Yahoo: The Reading Phillies’ crazy Home Run Derby is going to be an all-out assault on your senses

The team will host a party for 500 people on an infield that features a bar, a full-service grill, an oyster bar and a dessert stand. A 12-foot screen will protect the party attendees from errant line drives and any advances from your newest member of the Reading Phillies, first baseman Prince Fielder. (Don’t believe that Detroit news.)

• Derby participants will earn points by hitting any of several outfield targets, including an R-Phils intern bouncing on a trampoline, a R-Phils intern dangling from the end of a crane and a R-Phils intern sitting in a dunk tank. In related news, the Reading Phillies are considering implementing the first-ever intern disabled list this season.

• Derby participants will be penalized for any baseballs caught by roving mascots in the outfield. Who, by the way, will be busy dodging the “golf ball picker upper” that players can also hit for bonus points.

I’m not sure the article needs all the rhetorical flourishes, since the reality sounds crazy enough.