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Sunday, August 05, 2012

Washington Post: Orzulak: Seriously, Nats: It’s Time For Teddy To Win

Teddy has been tripped and tackled. He’s pulled a hamstring. He’s been attacked by a panther. He’s slipped on banana peels, run the wrong way and been disqualified for riding a scooter, a Segway, a golf cart, a zip line and a rickshaw. Most often, he’s been distracted at the last minute — by popsicles,signs in the stands, Mother’s Day flowers, a kangaroo, a rally penguin, a racing monkey, a giant panda, a rogue lobster, a juggling clown, Miss Iowa and even the space shuttle Discovery.

Sure, there have been occasional moments of grace, like the smackdown Teddy delivered to the Baltimore Oriole Bird, who had tripped him, in 2008, or the memorable night against Milwaukee in 2010 when Teddy, lying in wait with a knife and fork, took down five racing sausages, allowing Abe to race to victory.

But bad luck has even traveled with him. When the presidents were loaned out to a New York Islanders hockey game on Presidents’ Day this year, Teddy got checked into the boards by George when he was about to cross the blue line. At baseball’s All-Star Game in Kansas City, Mo., last month, Teddy was the anchor leg for one of two teams in a race of mascots. With a huge lead, Teddy was an inch from victory when he suddenly stopped, turned and cold-cocked the Brewers’ racing Bratwurst, who then stumbled to victory.

A terrible way to treat America’s most athletic president.

 

The Yankee Clapper Posted: August 05, 2012 at 08:07 PM | 17 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: nationals

Reader Comments and Retorts

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   1. Dale H. Posted: August 05, 2012 at 10:00 PM (#4201183)
HO'OD WIN: Mark Grace or Teddy Roosevelt?
   2. Bourbon Samurai in Asia Posted: August 05, 2012 at 10:37 PM (#4201198)
No Teddy victory until we clinch the playoffs at least!
   3. Esoteric Posted: August 05, 2012 at 10:49 PM (#4201205)
When the Nats first unveiled the "Racing Presidents" it seemed like a pale knockoff of the Brewers "sausage races." Since then, however, it has developed organically into a fine, funny DC baseball tradition, with the unique "Teddy never wins" twist that makes it our own. The fact that there are people out there crying (as in this article) "Let Teddy Win!" and rattling off all the amusing ways he's had victory snatched out of his hands, Wile E. Coyote-style, is proof in and of itself of how successful the gimmick has been.

And if they're ever going to Let Teddy Win it has to be, as BourbonSamurai says, on a truly momentous occasion: the night the Nats finally clinch the franchise's first playoff appearance.
   4. TerpNats Posted: August 05, 2012 at 11:00 PM (#4201212)
The Olympic-themed event races on the recent homestand were hilarious. I used to hate the "Teddy never wins" motif, but now I look at this as almost a parody of races held at other ballparks. (But he should win in the first race held after the Nationals clinch a playoff berth!)
   5. Best Regards, President of Comfort, Esq. Posted: August 06, 2012 at 08:25 AM (#4201312)
Teddy will never win.
   6. Lassus Posted: August 06, 2012 at 09:03 AM (#4201333)
If I were in charge I'd have Teddy finally win, then take off his mask and really it's actually Dewey.
   7. ThisElevatorIsDrivingMeUpTheWall Posted: August 06, 2012 at 09:07 AM (#4201336)
Teddy winning would be as disturbing as that Bugs Bunny short where he's hypnotized into being Elmer Fudd.
   8. aleskel Posted: August 06, 2012 at 09:50 AM (#4201365)
the night the Nats finally clinch the franchise's first playoff appearance.

Second.
   9. Chris Needham Posted: August 06, 2012 at 09:59 AM (#4201371)
Montreal??? Never heard of them.
   10. Guapo Posted: August 06, 2012 at 10:05 AM (#4201373)
BREAKING NEWS: Joke, repeated nightly for seven straight years, is no longer funny
   11. Best Regards, President of Comfort, Esq. Posted: August 06, 2012 at 10:35 AM (#4201392)
BREAKING NEWS: Joke, repeated nightly for seven straight years, is no longer funny
It's almost always a straight race, with Teddy just losing. Every now and then they make it seem like he'll win, and then he loses.
   12. ThisElevatorIsDrivingMeUpTheWall Posted: August 06, 2012 at 10:56 AM (#4201413)
They've had Screech disallow at least one win for some bogus thing like touching the outfield grass.
   13. The Yankee Clapper Posted: August 06, 2012 at 02:47 PM (#4201628)
I'm more than a little surprised that Teddy hasn't "gone rogue" in an end-of-season game. What could the Nats do, shoot him?

   14. Bitter Mouse, Space Tyrant Posted: August 06, 2012 at 03:00 PM (#4201641)
BREAKING NEWS: Joke, repeated nightly for seven straight years, is no longer funny


Disagree. The joke stops being funny, but then slowly it becomes funny again. It becomes zombie humor and never dies. Teddy should only win in a world series game. Until then, no go.
   15. jingoist Posted: August 06, 2012 at 03:02 PM (#4201644)
Our luck; he'd "go rogue" and hurt one of our starting fielders who was innocently standing by watching the race.
The real TR was such a competitive personality; he msut be doing sommersaults in his grave over this on-going travesty over perpetual losing.
   16. PreservedFish Posted: August 06, 2012 at 03:11 PM (#4201652)
Prediction: the Nats will allow Teddy to win while seemingly on the verge of a momentous victory. The Nats will lose that game, and will collapse. Thus: the Curse of Teddy Roosevelt.
   17. Esoteric Posted: August 06, 2012 at 03:54 PM (#4201690)
Disagree. The joke stops being funny, but then slowly it becomes funny again. It becomes zombie humor and never dies. Teddy should only win in a world series game. Until then, no go.
This is exactly right. Somewhere around loss no. 300 or so it was tired and unfunny. Now? It's become deathless.

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