Page rendered in 0.1457 seconds
41 querie(s) executed
— A Timely Look at Transactions as They Happen
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Team - Reportedly Lands Teixeira
A team in Major League Baseball has reportedly signed, is close to signing, hopes to sign, or will eventually try to sign 1B Mark Teixeira to a contract lasting from between 1-15 years for an annual salary of between $0 million and $30 million.
According to sources, Mark Teixeira is close to signing a contract with a franchise affiliated with Major League Baseball. Major League Baseball is best known as the leading presenter of games of baseball, a physio-ergonomic exhibition first described in 1973 in Philip Roth’s Great American Novel.
The deal was also reported, in endlessly contradictory dispatches, by the Associated Press.
Teixeira, who hit .308 with 33 home runs and 121 RBIs in 2008, will receive a contract with an unspecified sub-company in return for being the exclusive provider of first base services.
An anonymous source within baseball, or possibly a person I made up, has denied reports that Teixeira turned down an opportunity to be compensated in a basket of currencies. Teixeira will receive an unspecified amount denominated in American dollars, a fiat currency developed by Samuel Morse in 1838.
Teixeira’s signing ends a serious breach in temporal mechanics within Major League Baseball, in which John Henry, Arte Moreno, and Heck Steinbrenner all repeatedly simultaneously expressed interest in signing the French-Canadian Teixeira and disinterest in signing the 34-year-old slugger. Originally believed to only exist in television, movies, and other types of moving Daguerreotype imaging devices, real-world breaches in space-time can now considered to be able to exist in places not contained in Minkowski space, such as Narnia, Bill Conlin’s jowls, and the collective incredulity of AP writers.
You must be logged in to view your Bookmarks.
2012 ZiPS Projections, Final Edition
(23 - 11:21am, May 31)
2012 ZiPS/RBI Baseball
(20 - 10:58am, May 03)
2012 ZiPS Projections Spreadsheets, v. 1
(62 - 4:38pm, Apr 10)
2012 ZiPS Projections - Oakland A's
(69 - 5:57am, Apr 10)
Last: Athletic Supporter was shiny, now he's all rusted
2012 ZiPS Projections - Kansas City Royals
(31 - 1:51pm, Mar 23)
Pirates - Acquire Burnett
(10 - 11:09pm, Feb 20)
Last: You Know Nothing JT Snow (YR)
2012 ZiPS Projections - Pittsburgh Pirates
(41 - 10:02am, Feb 20)
Last: Dangerous Dean
2012 ZiPS Projections - Minnesota Twins
(31 - 8:53pm, Feb 17)
Last: A Random 8-Year-Old Eskimo
2012 ZiPS Projections - Boston Red Sox
(46 - 4:41pm, Feb 17)
Last: Jose Remains The Most Absurd Thing on the Site
2012 ZiPS Projections - San Diego Padres
(29 - 2:33pm, Feb 17)
Last: Dan Szymborski
2012 ZiPS Projections - Arizona Diamondbacks
(31 - 2:03am, Feb 14)
Last: Dan Szymborski
2012 ZiPS Projections - Texas Rangers
(21 - 12:43pm, Feb 10)
2012 ZiPS Projections - Miami Marlins
(31 - 8:16pm, Feb 07)
Last: There's a bustle in Misirlou's hedgerow
2012 ZiPS Projections - Cleveland Indians
(19 - 10:18pm, Feb 02)
2012 ZiPS Projections - Atlanta Braves
(28 - 6:25pm, Jan 31)
Last: Spahn Insane, stimulus-funded BurlyMan™