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Baseball Primer Newsblog— The Best News Links from the Baseball Newsstand
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
You MUST click through to watch the hilarious “E:60” mini-documentary about Teddy’s repeated failures, set to stirring patriotic music, and written and narrated by Ken Burns (!).
“Theodore Roosevelt was one of the great presidents,” McCain said. “He brought America into the 20th century and transitioned us from a relatively minor nation into a great power….I’ve been paying a LOT of attention to the fact that one of the truly great presidents in history has NEVER won a race. I am outraged. That’s why I am calling for Congressional hearings to right this horrible wrong…I’m often consoled in times after I see my beloved TR finish last. I’m reminded of his immortal words: The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood. Who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. Go Teddy!”
Go now, and watch Teddy being felled by an errant landshark, a drunken leprechaun (who then does a jig on his prostrate body), and the Kool-Aid Man, who busted out from behind a hidden wall to t-bone the hapless Rough Riding mascot mere seconds before he was about to notch his first win.
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1. BourbonSamurai, vassal of the Harpsburg Empire Posted: September 19, 2012 at 07:44 PM (#4240579)Gerald Ford would probably beg to differ on that, although admittedly if we are only including athleticism as president it is Teddy hands down.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9JAtl3Jm3k
I, too, love TR -- I actually picked up a first edition of Teddy's autobiography at a charity rummage sale for $10 last night... it's not in pristine shape or anything, but I was pretty elated to run across it.
If we're going to rank 'athletic Presidents' -- I do think George Washington probably at least belongs in the discussion. He was tall, considered one of the best riders in the colonies, and generally a rather vigorous fellow.
Awfully hard to make era adjustment between the three of them -- but I think GW belongs in the top 3 with Teddy and Ford.
Who else would make up the top 5? Lincoln was supposedly a pretty good 'rassler'... HW? Obama?
I think the 'least athletic' probably has to start and end with Taft (depending on how you deal with FDR's polio... though - he was pretty active prior and swam a hell of a lot post-polio).
JFK would probably be the Jeff Franceour -- everyone probably thought he was athletic and he cultivated the image well, but he had tons of health problems by his 40s.
(Teddy was of course DQ'd for violating the rules.)
Obama's not all that accomplished by standard measurements, but if you can believe that Michael Lewis profile in Vanity Fair, at 51 he still plays basketball against an impressive collection of former NBA players, and anyone who cuts him any slack during these games doesn't get invited back. Given the mix of athletic talent and conditioning that goes into basketball, and given the level of competition that Lewis describe, that's more than 99% of men in their 50's could ever dream of doing.
He's a natural athlete, but not gritty at all.
Can we give Jim Thorpe muttonchops and just insist to the Russkies that he's actually Chester Arthur?
I've got to find room for that on my list of top 10 things on the internet... time for the Pamela Anderson sex tape to drop off?
FWIW- I disagree (he picks TR)... Andrew Jackson would win and I don't think it would be particularly close.
Damned one percenters!
Agreed; in grade school, I was proud to talk about Andrew Jackson in my history class. Any man who's last two regrets involved not killing/harming someone, I'd be willing to put my money on.
Maybe if a sitting President would volunteer to don the TR costume.
Grant was also pretty short, supposedly. As was Polk, another guy that the writer said would do well. They wrote "Hail to the Chief" for him because people didn't notice when he entered the room.
I'd think Washington or Grant. They were both officers at the right time to have experience with both horsemanship and at least a little swordsmanship. The modern guns might freak them out, though.
Putin recently admitted that all of his gung-ho outdoor exploits were staged for publicity purposes, so it might not be as hard as you'd think.
Clinton, Harding, and JFK would seem to be the likely candidates, although -- let me put in a darkhorse vote for George Washington again... while I do not believe there's any evidence of infidelity, I do believe Washington was considered a bit of a flirt - in his younger days, a rather dashing figure and one highly sought after for dances at society events.
If only Ben Franklin had wanted to be President!
What about Mark Twain? Not a politician, obviously, but the man's coolness and badass cred is often heavily overlooked. The man piloted riverboats, went on a stagecoach into the Wild West, toured almost every part of the world at one time or another, hung out with Nikola Tesla, did rabblerousing against the establishment that in some cases would still be considered radical today, all while growing his epic mustache...
This gives me an idea for a presidential Don Juan...
Supposedly Lyndon Johnson was much more successful in sheer numbers than Kennedy, just not the same high quality.
She sure didn't take W's backrubs very well. And that really happened.
How'd you like to have one of these hideous devices described in this article strapped on you lest you "abuse" yourself in bed one morning? Kind of takes the sheen off Teddy and his pals.
So I really don't care if Teddy ever wins. If he does, woo hoo. If not, meh.
1. The Lewis article is almost certainly embellished a bit.
2. Even that did not say he was playing against NBA players. They were former college and overseas professional players.
3. There is no way Obama could hold his own against NBA players without them letting him. He's the same age as Michael Jordan, and at this point I don't think even Jordan could do that.
I'm sure Clinton was quite athletic, as long as the playing field was a mattress.
You should have seen me at Fallen Timbers. Let me in the race and that asthmatic TR will never have a chance.
Obama's brother-in-law, who coaches Oregon State, has said Obama could have played lower division college ball. That's pretty good but doesn't top Ford being able to play football at Michigan. I think Obama is probably in the best shape of any sitting president we've had in a long time, though. Maybe ever. He's youngish and he seems fairly dedicated to his exercise routine.
I'd go with any of the presidents that had sword or bayonet experience. You only get one mistake in a knife fight; there is no learning curve.
Ha! I'm related to them - although directly through Charles, not John Quincy. He was the drunken one - don't know if that means he was likely to be more athletic. I'll assume my prowess derives from some other ancestor.
The thing is that Jackson could be careless in a rage and went into a rage fairly easily. He once got shot in the back by the brother of a man he was about to start pistol-whipping.
Agreed. Mostly because he would bring a gun to the knife fight. After her ran out of bullets, he would then use his cane.
If only Ben Franklin had wanted to be President!
If only Aaron Burr had succeeded in stealing the election from Jefferson...at age 77, he married a younger widow for her money and they eventually divorced because he was spending all her money and (according to some) cheating on her.
Chris Christie sure hopes so.
Never underestimate the power of audacity, though --
Since the knife fight rules DO allow for alliances, this might end up being Jackson's Achilles heel... entirely possible that a large chunk of other Presidents, few of whom were really stupid and many of whom were plenty devious, would decide among 15-20 of themselves that of paramount importance was taking out Old Hickory first. Given that Jackson would probably find common cause with only Van Buren and maybe Jefferson -- you could easily easily see a motley gang of say... JQ Adams convincing Nixon, Reagan, JFK, LBJ, Clinton, FDR, TR, Wilson, and the Bushes that they ought to form an early alliance to deal with Jackson.
Did W really play ball at Yale? I know his dad did, but I had never heard the younger did, only that he was a cheerleader. If he did, that raises him a few notches in my estimation of him.
Heh, didn't know that. But the king of old age fertility has to be Tyler. He has a grandson or two still living!
Chris Christie, the new Andrew Jackson?
If you watch the youtube of Christie screaming at some guy who said something snide at the boardwalk, that right there is Andrew Jackson incarnate! Screaming, "Bring it on! Yeah, you better walk away!" While people look on in bafflement.
Teddy can win after they win a World Series, but it's a funny gag the way it is. I'd also like to see the team add a new president each year and then more or less randomly choose who to run from the costume catalog each game. They could even keep the "Roosevelt never wins" gag going but it wouldn't be as obvious.
Also, the question of athleticism has two aspects: Peak and Presidential Conditioning. Roosevelt and Obama and Bush 43 were pretty young while in office and get a significant boost compared to someone like Bush 41 who had a higher peak but was old in office. It's like Peak vs Career when discussing the HoF.
This is a really good thread.
His life was 1790-1862. His son, born when he was 63, had kids at age 71 and 75. While 63 is old for a daddy it's nowhere near a record, he's got nothing on Walder Frey. There must be somebody out there with a grandfather born before 1750.
I think Christie can win in 4 years, actually, if he learns to control his temper. That's a bigger handicap for him than being a lard ass.
The fact that a famous man born in 1790 could have grandchildren alive in 2012 was absolutely unbelievable to me.
I believe that W gave up running because of his knees and took up biking. I really don't think Obama is a very good athlete or even a good enough basketball player to have played DIII. He looks really stiff when playing basketball. He reminds me of the grad students I would see who were more athletic than his peers, but never really played enough basketball growing up to not look a little bit awkward. Probably didn't help he was living in Indonesia at the age when most kids pick up sports.
He's also not 19 years old anymore.
I also will say that I am skeptical of the Obama could have played real college ball argument. He was on a great h.s. team but only made varsity as a senior and barely played, right? There are late bloomers in the world, no doubt, but that's an exception. But Obama is in fine shape. And I used to have friends in Chicago who worked out at the same time as Michelle, and they said she is ridiculous shape.
Pfft. Paul Ryan could do that for 26.2.
Michelle Obama is in fabulous shape.... I mean - she's 48 fer chrissakes and I think she could pass for a woman in her 30s just fine if she dressed the part.
Every time she wears a sleeveless dress, her guns look better than those on most women in their 20s.
Her outfits always make her look so darn hippy (because, I suspect, she IS hippy). And those half-pushups she does make me a little sad.
Still, in the First Lady Knife-Fight, my money's on Mrs. Obama.
I wonder if Craig Robinson has ever played in the president's pickup game.
Hell, they look better than most MEN in their 20s.
I would sign up for a charity bike ride led by W and Barry Bonds in a heartbeat.
Pierce was a drunk, right? He died of cirrhosis of the liver, anyway, so I'm assuming he's a serious contender for least athletic President.
I seem to remember when Bill Richardson was running for President, there was a lot of talk that his fatness was hurting him, even to the point that his aides were insisting he just looked fat, he was actually in quite good shape. I think this is known as the "Prince Fielder Defense."
Rush Limabugh said she's fat. Also presumably a Viagra user.
I think he was considered a heavy - but functional and jovial drinker - up until he became President. On a train to DC (for his own inauguration, I think) - the train derailed and his last remaining son (two previous children died very young) was killed. It was apparently horrific - I think the child was decapitated in front of him and Pierce hurriedly tried to cover his son's body before his wife (who was adamantly opposed to him running for President) saw it. His drinking picked up significantly thereafter.
What's more - Pierce, though a northerner, was very critical of Lincoln during the Civil War (especially habeas corpus suspensions, etc) and was time and again hounded by Lincoln stalwarts. He also got into a rather notable spat with Sec of State William Seward -- to the point that Seward all but accused him in writing of sedition, and Pierce demanded his outraged response be put on file. In fact, after the assassination of Lincoln, I believe an angry mob gathered outside his home and came very close to turning ugly because it was felt that Pierce wasn't showing the appropriate level of symbolic mourning (black curtains and such).
If you wanted to pick a President more beset by tragedy (I suppose, discounting those assassinated!) -- it would be awfully hard to find a better sad sack than Pierce, and I think that might even include Lincoln.
Interesting stuff on Pierce, I knew some of that--the bit about his sons--but also knew he was known as "Franklin Pierce, hero of many a well-fought bottle."
Also, how has no one bet on Nixon yet? In a fight to the death, I'm probably betting on Nixon. He'll nuke you from space.
Ah, I think Nixon, like many pols, was best at making you think he was more of a man or whatever than he actually was. Terrible football player, came up with plays for NFL teams that didn't work, couldn't pull off a third rate burglary, etc. etc. etc. Probably was a lousy bowler, too. My guess is with Nixon on the team you lose, you pay the price, he doesn't, and pretty soon someone's talking about having nixon on their team again.
Actually, Nixon was an avid bowler. His administration has been referred to as the Golden Age of White House bowling.
EDIT: Of course, you have to be properly attired to bowl at the White House.
He retires?
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