Monday, November 12, 2018

I voted for Topher Grace.

Dan. is. back.

I still can't believe President Schilling was able to survive the smear attack by the Gary Thorne funded Sports Broadcast Veterans for Truth.

I'm not quite sure why Dan is so down on this signing. 3 years $45 million is not much over the league minimum, and its much less than the Giants paid for 1B Julio Franco last year.

Julio Franco - Baseball's First Centegenarian!

I was pushing for the Gints to sign the reanimated robot head of Willie McCovey, but the Greater Metropolis of Northern Virginia-Maryland National Orange Coloured Birds just wanted it more.

THIS is finally going to be the year Rich Harden remains healthy, I tell you...

That is sheer, pure gold, Szym.

I was actually surprised that Senator Leiter sruvived the assasination attempt.

Well, not that surprised, Jack Bauer was sent to protect the Senator.

Monday, November 12, 2018

Huh, they're going to let teams sign free agents the day before the World Series starts?

(MESA)AP--True to his word, Mark Prior arrived early to camp, vowing this would be the year he stayed healthy and fulfilled the promise that made his the number one overall draft choice just 17 years ago. Cubs GM Larry Bowa was among the first to welcome him, eager to put last season's ugly Bushmill's incident behind them.

"With the week break in the middle of the World Series for the mandatory monthly American Idols finals - then Rupert Murdoch Week, I just felt I needed the extra time to get my transplanted ape arm into shape," Prior said. Even the fact that Prior arrived sporting an orange cast over his pitching appendage - that Cubs management assured fans was merely a fashion statement, not any indication that Prior might be less than healthy - couldn't spoil the jovial mood.

Last year's mult-billion dollar free agent bust Tom Gorzelanny is already slated to start Christmas opening night opposite the NFL's second week of the Superbowl pregame show and the NBA's Septupli-finals - opposing the NY Met's 7 time Cy Young Award winner, Carlos Zambrano. Prodigal son Greg Maddux, returing to Chicago at age 54, possibly to wrap up his career, will go in game two. Veteran 200 game winner Jon Garland will take the third slot, but beyond that, the rotation is derby between Prior, NRI Dontrelle Willis, knuckleballer Neifi Perez, retread Mike Hampton, and various minor leaguers.

While most of the camp's fireworks have come from the ongoing war of words between Bowa and the Cubs ownership concern, Disney Amalgamated Tobacco Products - there have been the occasional ligther moments.

On the first day of camp, Cubs security personnel removed an uninvited Ricky Henderson, bunk and all, from the team barracks. Awaking in the midst of drills, Henderson sprinted barefoot past the bulk of the Cubs roster running a 40 yd. dash winning himself a spring invite. Henderson, an eventual Cheetos Hall of Famer\tm/, was philosphical, saying "Ricky can still play. Ricky isn't sure who he's playing for, but Ricky knows he can contribute." Henderson then spotted some children playing on his lawn and left to chase them off, theatening to get Ricky's self a switch.

I did not think it was possible to have Sabes, Tweedy, and Gangsta Rap all in the same post.

Primey.

I was actually surprised that Senator Leiter sruvived the assasination attempt.

If it wasn't for a crosswind I'd have had him!

November 12, 2018 (AP)--The New York Yankees announced today they had signed 56-year-old Roger Clemens in their annual attempt to jump-start their already-completed season. Clemens’ new contract contains an unusual clause: he will not be required to show up at games at all.

Instead, a virtual holograph of the now 400-pound pitcher will be displayed on the mound, backed up by a pitching machine. The technology was originally invented in the early 21st century at the famed ESPN Zone restaurants, using film clips of famous hurlers, including the recently-unretired Sandy Koufax.

“The Yankees offered to allow me to go the film-clip route, but I declined,” said Clemens. “I thought the holograph concept would allow me to be more a part of the team.”

Yankee general manager Mike Piazza said that while Clemens will not physically attend games, he will lend the team his veteran presence through occasional motivational videotapes presented by his two-year old great-granddaughter Koma, the team’s new strength coach and pharmacist. Clemens will also attend autograph signings at ESPN Zones located at rest stops along the New York State Thruway.

Yankee owner George Steinbrenner, who died a decade ago, could not be reached for comment, but team spokesperson Howard Rubenstein issued a statement in his name. “Roger Clemens is a great Yankee,” Rubenstein quoted Steinbrenner as saying, “whoever he is.”

You guys do know Jeff Tweedy and Madvillain are collaborating on a project right now, right?



















(Cmon, for a split second, you bit.)

Fat, stinking, Belgian bastards!!

Don't blame me, I'll be voting for the other guy. Or gal. Or hologram. Or whatever.

ABS in 2016!!

(I know, weeks late, but TO has been so far below the radar I thought Dan had been banned. :-)