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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

A Child’s Plea to Stop Steroids in Baseball

Dan Szymborski Posted: January 19, 2010 at 04:41 PM | 29 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
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1. The Piehole of David Wells, Depends Salesman

Posted: January 19, 2010 at 04:51 PM (#3440992)

I don't get it. I don't usually like the drawings ("toast" was the best). But this one is downright confused in its message. What are you actually saying here?

2. The Essex Snead Posted: January 19, 2010 at 04:55 PM (#3440996)

He's saying Erin Andrews got boned. Or the shaft. No, wait, she was screwed. Ah, forget it.

3. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: January 19, 2010 at 05:01 PM (#3441004)

Bill Simmons did it funnier.

I assume this was parody, right?

Ever since Boston won the World Series 10 years ago, I always imagined pointing to that 2004 banner and telling my little boy, "That's the team that changed everything."

So that's what I do. I point at the banner and tell him, "That's the team that changed everything."

"Isn't that the team that cheated?" he asks.

My father and I glance at each other. A few beats pass.

"Well, technically, no," I stammer. "I mean ..."

"I thought they had a whole bunch of steroids guys on that team," he says.

"Well, there have been some accusations, and yeah, some of the power numbers were a little suspicious, but ..."

4. He's Bought a Bat Like Prince Fielder Posted: January 19, 2010 at 05:02 PM (#3441006)

Dan's referencing the Hamill article with its suspicious quotes displaying the outrage of little kids about steroids.

Davey trying to use the word "mountebank" and the rendition of Samsonov make this drawing work, IMO. Clearly, Davey's angered about steroids because of the information put into his head by his elders in an attempt to put their viewpoints into his head. However, he doesn't quite understand the implications of steroid use and it jumbles together with other things he heard.

5. David Nieporent (now, with children) Posted: January 19, 2010 at 06:45 PM (#3441131)

I thought they were supposed to make baby Jesus cry.

6. Walt Davis Posted: January 19, 2010 at 07:00 PM (#3441154)

While he could use a spell-checker, young Davy writes better and knows more big words and history than the typical sportswriter.

7. Gamingboy Posted: January 19, 2010 at 07:04 PM (#3441158)

When did Barry grow a third eye?

8. Misirlou's got a busy day, he's wearing a vest Posted: January 19, 2010 at 07:07 PM (#3441164)

When did Barry grow a third eye?

Little known side effect of the cream.

9. The cushions are crowded for Edmundo

Posted: January 19, 2010 at 07:08 PM (#3441165)

I thought they were supposed to make baby Jesus cry.

Duh, steroids are so bad that they make grown-up Jesus cry.

10. Greg (U)K Posted: January 19, 2010 at 07:23 PM (#3441186)

This post is ridiculous
Everyone knows the good guys won at Tannenberg!

EDIT: Unless you mean the 1410 affair...then yes, that was a bad day for humanity

11. Hack Wilson Posted: January 19, 2010 at 07:31 PM (#3441196)

Since Samsonov (probably) committed suicide after the battle, is Davy suggesting that Bonds and Mcgwire commit harry caray?

12. The Marksist Posted: January 19, 2010 at 07:37 PM (#3441204)

is Davy suggesting that Bonds and Mcgwire commit harry caray?

Hay Norm! If I was a hotdog, would you eat me?

13. Barnaby Jones Posted: January 19, 2010 at 09:44 PM (#3441367)

For some reason I read "Marvin Miller" as "Arthur Miller," and spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out the "Death of a Salesman" reference.

14. John (You Can Call Me Grandma) Murphy Posted: January 19, 2010 at 09:51 PM (#3441377)

Duh, steroids are so bad that they make grown-up Jesus cry.

They even would make "Iron Eyes" Cody cry more than he used to about littering during the '70s.

15. Forsch 10 From Navarone (Dayn)

Posted: January 19, 2010 at 10:08 PM (#3441399)

I'm offended that you've depicted Christ with a goatee.

16. NBarnes Posted: January 19, 2010 at 10:14 PM (#3441406)

Better a goatee than the mullet he's seen sporting in a lot of the Midwest.

17. John (You Can Call Me Grandma) Murphy Posted: January 19, 2010 at 10:19 PM (#3441412)

Looking at that picture of Marvin Miler, I'm surprised that "Davy" didn't include Billy and Mandy, too.

18. TomH Posted: January 19, 2010 at 10:26 PM (#3441419)

Chuck Norris makes steroids cry!

19. retro-shiite Posted: January 19, 2010 at 10:46 PM (#3441442)

The umlaut is a nice touch.

20. Los Angeles El Hombre of Anaheim

Posted: January 19, 2010 at 10:50 PM (#3441446)

Chuck Norris doesn't take steroids, steroids take Chuck Norris.

21. The Keith Law Blog Blah Blah (battlekow) Posted: January 20, 2010 at 02:20 AM (#3441715)

The umlaut is a nice touch.

It's actually a dieresis.

22. Gamingboy Posted: January 20, 2010 at 05:33 AM (#3441813)

And having Pochahontas red is totally racist! What a racist young child!

23. Sammy's Corked Whine Posted: January 20, 2010 at 01:46 PM (#3441927)

Still going to the smart alec little kid drawing well, eh?

I thought statisticians understood the law of diminishing returns.

24. frannyzoo Posted: January 20, 2010 at 02:26 PM (#3441963)

As one of the anti-steroid zealots parodied here, I think it's funny. But I'm always a sucker for this kind of stuff. Marvin Miller is not Death, however, at least to this anti-steroid zealot.

I'm all for players making up to 4x the average U.S. worker's salary, with owner's profits recycled into community projects and international assistance in situations such as Haiti. Miller is on the way to an internationalist socialism, he just stopped at the "take money from owners and give to players" point.

25. Bob Meta-Meusel Posted: January 28, 2010 at 02:57 PM (#3448535)

For some reason I read "Marvin Miller" as "Arthur Miller," and spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out the "Death of a Salesman" reference.

It would have been easier if you'd gone looking for "The Crucible" instead.

26. Biff isn't really an apt handle anymore Posted: January 28, 2010 at 03:03 PM (#3448538)

It would have been easier if you'd gone looking for "The Crucible" instead.

I somehow doubt that Barry Bonds weighs the same as a duck, though.

27. Mike Green Posted: January 28, 2010 at 03:38 PM (#3448556)

Baseball has been berry, berry good to me.

28. jwb Posted: January 31, 2010 at 10:11 AM (#3451043)

For some reason I read "Marvin Miller" as "Arthur Miller," and spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out the "Death of a Salesman" reference.

If Biff had met Diana Bol, maybe he wouldn't have been an ex-jock loser.

29. Shock Posted: January 31, 2010 at 10:40 AM (#3451052)

While he could use a spell-checker, young Davy writes better and knows more big words and history than the typical sportswriter.

The nicest touch was him spelling Aleksandr correctly.

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A Child’s Plea to Stop Steroids in Baseball

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