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Wednesday, October 12, 2005

AP: Garciaparra Rescues Two Women in Boston

Not past a diving Garciaparra?

Former Red Sox shortstop Nomar Garciaparra rescued two women who had fallen into Boston Harbor late last week, his uncle and a witness told the Boston Herald.

Garciaparra, traded to the Chicago Cubs on July 31, 2004, was with his uncle in his Charlestown condominium at about 10 p.m. Friday when they heard a scream and a splash, said the uncle, Victor Garciaparra.

As soon as the All-Star shortstop and two-time American League batting champ ran out the door to help the woman, her friend also fell in, hitting her head on the pier, said Victor Garciaparra, who oversees his nephew’s business and charitable ventures.

Thanks to ess eff

Repoz Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:42 AM | 661 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: red sox

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   1. Urban Faber Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:02 AM (#1678597)
That should help his UZR.
   2. 6 - 4 - 3 Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:06 AM (#1678599)
Give me a (forgetting) break. Jeter would have saved them before they fell in, diving headfirst into the pier to make the heroic catch.

Notice that Repoz had to link to the SF Chronicle. That's because the Boston Herald's headline was "Nomar Found Holding a Nearly Drowned Woman." For first five paragraphs, the Herald just compares Garciaparra to OJ Simpson, followed by a section attempting to explain Garciaparra's elusive Mexican herritage as well as a recap on his final months as a Red Sox. Only on page B-12 does it acknowledge that he saved the women.
   3. IronChef Chris Wok Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:14 AM (#1678602)
HAHAHAHAHAHA
   4. Los Angeles Waterloo of Black Hawk Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:15 AM (#1678603)
Pshaw. The Jeter would have walked on the water to save them.
   5. Internet Commenter Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:23 AM (#1678607)
Jeter would've miracled their asses back on the pier and gotten rid of their accents.
   6. DCW3 Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:37 AM (#1678613)
Drowning Woman: Glub! Glub! Help! Someone help us!

Nomar: Don't worry, ma'am; I'll save you.

Woman: Hey, it's Nomah Gahciapahra! But--didn't the Cubs move you to third base?

Nomar: Well, yes, but I don't see what--

Woman: Well, my friend Julie's in the watah too, and I don't know if I can trust someone to save us who can't covah ground to his right. Nothing personal. Besides, you might rupshuh a groin muscle oh something, and then we'd all be in a fix. Glub. Sahrry, but I think we'll be bettah off taking ouh chances with the watah.

Nomar: Ma'am, this is no time for this--

Woman: Oh, wait, isn't that Ohlando Cabrera ovah there? He'll save us!

Nomar: No, that's--that's just some black guy...

Woman: MISTAH CABRERA! *drowns*
   7. DCW3 Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:49 AM (#1678615)
Hmm, not really my best work, but I had to take a crack at it.
   8. We don't have dahlians at the Palace of Wisdom Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:52 AM (#1678616)
It begs the question: What's next in the woefully underreported Nomar Garciaparra - Drew Rosenhaus one-upsmanship feud?
   9. FJ Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:54 AM (#1678617)
Give me a (forgetting) break. Jeter would have saved them before they fell in, diving headfirst into the pier to make the heroic catch.

As long as they weren't to his left... Then they would have slipped on past.

F
   10. Hombre Brotani Posted: October 12, 2005 at 08:36 AM (#1678624)
If Jeter dives into the water, the two women would skip past, just out of his reach.
   11. JMM Posted: October 12, 2005 at 09:13 AM (#1678626)
Miguel Tejada would have given them B-12 injections, letting them rescue themselves.
   12. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: October 12, 2005 at 09:13 AM (#1678627)
"We wish Nomar all the best, as he enters the twilight of his woman-saving career."
   13. Enrico Palazzo Posted: October 12, 2005 at 09:24 AM (#1678629)
Nomar would have gotten to the women sooner, but he paused on the pier to adjust his gloves, tap his feet, cross himself, and tap his feet again before diving in.
   14. Eugene Freedman Posted: October 12, 2005 at 11:09 AM (#1678633)
Maybe I'm older than many of you, but I immediately thought of Joe Delaney who died in an attempt to save three children drowning in a pond. One survived.
   15. BDC Posted: October 12, 2005 at 11:42 AM (#1678638)
Jose Canseco would have pulled their washing machines out of the water, too.
   16. Шĥy Posted: October 12, 2005 at 11:51 AM (#1678639)
Derek Lowe would have gotten their numbers first.
   17. and Posted: October 12, 2005 at 11:59 AM (#1678640)
Good for Nomar.

For everyone debating pressure situations - this was one. Nomar was clutch, whatever he may hit close and late (I have no idea, actually).
   18. DCA Posted: October 12, 2005 at 12:04 PM (#1678642)
Just think, if Theo hadn't traded Nomar, he'd have playing over the weekend, and the women would have died. What foresight!
   19. WalkOffIBB Posted: October 12, 2005 at 12:07 PM (#1678643)
Maybe I'm older than many of you, but I immediately thought of Joe Delaney who died in an attempt to save three children drowning in a pond. One survived.

I thought of him to. IIRC, Delanay either could not swim or was a poor swimmer. My high school football coach greatly admired him, and often brought up Delany as an example of selflessness.
   20. Scoriano Flitcraft Posted: October 12, 2005 at 12:09 PM (#1678645)
Maybe I'm older than many of you, but I immediately thought of Joe Delaney who died in an attempt to save three children drowning in a pond. One survived.

Tom Mees, of ESPN, died trying to rescue kids, I think, his own.

Pools scare me.
   21. and Posted: October 12, 2005 at 12:11 PM (#1678646)
Tom Mees, of ESPN, died trying to rescue kids, I think, his own.

I didn't know that was the story. I only knew he drowned.
   22. greenback needs a ride, not ammo Posted: October 12, 2005 at 12:18 PM (#1678647)
If Jeter dives into the water, the two women would skip past, just out of his reach.

Edgar Renteria would've reached the two women, but would've thrown one of them into traffic.

If David Eckstein had been there, then Scott Rolen would've rescued them.
   23. Tanto Posted: October 12, 2005 at 12:44 PM (#1678656)
This could be like a running gag. "If your starting shortstop was there, he would've..."
   24. Mister High Standards Posted: October 12, 2005 at 12:44 PM (#1678657)
Hell of a job Nomar. Good man.
   25. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 12:44 PM (#1678658)
This wouldn't happen if baseball had bathing caps.

Best Regards

Bud Selig
   26. Rob Base Posted: October 12, 2005 at 01:09 PM (#1678672)
If Julio Lugo had been there, he would have saved and then beaten these two.
   27. Fred Garvin is dead to Mug Posted: October 12, 2005 at 01:17 PM (#1678680)
Neifi would've gotten to the first woman and dragged her toward land. The media would show up, pronounce him "St. Neifi," and have him pose for photos. He'll be given a lifetime appointment as chairman of the American Lifeguard Association.

Meanwhile, Neifi wouldn't notice that the woman he "saved" was in a horrible coughing fit, with water in her lungs, and needed mouth-to-mouth. She would pass away, and while everyone in the media would regret this, they would also say "Neifi did every thing he could."

No one would notice that there was a second woman in the water who drowned.
   28. Spicol Posted: October 12, 2005 at 01:22 PM (#1678690)
If Russ Adams had been there, he'd show a lot of potential.
   29. John Reynard Posted: October 12, 2005 at 01:32 PM (#1678698)
If Cristian Guzman had been there he would have jumped in to save the women and landed in some guys boat because he couldn't manage to even hit the water.
   30. Vida Blew Over the Legal Limit Posted: October 12, 2005 at 01:36 PM (#1678703)
If Rich Aurillia had been there, he would've complained that the women were eating into his playing time.
   31. Arch Stanton Posted: October 12, 2005 at 01:40 PM (#1678709)
If Ronny Cedeno had been there, he might not have done any better than Neifi but WE DON'T KNOW THAT YET, DO WE, DUSTY!
   32. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: October 12, 2005 at 01:43 PM (#1678711)
If Jimmy Rollins had been there, he would have pulled each woman a few inches out of the water each day for 37 days, and just as he was going to finally save them David Bell would do a cannonball into the Harbor, drowning both Rollins and the women.
   33. IronChef Chris Wok Posted: October 12, 2005 at 01:44 PM (#1678712)
I'm surprised there hasn't been a "If [insert shortstop] had been there, the two women would have gone between his legs" joke
   34. Vida Blew Over the Legal Limit Posted: October 12, 2005 at 01:52 PM (#1678716)
If Furcal had been there, he would've been throwing beercans entirely too hard at their heads just to show off, while Andruw Jones tried to stuff dollar bills into their panties.
   35. jmac_66 Posted: October 12, 2005 at 01:55 PM (#1678723)
Kubek would have been hit in the throat by the women

you know, NOWHERE in the article is there any explanation about how the wimmin ended up in the drink in the first place
   36. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: October 12, 2005 at 01:57 PM (#1678726)
I'm surprised there hasn't been a "If [insert shortstop] had been there, the two women would have gone between his legs" joke

That's because ordinarily that shortstop would be Garciaparra.
   37. and Posted: October 12, 2005 at 01:57 PM (#1678727)
you know, NOWHERE in the article is there any explanation about how the wimmin ended up in the drink in the first place

Well, one of the women knew that Nomar was staying nearby. She told her friend she was going to scream and jump in and see if he'd come rescue her. She did this. When the second woman saw Nomar appear in the doorway she realized it was working, so she jumped in.

They both now have Nomar's number.
   38. Vida Blew Over the Legal Limit Posted: October 12, 2005 at 01:59 PM (#1678729)
A-Rod would of moved over and let a less talented player save them.
   39. Joe Adcock Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:00 PM (#1678730)
Mike Piazza was ready to jump in until he found out both of them were female.
Manny was ready to jump in but Admiral Ackbar warned him it was a trap.
   40. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:01 PM (#1678731)
you know, NOWHERE in the article is there any explanation about how the wimmin ended up in the drink in the first place

Detectives believe alcohol was involved.

If Jose Reyes had been there, he would have attempted to save them by flailing his limbs wildly for several hours, but somehow he would do it perfectly anyway.
   41. Alex Vila Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:04 PM (#1678734)
I am sure Nomar gave them a couple of souvenir balls.
   42. The George Sherrill Selection Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:05 PM (#1678735)
Al Martin would have married both of them.
   43. Vida Blew Over the Legal Limit Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:09 PM (#1678741)
If Khalil Greene had been there, reports from Boston would have said that the attacks were racially motivated, and then forced to print a retraction when they saw his pasty arse.
   44. IronChef Chris Wok Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:13 PM (#1678747)
If Khalil Greene had been there, reports from Boston would have said that the attacks were racially motivated, and then forced to print a retraction when they saw his pasty arse.

I didn't know "Greene" was a particularly minority-heavy last name.
   45. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:14 PM (#1678750)
If Derek Jeter were there he would've saved one and A-Rod would knock her and Jeter back into the water.

Best Regards

John
   46. jmac_66 Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:14 PM (#1678751)
you know, NOWHERE in the article is there any explanation about how the wimmin ended up in the drink in the first place

Detectives believe alcohol was involved.

you were sittin' dead red on that one
   47. jmac_66 Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:18 PM (#1678756)
If Russ Adams had been there, he'd show a lot of potential.


If Derek Jeter were there he would've saved one and A-Rod would knock her and Jeter back into the water.

I like these 2 the best so far
   48. Chinook Arch Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:21 PM (#1678762)
If Mia Hamm was there....there'd be hell to pay, Nomar clad only in boxers, cavorting in the water with two intoxicated Annies.
   49. Alex Vila Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:25 PM (#1678766)
If Matt Murton had been there he would have walked on water, levitated the two women out and gently posited them on dry land, performed CPR, saving them both, and would still have been sent back down to make room for Todd Hollandsworth.
   50. jmac_66 Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:25 PM (#1678767)
if Rafael Palmiero were there, he'd wag his finger and deny that he'd ever been there
   51. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:28 PM (#1678773)
If Robero Alomar were there they would get even wetter.

Best Regards

John
   52. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:29 PM (#1678775)
If A-Rod were there he'd try to get to them but slap around in the water until they drowned and later say he dog-paddled.

Best Regards

John
   53. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:31 PM (#1678778)
If Curt Schilling were there he'd call a press conference to announce that he was going to rescue the women.

Best Regards

John
   54. Vida Blew Over the Legal Limit Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:32 PM (#1678779)
If Jack Wilson had been there everyone would have forgotten immediately.
   55. Joshemy Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:34 PM (#1678786)
If Jose Reyes were there, he would have tried to get to them by walking and would have drowned.
   56. jmac_66 Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:34 PM (#1678788)
if Bill James were there, he would explain that Jack Perconte COULD have saved the women, but he was trapped in the minors
   57. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:34 PM (#1678790)
If Bud Selig were there he'd stand on shore and insist that time was needed to see if the women's swimming lessons were truly working.

Best Regards

John
   58. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:36 PM (#1678794)
If Jeffrey Loria were there he'd insist that a lifeguard employed by the city save the women or he'd drown himself.

Best Regards

John
   59. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:38 PM (#1678804)
If Don Fehr were there he'd remind the women that if Garciaparra drowned during the rescue attempt that it would affect his ability to collect his salary and anything that effects salaries had to be collectively bargained for so they'd have to tread water until the end of 2006.

Best Regards

John
   60. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:43 PM (#1678808)
If Joe Sheehan he'd tell them they were selfish, petty, aquatically-illterate bitches.

Best Regards

John
   61. Vida Blew Over the Legal Limit Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:44 PM (#1678811)
if Bill James were there, he would explain that Jack Perconte COULD have saved the women, but he was trapped in the minors
As an aside here, I grew up close to Jack Perconte's batting cages outside of Chicago, "The Hiiiing Factory" I think it was. We had our winter leagues there. They had the nets set up to give you points based on where you hit the ball and you played nine inninngs building up runs. Jack would be there often. He was a very nice guy to us kiddies (12-15 yr olds), but my dad had to inform me of who the hell he was back then.
   62. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:44 PM (#1678812)
If Rick Ankiel were there he'd end up rescuing a beluga whale in the Bering Strait.

Best Regards

John
   63. Orin Incandenza Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:47 PM (#1678816)
Where was Rick Burleson?
   64. Chinook Arch Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:49 PM (#1678819)
If Billy Beane had been there, he would've blamed Ken Macha for not being there and jumping in the water first.
   65. Cowboy Popup Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:49 PM (#1678820)
Rick Burleson would have saved them even if he wasn't there.
   66. Vida Blew Over the Legal Limit Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:49 PM (#1678821)
If Sammy Sosa were there he would act like he doesn't speak English and let his interpreter save them.
   67. Captain Joe Bivens, Pointless and Wonderful Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:57 PM (#1678831)
If Carl Panzram were there, he would have killed them both before they drowned.
   68. and Posted: October 12, 2005 at 02:58 PM (#1678834)
If Rick Ankiel were there he'd end up rescuing a beluga whale in the Bering Strait.

Easily the best one so far. Well done.
   69. Never Give an Inge (Dave) Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:02 PM (#1678842)
Didn't A-Rod save a kid from being hut by a truck this season?

Good for both of them.
   70. John Lowenstein Apathy Club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:03 PM (#1678845)
Yes, but how does saving these women affect Frank Tanana?
   71. John (You Can Call Me Grandma) Murphy Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:05 PM (#1678852)
Give me a (forgetting) break. Jeter would have saved them before they fell in, diving headfirst into the pier to make the heroic catch.

...while picking his nose and eating his boogers with his free hand, no less!

Maybe I'm older than many of you, but I immediately thought of Joe Delaney who died in an attempt to save three children drowning in a pond. One survived.

I thought of a few people who died before I was born, Eugene: George Davis, Mike Grady, and Kid Gleason saving some people caught in an apartment building fire at the turn-of-the-last century; Dode Paskert saving some people (David C. Jones mentioned this at one time); and a teenage Jesse Burkett attempting to save a girl who was drowning, but was too late.
   72. Bob Dobalina Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:06 PM (#1678856)
Please explain the Ankiel joke.

KTHXBYE.
   73. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:09 PM (#1678862)
I think we should remember that while Nomar is off saving loose women from drowning, Trot Nixon is taking his kids to school.
   74. John (You Can Call Me Grandma) Murphy Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:10 PM (#1678865)
If Mark McGwire had been there, he would have saved them as long as they didn't mention anything that happened prior to the event, because he wasn't there to talk about the past.
   75. jmac_66 Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:10 PM (#1678866)
Please explain the Ankiel joke.

"JUSSTT a bit outside"
   76. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:11 PM (#1678870)
If Carl Everett were there he'd let the women know that there were no Ichthysaurus in the water and there never was.

Best Regards

John
   77. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:12 PM (#1678872)
If Chad Curtis were there he'd assure them that Jesus would save them if they had faith.

Best Regards

John
   78. Bob Dobalina Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:12 PM (#1678874)
Ah. Heh.

Sad, but funny.
   79. Kirby Kyle Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:13 PM (#1678875)
Ozzie Guillen would have sacrificed one, left the other stranded, and been hailed for his use of the productive death.
   80. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:14 PM (#1678877)
If Noah Lowry were there he'd tell them that they should've gotten into the ark when they had the chance.

If Wally Moses were they he would've parted the water and let the women walk to shore on dry land.

Best Regards

John
   81. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:15 PM (#1678882)
79 takes the lead....hilarious. RDF, MBS.

Best Regards

John
   82. Vida Blew Over the Legal Limit Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:15 PM (#1678885)
If Wad Boggs had been there he wouldn't have saved them because the weren't in a group of three.
   83. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:17 PM (#1678888)
If Sammy Sosa were there Jay Mariotti would take the cork out of his life jacket to prove to the women that Sosa couldn't swim.

Best Regards

John
   84. Eli Hungerford: Cityboy Crypto-Elitist for hire Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:17 PM (#1678889)
If Jim Edmonds were there, he would have made saving them look more difficult than it really was.
   85. Vida Blew Over the Legal Limit Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:20 PM (#1678898)
If Jim Edmonds had been there, it would have been an easy play, but he would have dove anyway.
   86. John Lowenstein Apathy Club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:20 PM (#1678899)
If Jose Canseco were there, one of them would bounce off his head onto the shore.
   87. CFBF is Obsessed with Art Deco Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:20 PM (#1678900)
If Bobby Cox was there, he would have inspired the women to pull themselves out of the water, only to see them slip on the beach and hit their heads on rocks as they celebrated their survival.
   88. and Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:20 PM (#1678902)
If David Wells had been there, there would be no more water in Boston Harbor.
   89. Vida Blew Over the Legal Limit Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:21 PM (#1678903)
Damn, at the same time I guess.
   90. John Lowenstein Apathy Club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:21 PM (#1678906)
If Lonnie Smith were there, he'd run one way, then run the other way, then he'd fall in the water and they'd bounce off his hands.
   91. scotto Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:21 PM (#1678907)
If Steve Garvey where there at least one of the women would have emerged from the water impregnated.
   92. John Lowenstein Apathy Club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:22 PM (#1678909)
If an umpire were there, the rescue would have been called off due to the wet conditions.
   93. jmac_66 Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:22 PM (#1678910)
If Jose Canseco were there, one of them would bounce off his head onto the shore.

####### you!!

there's coffee all over my keyboard
   94. John Lowenstein Apathy Club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:23 PM (#1678912)
...and rescheduled for the next day as a day/night double rescue.
   95. Vida Blew Over the Legal Limit Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:23 PM (#1678914)
If Pedro Martinez had been there, the oil slick from his Afro-sheen would have endangered aquatic wildlife on the entire Atlantic Coast.
   96. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:23 PM (#1678915)
If David Wells had been there, there would be no more water in Boston Harbor.


If David Wells were there he would've been unable to rescue the women after he got the crap kicked out of him by a minnow.

Best Regards

John
   97. jmac_66 Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:25 PM (#1678918)
see, #79 completely spead-eagled any attempts at Ozzie Guillen jokes ("doing the little things to save them")

you can't top it
   98. Scoriano Flitcraft Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:25 PM (#1678919)
I didn't know that was the story. I only knew he drowned.

...on August 14, 1996, Mees, who was unable to swim, drowned while attempting to save his 4-year-old daughter, Gabrielle, who had fallen into a swimming pool. Gabrielle survived but efforts to save her 46-year-old father were unsuccessful.

Retrieved from
"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Mees"
   99. Cris E Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:25 PM (#1678921)
Tony LaRussa sent a series of rescuers to save them.

Grady Little had one saved for sure but tragically didn't go back for the second one in time.
   100. John (You Can Call Me Grandma) Murphy Posted: October 12, 2005 at 03:27 PM (#1678926)
If Ted Williams had been there, he would have pulled them in with his fishing rod.
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