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— A Timely Look at Transactions as They Happen
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Team - Reportedly Lands Teixeira
A team in Major League Baseball has reportedly signed, is close to signing, hopes to sign, or will eventually try to sign 1B Mark Teixeira to a contract lasting from between 1-15 years for an annual salary of between $0 million and $30 million.
According to sources, Mark Teixeira is close to signing a contract with a franchise affiliated with Major League Baseball. Major League Baseball is best known as the leading presenter of games of baseball, a physio-ergonomic exhibition first described in 1973 in Philip Roth’s Great American Novel.
The deal was also reported, in endlessly contradictory dispatches, by the Associated Press.
Teixeira, who hit .308 with 33 home runs and 121 RBIs in 2008, will receive a contract with an unspecified sub-company in return for being the exclusive provider of first base services.
An anonymous source within baseball, or possibly a person I made up, has denied reports that Teixeira turned down an opportunity to be compensated in a basket of currencies. Teixeira will receive an unspecified amount denominated in American dollars, a fiat currency developed by Samuel Morse in 1838.
Teixeira’s signing ends a serious breach in temporal mechanics within Major League Baseball, in which John Henry, Arte Moreno, and Heck Steinbrenner all repeatedly simultaneously expressed interest in signing the French-Canadian Teixeira and disinterest in signing the 34-year-old slugger. Originally believed to only exist in television, movies, and other types of moving Daguerreotype imaging devices, real-world breaches in space-time can now considered to be able to exist in places not contained in Minkowski space, such as Narnia, Bill Conlin’s jowls, and the collective incredulity of AP writers.
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