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Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Yankees undefeated with relief pitcher wearing horse’s head

How about naming it after Legolas’s horse?

At the bottom of Shawn Kelley’s locker sat 1.1 pounds of horror. It had giant nostrils and a full set of teeth and frightened brown eyes and a lovely mane. It is the New York Yankees’ new good-luck charm… Since he debuted the horse head during the Yankees’ pregame stretch Thursday, they are 5-0…

Kelley tries to make the performance all his own. He ran around the clubhouse wearing the head after Monday’s win and high-fived teammates. He’ll bring it on the field before games, looking like a pinstriped Hayagriva.

“You can’t help but laugh at a guy in a horse head,” Yankees catcher Brian McCann said. “He nails it. When he goes into character, there’s no getting him out of it. He’s a rock star. That’s what he is.”

Every animal needs a name, of course, and this one offered tantalizing possibilities. Khartoum? Probably too obscure. Secretariat? Certainly presumptive for a team that at the time sat two games over .500. George? Well, The Boss did own and breed racehorses for years, though were he still around he probably would’ve fined Kelley and called him a horse’s ass for wearing it.

“Seabiscuit,” Kelley said. “That’s what we’re calling him.”

The District Attorney Posted: August 26, 2014 at 09:39 AM | 25 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: shawn kelley, yankees

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   1. Mellow Mouse, Benevolent Space Tyrant Posted: August 26, 2014 at 09:58 AM (#4779192)
That is horrifying and funny.

And if a Centaur is a man's head on a horse body, what is a horse head on a man's body?
   2. simpleton & childlike gef the talking mongoose Posted: August 26, 2014 at 10:01 AM (#4779194)
what is a horse head on a man's body?


The anti-ARod?
   3. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: August 26, 2014 at 10:02 AM (#4779195)
"Technically, we're all half-Centaur."
-Nick Offerman
   4. Steve Balboni's Personal Trainer Posted: August 26, 2014 at 10:04 AM (#4779197)
Before I read the excerpt, I thought John Lackey had been traded to the Yankees.
   5. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: August 26, 2014 at 10:12 AM (#4779204)
what is a horse head on a man's body?


Something very disappointing to a mare?
   6. Best Regards, President of Comfort, Esq. Posted: August 26, 2014 at 10:18 AM (#4779211)
And if a Centaur is a man's head on a horse body, what is a horse head on a man's body?


BoJack Horseman?
   7. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: August 26, 2014 at 10:29 AM (#4779217)
The anti-ARod?


Do you think they get along, or is it the kind of situation where only one of them can exist at a time and they'll have to fight to the death pretty soon?
   8. kthejoker Posted: August 26, 2014 at 10:46 AM (#4779228)
   9. Boxkutter Posted: August 26, 2014 at 10:48 AM (#4779229)
Khartoum? Probably too obscure.


If that is too obscure of a reference, you're a bad person.
   10. Lassus Posted: August 26, 2014 at 10:50 AM (#4779232)
And if a Centaur is a man's head on a horse body, what is a horse head on a man's body?

Hayagriva
   11. The_Ex Posted: August 26, 2014 at 11:31 AM (#4779259)
So who is the horse's ass?
   12. TerpNats Posted: August 26, 2014 at 11:37 AM (#4779262)
At least this has no "Godfather" ties. (Was it purchased in Horseheads, N.Y.?)

Another name: Costanza, bringing back "Seinfeld" vibes.

So who is the horse's ass?
If we're going in that direction, the horse has to be named "Sterling."
   13. Best Regards, President of Comfort, Esq. Posted: August 26, 2014 at 11:59 AM (#4779285)
Prediction: the Yankees do not finish the season undefeated with the horse mask.
   14. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: August 26, 2014 at 12:03 PM (#4779288)
Prediction: the Yankees do not finish the season undefeated with the horse mask.


Says you. It also keeps tigers away.
   15. PepTech Posted: August 26, 2014 at 12:07 PM (#4779293)
I second the DA's choice. Inspired. How can you not go with a "fast, white, noble, strong, fiery, restive horse of Rohan"?
   16. Cargo Cultist Posted: August 26, 2014 at 12:17 PM (#4779300)
Hayagriva, an avatar of Vishnu, has a horse's head on a man's body, so the answer to your question is that it would be divine.
   17. Cargo Cultist Posted: August 26, 2014 at 12:21 PM (#4779304)
It also keeps tigers away.


But it doesn't work on elephants.
   18. puck Posted: August 26, 2014 at 12:28 PM (#4779309)
If you've never seen the original Amazon image gallery for the horse mask, you owe it to yourself.


Geez there's a lot of pictures. Did anyone take a pic in bed pulling back the covers to find a human head?

That mask must be hot to wear.
   19. Best Regards, President of Comfort, Esq. Posted: August 26, 2014 at 12:32 PM (#4779313)
But it doesn't work on elephants.


So they'll lose to the A's.
   20. You Know Nothing JT Snow (YR) Posted: August 26, 2014 at 12:47 PM (#4779328)
If you've never seen the original Amazon image gallery for the horse mask, you owe it to yourself.


How did this become a "thing" anyhow? I've seen all sorts of picture of people wearing these masks over the last year.
   21. TerpNats Posted: August 26, 2014 at 12:54 PM (#4779339)
How did this become a "thing" anyhow? I've seen all sorts of picture of people wearing these masks over the last year.
A revival of interest in "A Midsummer Night's Dream"?
   22. Pat Rapper's Delight (as quoted on MLB Network) Posted: August 26, 2014 at 01:32 PM (#4779378)
[4]: I laughed.
   23. BDC Posted: August 26, 2014 at 02:24 PM (#4779416)
That mask must be hot to wear

Maybe if you're a broodmare, but I don't find it remotely attractive.
   24. Bug Selig Posted: August 26, 2014 at 05:08 PM (#4779541)
“You can’t help but laugh at a guy in a horse head,” Yankees catcher Brian McCann said.


Surely this can't be the monster of the same name.
   25. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: August 26, 2014 at 05:28 PM (#4779553)
I trust, Mr. McCann, that you would find it equally amusing were an opposing player to don such a costume?

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