Cubs - Sentenced their Fans to 24 months of The Neifinator.
Chicago Cubs - For some baffling reason, signed SS Neifi Perez to a 2-year contract for no particular reason.
Mr. Oracle, say it’s not true!
It is. In my role as the chief transactional faith healer, I’ve tried preparing Cubs fans emotionally for this day. As baseball writers don’t get to prescribe anti-depressants, I can only provide palliative benefits to your fragile emotions.
But, it can’t be all bad!
Sure it can.
But, Neifi only got into the lineup because of Nomar’s injury! With Rafael Furcal totally coming onto the team, Neifi will just be a backup!
When I was 4, I also thought people on the television could see me.
But surely, after his 2005 season, Dusty will have to give Ronny Cedeno a chance to get as much playing time as possible
Dusty doesn’t have to do a ####### thing.
What about team management? Surely, if they kept him on, there had to have been some limitations set on Dusty?
The Cubs have never cared about his lack of competence before - why would they start now?
Will Ronny Cedeno get playing time at 2nd?
Sure - he’ll get 2 starts against lefties, go 0-for-3 and enjoy his summer in Iowa.
There has to be something I can do, right?
Well, short of lobbying your senator to have all legal immigrants expelled from the country or to have Dusty’s toothpick declared a weapon of mass destruction, there’s not much you can do.
Well, can you make me feel better?
Sure. There are 29 other sets of clothing to root for. If I went to Wendy’s and got a dead rat in my spicy chicken sandwich, I wouldn’t go to Wendy’s anymore. Just because Jim Hendry wants you take a bit of his big #### sandwich doesn’t mean you have to chomp down and enjoy the defecatory goodness.
Thanks, Dan Szumybowhatever, I appreciated it.
That’ll be $65.
2006 ZiPS Projection - The Neifinator
AB R H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO SB BA OBP SLG
462 46 125 25 1 6 47 19 43 5 .259 .288 .353
Posted: November 08, 2005 at 06:21 PM | 84 comment(s)
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