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Monday, March 26, 2012

Video of the Miami Marlins home run feature has finally surfaced

I can easily see a Gottlieb lawsuit tilting their way.

With opening day fast approaching and a new ballpark to open, the Miami Marlins have been preparing by putting their highly anticipated and already much-ridiculed home run display through some dry runs. And, from the looks of this YouTube video, we have some great news: When activated, the monstrosity is as grotesque, obnoxious and over the top as anyone possibly could have imagined.

But beware: It might not be safe for children, the elderly or people with epilepsy to watch.

Repoz Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:08 AM | 92 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: business, miami

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   1. flournoy Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:22 AM (#4089219)
I love it. It's the greeziest, most over-the-top such contraption in the game. It's totally shameless and makes no apologies.
   2. Dangerous Dean Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:24 AM (#4089221)
Dude, you forgot to warn pregnant women not to watch. And come to think of it, warn women that simply watching it may impregnate them. It is THAT over the top.
   3. zonk Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:30 AM (#4089222)
What!?!

I thought they were going to execute a fish from the tank on the visitor's dugout side for every HR?
   4. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:33 AM (#4089224)
That is sooooooo Florida.
   5. Rowland Office Supplies Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:33 AM (#4089225)
And come to think of it, warn women that simply watching it may impregnate them.

I'm not getting a sex-with-women vibe from it.
   6. Jim Wisinski Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:36 AM (#4089227)
I'm in Miami at the moment, too bad I wouldn't be able to get into the stadium to go see that thing in person.

They really should have temporarily relocated it to one of the stages at Ultra Music Festival though, it would have made a nice addition.
   7. Jacob Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:37 AM (#4089229)
I'm sure this cost a shitload of money.

Also, I wonder what ideas we could generate(for this recent contest).
http://www.jeffpearlman.com/we-have-a-winner-book-giveaway-name-the-statue/
   8. flournoy Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:41 AM (#4089231)
I'm not going to the address in #7, but the URL makes it look like Jeff Pearlman is giving one of his books to the "winner" of a contest. Man, you talk about a contest where there truly are no winners.
   9. Nasty Nate Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:44 AM (#4089232)
Second prize is two books!
   10. Fancy Pants Handles lap changes with class Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:47 AM (#4089234)
They really should have temporarily relocated it to one of the stages at Ultra Music Festival though, it would have made a nice addition.

Watching that thing while tripping?... My god, I don't even want to imagine that.
   11. winnipegwhip Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:51 AM (#4089237)
Sampson: So the actual one will work like this?

Designer: What do mean actual. This is the what you requested.

Sampson: How the #### is a 16" home run feature supposed to work in a new stadium?

Designer: Look. Mr. Sampson. You gave me a napkin which explained the height of the work.

Sampson:I know what I wrote. #### the napkin.


   12. Dangerous Dean Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:53 AM (#4089239)
11- Love the Spinal Tap reference
   13. RMc is a fine piece of cheese Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:56 AM (#4089241)
It goes up to eleven!
   14. Anonymous Observer Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:04 AM (#4089242)
That's awful. It looks ridiculously amateurish, like a carinval game. Shoot the spinning fish, make the geyser erupt!

Terrible. The Marlins deserve to be endlessly mocked for this.
   15. Sean Forman Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:10 AM (#4089246)
I was watching a Mr. Rogers rerun with the kids (all free with Amazon Prime) and we watched the episode where he visited his friend Red Grooms.

Grooms was working on this bus at the time.
http://artbusnyc.blogspot.com/2011/10/artbusnyc-red-grooms-paints-town.html

   16. Xander Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:13 AM (#4089247)
More glorious than I ever expected. Looks amazing.
   17. zack Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:15 AM (#4089250)
Sadly, I'm not sure if there is anything left of Gottlieb to sue. Stern is the only brand making pins anymore, though I think there was some start-up that just released a new one last year.
   18. Guapo Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:20 AM (#4089251)
   19. Never Give an Inge (Dave) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:20 AM (#4089252)

Between this and the new uniforms, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to believe Loria is an art dealer.
   20. Brian C Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:37 AM (#4089258)
So I'm the only one that watched this and said, "that's it?"
   21. LionoftheSenate (Brewers v A's World Series) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:37 AM (#4089259)
Wow. Minor League baseball on steroids.
   22. winnipegwhip Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:41 AM (#4089260)
Between this and the new uniforms, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to believe Loria is an art dealer.


Enough people have purchase a "Velvet Elvis" over time to amass a fortune.
   23. UCCF Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:42 AM (#4089261)
So I'm the only one that watched this and said, "that's it?"

Nope. Kinda seemed like the whole thing was moving in slow motion, and it wasn't nearly as impressive as I'd expect. The plumes of water shooting upward were particularly unremarkable.

If you're going to do this, it should be so over-the-top crazy that it's actually fun. This is just run-of-the-mill kitsch.

I do like what appears to be a well-lit marijuana leaf in the middle of the structure, though. Toke up and celebrate a Marlins home run is an excellent message, particularly in a state where so many of the team's fans are likely to be glaucoma sufferers.
   24. Jim (jimmuscomp) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:44 AM (#4089263)
Brian - I was underwhelmed too. It needs music. Glorious Dub-Step, D&B, Trance/House/Techno music.
   25. LionoftheSenate (Brewers v A's World Series) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:48 AM (#4089265)
Lame run of the mill kitsch needs Spring Training too.
   26. Sean Forman Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:49 AM (#4089266)

If you're going to do this, it should be so over-the-top crazy that it's actually fun. This is just run-of-the-mill kitsch.


I think something like lights on the fish, flamingos and birds would be a nice add.

That and lasers.
   27. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:54 AM (#4089268)
I think something like lights on the fish, flamingos and birds would be a nice add.

That and lasers.


Fireworks!
   28. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:54 AM (#4089269)

I think something like lights on the fish, flamingos and birds would be a nice add.

That and lasers.


All I wanted were dolphins with friggin' laser beams attached to their heads. Is that too much to ask?
   29. OsunaSakata Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:00 AM (#4089271)
I have a feeling that while it might be mechanically complete, the sound, music and lighting effects still have to be tweaked. Depending on the reaction on opening night, it may well be different before the end of the season.
   30. Drew (Primakov, Gungho Iguanas) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:01 AM (#4089272)
Wow. Minor League baseball on steroids.


Winner.
   31. SteveM. Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:03 AM (#4089273)
Did Liberace design that? Wow, just wow.
   32. Drew (Primakov, Gungho Iguanas) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:04 AM (#4089274)
Actually, I'm kind of surprised that that's all it does.

And upon further review, how is something like this much different than a guy in a suit dunking himself in an oversized beer mug?
   33. Bourbon Samurai Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:05 AM (#4089276)
This is the best thing ever. Three cheers.
   34. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:07 AM (#4089277)
Between this and the new uniforms, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to believe Loria is an art dealer.


Maybe he owns one of those Thomas Kinkade "galleries"?
   35. zonk Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:09 AM (#4089280)
Actually, I'm kind of surprised that that's all it does.


Well, this is just a test run --

In-season, a bag of money labeled "Steinbrenner" will be held aloft by a mermaid while a dolphin dressed as Poseidon lights it on fire.

/Yankee redneck
   36. DA Baracus Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:11 AM (#4089281)
If that doesn't get fans to the stadium, nothing will.
   37. Brian C Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:18 AM (#4089284)
If that doesn't get fans to the stadium, nothing will.

They should install this at Joe Robbie Pro Player Dolphins Dolphin Land Shark Sun Life Stadium and test that theory.
   38. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:25 AM (#4089288)
Looks like dolphins crossing in front of a pot leaf.
   39. DA Baracus Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:30 AM (#4089291)
They should install this at Joe Robbie Pro Player Dolphins Dolphin Land Shark Sun Life Stadium and test that theory.


I wouldn't put it past Stephen Ross.
   40. Jose Is The Most Absurd Thing on the Site Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:31 AM (#4089292)
Actually, I'm kind of surprised that that's all it does.


Seconded. After all the hubbub I find it more boring than obnoxious.
   41. Yeaarrgghhhh Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:39 AM (#4089294)
If you're going to do this, it should be so over-the-top crazy that it's actually fun. This is just run-of-the-mill kitsch.

Actually, what's impressive about this is that it's ugly, tacky, gaudy, cheesy, over-the-top, and kind of boring. It takes real skill to pull off that combination.
   42. Dave Spiwak Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:47 AM (#4089300)
At the very least this carnival contraption is going to need some smoke, loud music, lasers, and fireworks. Maybe bulk those water jets up Tooltime Tim Taylor-style and fire some sardines into the crowd or something.
   43. Drew (Primakov, Gungho Iguanas) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:48 AM (#4089302)
It takes real skill to pull off that combination.


And it has that dime-store aesthetic that fits so nicely with the Loria regime.
   44. The Piehole of David Wells Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:49 AM (#4089303)
I'm kind of disappointed in it. I really expected something more garish and spectacular. It's a little understated. Also, how big is it? Will it even be visible from the seats behind home plate? I guess my complaint is that it looks more made for TV than for the fans in the stadium. If you're going to do that kind of thing, it should be so big that it casts a shadow on downtown Miami or something.
   45. tshipman Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:53 AM (#4089305)
Yeah, I am okay with this if it's like 100 feet tall, but if it's like 10 feet tall, it seems like a massive disappointment.
   46. Jacob Posted: March 26, 2012 at 11:58 AM (#4089308)
From Wikipedia:

Home Run Feature: Dead center field has a home run feature akin to Citi Field's Home Run Apple but different in design and feel. The piece, designed by Red Grooms, is located behind the outfield wall, partially visible during a game. It is between 50 feet (15 m) to 60 feet (18 m) tall, with bright pink, blue, aqua, and orange colors along with many moving parts. The art feature will rise from a pool of Grooms-designed water and dotted with clouds, pelicans and seagulls. Marlins will jump and laser lights will shine. The home run feature is budgeted at $2.5 million and included in the $515 million cost of the 37,000-seat retractable roof ballpark under construction.[24] Fan reaction to the home run display has been overwhelmingly negative, with a majority of people calling it "tacky."[25] Marlins players have also complained about the sculpture, claiming it could cause a distraction to batters, especially left handed batters.[26]
   47. Drew (Primakov, Gungho Iguanas) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 12:00 PM (#4089309)
The home run feature is budgeted at $2.5 million

Now we know why Loria is so cheap with his players--he gets jobbed in every monetary transaction. $2.5M for THAT?

That's almost a tenth of his usual player budget, FFS.
   48. Pingu Posted: March 26, 2012 at 12:11 PM (#4089311)
This is awful. Not tacky, not over the top. It just sucks. On many levels.
   49. winnipegwhip Posted: March 26, 2012 at 12:14 PM (#4089312)
It is so bad that Bill Veeck would find this tasteless.
   50. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 12:15 PM (#4089313)
The art feature will rise from a pool of Grooms-designed water

HTF do you "design" water?
   51. Gamingboy Posted: March 26, 2012 at 12:20 PM (#4089315)
It is planning against us!
   52. zonk Posted: March 26, 2012 at 12:21 PM (#4089316)
It is so bad that Bill Veeck would find this tasteless.


It will provide a wonderful backdrop for the upcoming Pink Flamingo Demolition Night promotion...
   53. Jorge Luis Bourjos (Walewander) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 12:49 PM (#4089328)
I hate Loria and Samson's awful record as MLB owners.

But this, this is definitely their finest moment.
   54. A triple short of the cycle Posted: March 26, 2012 at 12:52 PM (#4089329)
Sadly, I'm not sure if there is anything left of Gottlieb to sue. Stern is the only brand making pins anymore, though I think there was some start-up that just released a new one last year.

The new startup is Jersey Jack Pinball. Their first game will be The Wizard of Oz. It is still in production, has not been released yet.
   55. Drew (Primakov, Gungho Iguanas) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 12:54 PM (#4089332)
Crisco Demolition Night. Call it an event to raise transfat awareness.
   56. Fancy Pants Handles lap changes with class Posted: March 26, 2012 at 01:15 PM (#4089342)
Call it an event to raise transfat awareness.

I'm aware of transfat. It's delicious.
   57. Bob Evans Posted: March 26, 2012 at 01:23 PM (#4089348)
So I'm the only one that watched this and said, "that's it?"

No, you are not. What a letdown.
   58. Ravecc Posted: March 26, 2012 at 01:28 PM (#4089354)
What’s with the giant marijuana leaf?

What amuses me is the marlin on top that’s just aimlessly spinning. It’s like one of those Food Network “Challenge” shows where a cake/candy/thing has to be ye high, so the chefs just tack on something to meet the height requirement.

I hope they haven’t really followed the Citifield apple, which took 15 seconds to reset, so it didn’t work for back-to-back homeruns. I don’t know if they’ve fixed it --- the Mets haven’t hit back-to-backs in 2 years. Or that’s what it feels like.
   59. OsunaSakata Posted: March 26, 2012 at 01:32 PM (#4089357)
Loria's big break was helping develop an art collection sold through Sears and endorsed by Vincent Price in the 1960s. Teh Interwebs says he also deals in works by artists you've heard of like Pablo Picasso and Henry Moore.
   60. Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 02:02 PM (#4089382)
And upon further review, how is something like this much different than a guy in a suit dunking himself in an oversized beer mug?


because your average fan would like to be the guy who slides into an oversized beer mug.
   61. zonk Posted: March 26, 2012 at 02:05 PM (#4089383)
because your average fan would like to be the guy who slides into an oversized beer mug.


Hi, I'm Troy McClure... You might remember me from such fantasies as naked in the Marlins fish tank and if only I were a bank of blue neon lights with mechanical fish rubbing against me...
   62. bigglou115 Posted: March 26, 2012 at 02:08 PM (#4089388)
$2.5 M? Seems like you could make it out of wood, stuff you buy at radio shack, and a rusted out Chevy for $1000 and just replace it every year for 2,500 years.
   63. JE (Jason) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 02:21 PM (#4089399)
The damn stadium's one big Godzilla magnet.
   64. Random Transaction Generator Posted: March 26, 2012 at 02:32 PM (#4089411)
because your average fan would like to be the guy who slides into an oversized beer mug.

That sounds more dangerous than being on a trampoline.
   65. Voros McCracken of Pinkus Posted: March 26, 2012 at 02:34 PM (#4089413)
I think it can be saved if it plays the theme to Miami Vice when it goes off.
   66. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 02:39 PM (#4089416)
That sounds more dangerous than being on a trampoline.

We've covered this, nothing is more dangerous than a trampoline.
   67. Voros McCracken of Pinkus Posted: March 26, 2012 at 02:43 PM (#4089421)
We've covered this, nothing is more dangerous than a trampoline.


See, in the old days I could post as "Geraldo Rivera" and say "Wearing a hooded sweatshirt." Ah the good old days...
   68. Karl from NY Posted: March 26, 2012 at 02:49 PM (#4089424)
I guess my complaint is that it looks more made for TV than for the fans in the stadium.
Yeah, I am okay with this if it's like 100 feet tall, but if it's like 10 feet tall, it seems like a massive disappointment.
This exactly describes the New Year's ball in Times Square. It looks huge on TV, but it's actually only about 7 feet wide, so in person, it's actually tiny and just about completely lost among all the other neon signage in the area.

Same holds for the wheel on Wheel of Fortune. It looks huge on TV, but pay attention when Sajak or someone is standing near it, it's only about as wide as a person is tall. It'd fit with plenty of room to spare in your bedroom or even kitchen.
   69. zonk Posted: March 26, 2012 at 02:51 PM (#4089425)
See, in the old days I could post as "Geraldo Rivera" and say "Wearing a hooded sweatshirt." Ah the good old days...


The Handle doctrine rub amok...
   70. The elusive Robert Denby Posted: March 26, 2012 at 03:36 PM (#4089461)
To quote the great actor Calculon, "That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer!"
   71. Comic Strip Person Posted: March 26, 2012 at 04:04 PM (#4089474)
It took me a while to figure out that the waterspout was happening each time a dolphin cycled back down into the Red Grooms-designed water. I think it would make more sense to have waterspouts on both sides, and don't try to time them to the dolphins.
And, laser. The spinning Marlin should have lasers shooting out of its nose/snout/sword/ (you know, whatever's on the front of a marlin's face).
And yes, faster. Way faster. With music.

I'm kind of embarrassed that I'm thinking of ways to make that thing better.
   72. The Yankee Clapper Posted: March 26, 2012 at 05:47 PM (#4089587)
Needs fireworks. Lasers, too.
   73. rlc Posted: March 26, 2012 at 05:49 PM (#4089590)
HTF do you "design" water?


Wire me the earnest money and I'll fax over some sketches.
   74. Steve Balboni's Personal Trainer Posted: March 26, 2012 at 07:33 PM (#4089681)
I think it can be saved if it plays the theme to Miami Vice when it goes off.


I think I actually agree with this. Seriously, listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQDU-2qMre0


If you're going to have a cheesy display, then get cheesy with the music, too, and you can make it a fun experience.
   75. DA Baracus Posted: March 26, 2012 at 07:36 PM (#4089684)
I just showed my girlfriend this. She asked "did they let someone's child design this?"
   76. Slivers of Maranville descends into chaos (SdeB) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 08:13 PM (#4089699)
Looks to me like a test run. Presumably when in action it will flash more, there will be music, the dolphins will spin faster, etc.
   77. Bob Evans Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:01 PM (#4089726)
I think it can be saved if it plays the theme to Miami Vice when it goes off.

"In the Navy", maybe.
   78. VK_Ratliff Posted: March 26, 2012 at 09:34 PM (#4089756)
How is this worse than the Flintstones tableau at Angels Stadium?
   79. Never Give an Inge (Dave) Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:02 PM (#4089789)

This exactly describes the New Year's ball in Times Square. It looks huge on TV, but it's actually only about 7 feet wide, so in person, it's actually tiny and just about completely lost among all the other neon signage in the area.

The ball is actually now 12 feet in diameter (up until a few years ago they were 6 feet), according to Wikipedia. I only looked this up because I saw the ball in person this year, prior to New Year's Eve, and it looked a lot bigger than 7 feet.
   80. fra paolo Posted: March 26, 2012 at 10:54 PM (#4089839)
This is exactly what I would anticipate an art dealer of Loria's vintage to commission.
   81. Juan V Posted: March 27, 2012 at 01:28 AM (#4089888)
I think this is a test run. The MLB2K12 version (in the related videos) has all sorts of flashing lights. Which make it more over-the-top tacky and awesome.
   82. the Hugh Jorgan returns Posted: March 27, 2012 at 01:31 AM (#4089889)
Awesome. The good people of Florida and the U.S.A. as a whole must be so proud.

If you had something like that at Old Trafford or Loftus Versvelt they burn it to the ground in the first 10 minutes.
   83. Everybody Loves Tyrus Raymond Posted: March 27, 2012 at 01:46 AM (#4089892)
I'm officially ruling that this contraption is totally awesome.
   84. Phil Coorey is a T-Shirt Salesman Posted: March 27, 2012 at 07:57 AM (#4089926)
As one of the comments on you tube said..."There isn't enough cocaine in the world to make sense of? this"
   85. Hack Wilson Posted: March 27, 2012 at 08:13 AM (#4089933)
I don't think it will survive Loria's newest promotion, "Bring Your Target Pistol to the Ballpark."
   86. winnipegwhip Posted: March 27, 2012 at 11:04 AM (#4090075)
Nothing says Miami more than on a Marlin homerun. A robotic Tony Montana appears on a balcony with a machine gun getting filled with machine gun fire.
   87. Crispix reaches boiling point with lackluster play Posted: March 27, 2012 at 11:26 AM (#4090114)
"In the Navy", maybe.


No, it's going to play "Macho Man" and the scoreboard will have an animated video of the player who hit the home run dancing and posing.

Nothing says Miami more than on a Marlin homerun. A robotic Tony Montana appears on a balcony with a machine gun getting filled with machine gun fire.


That was the first choice, but was deemed incompatible with MLB's drug policy. They decided to go with a theme inspired by the second-most famous movie with a Miami setting, "The Birdcage".
   88. cardsfanboy Posted: March 27, 2012 at 11:33 AM (#4090123)
That is it? I was really hoping for something excessive.

Have to agree with some of the comments, this really needs more, it's nothing special as is. Fireworks, a lazer show etc. I'm not really seeing much real difference between this and the led light the Cardinals had in the seventies that flew around the scoreboard after a homerun.

I think this is a test run. The MLB2K12 version (in the related videos) has all sorts of flashing lights. Which make it more over-the-top tacky and awesome.


I hope so.
   89. The kids disappeared, now Der-K has too much candy Posted: March 27, 2012 at 12:09 PM (#4090195)
I'm in the "this isn't excessive enough" camp as well. Dumb, but not fun.
   90. Daunte Vicknabbit! Posted: March 27, 2012 at 01:13 PM (#4090285)
As a Floridian and one-time Marlin fan, I am anxiously awaiting my annual trip to Miami for a Marlins game. If I am able to, I will suggest the dubstep idea to any and all fans in my vicinity, hoping it will spread like wildfire and incite Loria to have Skrillex personally DJ every Marlins game.
   91. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: March 27, 2012 at 05:36 PM (#4090620)
   92. Nasty Nate Posted: March 27, 2012 at 05:47 PM (#4090634)
If you had something like that at Old Trafford or Loftus Versvelt they burn it to the ground in the first 10 minutes.


I don't know what those things are but the names sound suspiciously European and soccerish and therefore don't belong in this thread which is going America all over your ass.

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