The hysteria around the alleged effects tobacco using players have on the children is dumb, but seeing UFC president Dana White's name in the ProSoccerTalk story box at the bottom of the page led me to this spot-on WSJ obituary for the US Mens Olympic Soccer Team.

When the U.S. team miraculously managed to put on a decent performance in the 2010 World Cup, stateside soccer aficionados said that the sport had finally turned a corner in its quest to be taken seriously in a nation obsessed with football and baseball and basketball. And golf. And Nascar. And bowling. And horse racing. And tennis. And lingerie football.

Now that the U.S. squad is out of the Olympics, there's hope that the sport will go away for good. Much like Kylie Minogue and Mister Bean and fascism, soccer is a European import that Americans do not need. Nobody ever scores, and the players are all cheats who ceaselessly roll around on the ground, whining and whimpering and feigning injuries. But mostly it's because nobody ever scores.

Given that you can't even get people in this country to follow hockey—soccer on ice—why would anyone think that soccer could take off here? Millions of American kids have played youth soccer over the past 30 years, and only three of them are any good. None of the three played in the showdown with El Salvador in Nashville, since they're all women.

edited

Kylie Minogue

i could be wrong, but isn't she australian?

i could be wrong, but isn't she australian?

Absolutely right. That's what my post above was originally about, but then I realised that the author was attempting humor, so I deleted it...

I like Mr. Bean and I don't care who knows it.

Damn. I guess I must grudgingly have slightly more than zero respect for the WSJ now.

Damn. I guess I must grudgingly have slightly more than zero respect for the WSJ now.

For THAT? It's not a compelling argument, it's Bill Simmons. There are plenty of good reasons why soccer might never catch on, none of them are there in that whine festival.

I love that soccer not catching on now involves a pro league with world-recognized names, 20,000 fans a game, six straight World Cups, and the general public kvetching over the US U-23s not qualifying for a tournament.

I didn't even know that the US didn't qualify for the 2004 Olympics and I'm a soccer fan. I just didn't care and casual sports fans didn't either. Now casual sports fans are wringing their hands over it and arguing over Caleb Porter and whether Freddy Adu will ever make it in the national team.

I hope it doesn't happen but if the predictions about soccer becoming America's most popular sport ever come true, I fully expect the soccer haters to shift the goalposts yet another time and say that soccer will never be as dominant as baseball was in the 1930s or something inane like that.

Now casual sports fans are wringing their hands over it and arguing over Caleb Porter and whether Freddy Adu will ever make it in the national team.

I'm not a soccer-hater, but to my knowledge no casual American sports fan has ever done this. Casual American sports fans don't know who Matt Kemp is, let alone Caleb Porter.

Kylie's a guaranteed hit-maker in the US at this point. You go to a club, you'll hear Kylie. And then you can't get her out of your head.

Now casual sports fans are wringing their hands over it...

Are they? This is literally the first I've heard about it.

Given that you can't even get people in this country to follow hockey—soccer on ice—why would anyone think that soccer could take off here?

This is my complaint. I haven't followed hockey for about 10 years, because I got tired of watching dump-and-chase offense and lack of scoring. From my earliest recollections until the lockout, the league leader would average around 150 pts and was never less than 130, which was the style of game I preferred. Since then, the league leader is more likely to have less than 100 points than he is to have 125.

In a 75 minute soccer game, you're lucky to see a dozen shots per side. Just not entertaining for me.

Given that you can't even get people in this country to follow hockey—soccer on ice—why would anyone think that soccer could take off here?

I think this gets at the situation quite well, in its blissfully clueless fashion.

Hockey is a fully successful second-tier sport in the US, which draws big crowds in its best markets, and can in some cities on some occasions become the leading sports story. Soccer is just about at that level, even though the quality of play in American soccer is significantly lower than the quality of play in the NHL.

Hockey is a fully successful second-tier sport in the US, which draws big crowds in its best markets, and can in some cities on some occasions become the leading sports story. Soccer is just about at that level, even though the quality of play in American soccer is significantly lower than the quality of play in the NHL.

I think the people who run MLS and US Soccer should be elated at this fact. Considering the advantage the NHL has in terms of being institutionalized in a lot of places I think the MLS and soccer have come a remarkably long way in the last two decades.

Kylie's a guaranteed hit-maker in the US at this point. You go to a club, you'll hear Kylie. And then you can't get her out of your head.

Thanks. Thanks a freakin' lot.

This is my complaint. I haven't followed hockey for about 10 years, because I got tired of watching dump-and-chase offense and lack of scoring. From my earliest recollections until the lockout, the league leader would average around 150 pts and was never less than 130, which was the style of game I preferred. Since then, the league leader is more likely to have less than 100 points than he is to have 125.

Hockey in the 90s was MUCH more defensive than it is now. Scoring is a challenge but the style of play has advanced greatly. Allowing the two line pass has really opened the ice up and so while teams can still trap and pressure defensively it is much easier to break it down and there is a lot more variety around the league with some decidedly wide open teams and some tight checking teams. After the lockout I had a hard time getting back into things but about 4 years ago finally returned and I found the game had improved greatly.

After the lockout I had a hard time getting back into things but about 4 years ago finally returned and I found the game had improved greatly.

Once Montreal returns to regular contentions I'll probably be drawn back.

This table is likely somewhat dated, but it currently lists MLS as the 11th most-attended soccer league in the world (ninth if you go by average attendance). Given that from a talent perspective, MLS is probably something like the 10th-to-15th best league in the world, I'd say MLS is doing okay for itself.

I'm amused by the article linked in the first post. The moment of soccer's demise in America is going to be a U-23 loss in a game broadcast on such powerhouses as CONCACAF.com and Universal HD? Really? Ah -- I see from the article that the author is a "humorist", so I'm wasting my time in providing a critique.