ahead with the plasticine sheen of bad taxidermy. In front of him sat a cork board lined with weather-wilted photocopies of He Who Should Not Be Named, augmented by sharpie to include fecal beards and Pollockian body fluid-based decorations. ####### Maddux.

Smoltz lost track of how many times they repeated this dance. All he knew was that he had to keep getting up. Until one time, he faltered.

As Glavine berated him like a drill sergeant, he forced him down onto hands and knees and hastily cut away his clothing. Smoltz listened to the sound of the scissors as they swam across his outfit, bisecting it for His pleasure, and was grateful for the splinters now, as they gave him something else to think about besides the throbbing marks made by a talented paddler. As Glavine cursed and spat on the floor, Smoltz’s zip-tie bindings cut his skin, listlessly biting at his wrists the way a butter knife saws on a ripe tomato.

RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 11:49 AM | 12 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: braves, erotica, john smoltz, tom glavine, vice

Reader Comments and Retorts

Go to end of page

Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. morineko Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:12 PM (#4760631)
That writer has definitely been around fandom. But not in it, because then she wouldn't have been able to write anything funny.
   2. bigglou115 Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:16 PM (#4760638)
That's it, the internet is ruined. Time to burn the thing down and start from scratch.
   3. BDC Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:18 PM (#4760643)
I read somewhere that zip ties are very impractical for BDSM: lots of risk for injury, very uncomfortable. I would think crafty lefthanders would know better.
   4. The District Attorney Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:25 PM (#4760659)
Zip ties consist of a set of points and lines, NOT a polygonal area.
   5. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: July 30, 2014 at 03:31 PM (#4760670)
At least this finally explains how John Smoltz got those weird iron burns. I just hope that while Smoltzie was on all fours, Glavine didn't repeatedly miss the target by two inches to the right.
   6. The Anthony Kennedy of BBTF (Scott) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 08:16 PM (#4760944)
Part two has Maddux and is tagged "watersports".
   7. The Anthony Kennedy of BBTF (Scott) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 08:18 PM (#4760946)
Yes, please, oh God yes, let me be your anchor, I want to be your ####### anchor.


OK, this is pretty great.
   8. David Nieporent (now, with children) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 08:58 PM (#4760981)
I think #4 deserves a Primey.
   9. Lassus Posted: July 30, 2014 at 11:38 PM (#4761068)
Beaten to it by David.
   10. tshipman Posted: July 31, 2014 at 01:11 AM (#4761091)
#4 is amazing.
   11. Petunia inquires about ponies Posted: July 31, 2014 at 02:19 AM (#4761100)
I think #4 deserves a Primey

#4 deserves everything that is good in life.
   12. What's the realistic upside, RMc? Posted: July 31, 2014 at 07:52 AM (#4761116)
WHAT IS THIS I DON'T

You must be Registered and Logged In to post comments.

 

 

<< Back to main

BBTF Partner

Support BBTF

donate

Thanks to
Edmundo got dem ol' Kozma blues again mama
for his generous support.

Bookmarks

You must be logged in to view your Bookmarks.

Hot Topics

NewsblogOT: Monthly NBA Thread - May 2015
(362 - 12:24am, May 06)
Last: Howling John Shade

NewsblogJered Weaver: “I’m not hurt … I’ve got no answers”
(8 - 12:22am, May 06)
Last: Ray (RDP)

Newsblog5-5-2015 OMNICHATTER
(114 - 12:18am, May 06)
Last: Spahn Insane

NewsblogOT: 2015 NHL Playoff thread
(156 - 12:16am, May 06)
Last: Yardape

NewsblogKyle Farnsworth is a defensive lineman now, and he leads his team in sacks
(22 - 12:16am, May 06)
Last: Meatwad misses Vincennes

NewsblogTyler Tumminia Has Baseball In Her Blood
(4 - 12:04am, May 06)
Last: the Hugh Jorgan returns

NewsblogTwo Dudes Smooch On Dodgers' Kiss Cam, To Hearty Applause
(102 - 12:02am, May 06)
Last: Spahn Insane

NewsblogOTP - May 2015: Jeb Bush would like to watch baseball with Teddy Roosevelt and Pitbull
(821 - 12:01am, May 06)
Last: tshipman

NewsblogMitch Williams, Lenny Dykstra clash during Philly Sports Roast (Video) | Big League Stew - Yahoo Sports
(8 - 11:56pm, May 05)
Last: just plain joe

NewsblogJays hitting coach Brook Jacoby suspended 14 games
(27 - 11:41pm, May 05)
Last: Spahn Insane

Hall of MeritMost Meritorious Player: 1904 Ballot
(19 - 11:27pm, May 05)
Last: neilsen

Newsblog10 Degrees: Jered Weaver's fastball can't even break a Texas speed limit, and what it means for his future - Yahoo Sports
(25 - 11:06pm, May 05)
Last: shoewizard

NewsblogBrewers fire manager Ron Roenicke, reportedly set to hire Craig Counsell
(92 - 10:57pm, May 05)
Last: PASTE Thinks This Trout Kid Might Be OK (Zeth)

NewsblogMike Moustakas's great 2015 start is a result of him staying the same, improving, and getting worse - Beyond the Box Score
(13 - 10:47pm, May 05)
Last: SoSHially Unacceptable

NewsblogOT: Soccer March 2015
(915 - 10:01pm, May 05)
Last: I am going to be Frank

Page rendered in 0.1777 seconds
48 querie(s) executed