Sneak Peek: ESPN Defensive Ratings
Many people have commented with glee about ESPN’s latest masterpiece, ESPN Player Ratings. These ratings take everything that’s important about a player and boils it down into a number than can be used to evaluate that the player’s worth to a team, the most important thing in baseball.
Using my Top Secret Insider Connections, I broke into ESPN’s headquarters and procured the secret upcoming formula from the two-key secure mainframe inside Bristol’s reactor core. Enjoy! But if you don’t hear from me again, it means that E-men got to me.
UPDATE: I’m in even hotter water as I have obtained the exclusive spreadsheet and am posting it here. I’m in hiding right now, but I feel the walls closing around me. Please, tell people. Tell people.
ESPN’s Defensive Ratings
by Andronicus W. Einsteinium
Everybody’s talking about the ESPN Player Ratings© recently unveiled by ESPN.com© in conjunction with ESPN©, The Worldwide Leader in Sports©. Now, I am happy to bring you the© companion creation, ESPN Defensive Ratings©!
Like ESPN Ratings©, ESPN Defensive Ratings© rank players according to everything that’s important. In this case, the aspects of defense that cause teams to win championships. As an example, here are the 2007 MLB Shortstops, ranked by ESPN Defensive Rating©. Enjoy! Players get 30 points for being the best in a category and 1 point for being the worst. Categories are weighted by importance and then, multiplied by some number to look like a 1-100 scale even though it really isn’t.
FPCT - Fielding Percentage (19%) - By far the most important measure of fielding, fielding percentage has proven itself for more than a century as the gold standard by which excellence is judged. Until now.
+/- 35 - How many years from Age 35 (16%) - Stats cannot measure a player’s leadership, which comes from experience. But this is the next best thing.
Ht>60 - Height over 60 inches (10%) - It’s well known that taller players have more trouble playing defense because their gangly limbs can get in the way, unlike short, compact sparkplugs. This is only weighted 12% because it would be unfair to be too hard on elite defenders like Derek Jeter who overcome their height.
Skin - Skin tone (1-10) (14%) - Everybody knows that white players have to work harder because they don’t have as much natural talent. Hard work should always be honored.
Elc. V - Electoral Votes of Home State (7%) - When you think of defensive prowess, what do you think of? California and Florida boys who work in the sun, good ol’ Texas lads who farm during the day and play baseball at night, and scrappy New Yorkers, full of piss and vinegar. All those states have a lot of electoral votes. Nuff said.
Clutch - Clutch Ability (15%) - Do I have to say more?
Team WSWWII - Team World Series since WWII (9%) - Stat nerds were very disappointed that we included quality of team in our ESPN Player Ratings©. I’m guessing that they don’t think the sample size is large enough, so, after consulting with a team of molecular biologists, I decided to go back more than half a century to 1945! Take that small-sample whiners!
Jump - Random Jumping (10%) - Sometimes, you just need to leave your feet to make a throw in order to inspire your teammates to greatness.
Posted: June 12, 2007 at 05:28 PM | 48 comment(s)
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