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Saturday, March 14, 2009

Baltimore Sun: O’s Wieters humble about the hype

For a lad that just translated La Vuelta de Martín Fierro into regional Kiswahili and found time to exactacopy every swollen Ritzy Bryan lick off “A Balloon Called Moaning”...humble indeed.

“You can take the best player to ever play the game and you couldn’t have expected him to come out of the chute this well,” Orioles minor league director David Stockstill said. “No matter how much we expected out of Matt Wieters, he surpassed everything.”

Wieters quickly dismissed the accolades when asked about them.

“It was great to have a good year last year, but that’s over,” he said. “I set my goals and expectations pretty high, and last year was one of the first years I’ve come close to reaching them. I have to bump up the goals a little bit higher this year.”

Despite trading starting catcher Ramon Hernandez in December and watching Wieters bat .440 so far this spring, Orioles president of baseball operations Andy MacPhail said Wieters will likely start the season at Triple-A Norfolk.

“This is a player that has had only one full year of experience and a little bit over 200 at-bats in Double-A,” said MacPhail, who signed Gregg Zaun to bridge the gap for Wieters.

Repoz Posted: March 14, 2009 at 03:21 PM | 160 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
Tags: orioles

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101. Gamingboy Posted: March 15, 2009 at 06:55 PM (#3103706)

Matt Wieters came from the Future to save us.

102. Eric J can SABER all he wants to Posted: March 15, 2009 at 06:55 PM (#3103707)

Matt Wieters has found both Carmen Sandiego and Waldo.

And killed them.

If Matt Wieters finds you, you're already dead.

103. galaxieboi Posted: March 15, 2009 at 06:56 PM (#3103708)

Seriously though, Zips projects Wieters for .291 .361 .467 which is very solid for a catcher but nothing unseen before. The way you guys talk about him, it's like he's Ted Williams as a gold glove catcher.

Matt Wieters doesn't appreciate your tone.

The question we must all be asking, 'Is Matt Wieters even legal?'

104. Hombre Brotani

Posted: March 15, 2009 at 07:08 PM (#3103717)

Matt Wieters should have your children taken away.

105. Gamingboy Posted: March 15, 2009 at 07:18 PM (#3103722)

Baseball-playing Matt Wieters refuses to struck out!

106. Pops Freshenmeyer Posted: March 15, 2009 at 07:51 PM (#3103733)

Matt Wieters's father is the district attorney!

107. Jeff K. Posted: March 15, 2009 at 07:57 PM (#3103739)

Contrary to popular belief, Fox's Scooter is not a digital creation, what you see is actual footage from 1985 of the very sperm cell that became Matt Wieters.

108. harrball Posted: March 15, 2009 at 07:57 PM (#3103741)

I had something hilarious to say here, but Matt Wieters thought of it first.

109. Jeff K. Posted: March 15, 2009 at 07:59 PM (#3103745)

Matt Wieters doesn't appreciate your tone.

Do not taunt Matt Wieters.

110. Hombre Brotani

Posted: March 15, 2009 at 08:21 PM (#3103774)

Contrary to popular belief, Fox's Scooter is not a digital creation, what you see is actual footage from 1985 of the very sperm cell that became Matt Wieters.

This would mean that Matt Wieters is human, and thus, flawed. You can see the problem with this line of thinking.

111. Jeff K. Posted: March 15, 2009 at 08:29 PM (#3103784)

No, you're limiting yourself. Rhinoceri have sperm cells, too.

112. Home Run Teal & Black Black Black Gone! Posted: March 15, 2009 at 10:33 PM (#3103909)

Matt Wieters violently raped my sister and I thanked him for it.

113. Drexl Spivey Posted: March 15, 2009 at 11:10 PM (#3103932)

"Matt Wieters violently raped my sister and I thanked him for it"

You better hope that he didn't wear a condom. Matt Wieters=God. Matt Wieters Jr.=Jesus.

114. Hugh Jorgan Posted: March 15, 2009 at 11:21 PM (#3103935)

I had something brilliant...but alas Matt Weiters has already considered it, and well it was sh*t compared to anything Weiters would say or do.

115. walt williams bobblehead Posted: March 16, 2009 at 12:19 AM (#3103991)

Jeff Novitsky pays Matt Wieters taxes for him.

116. Infinite Yost (Voxter)

Posted: March 16, 2009 at 12:33 AM (#3104006)

It has been just 75 years since Matt Wieters changed his name from Kal-El.

117. walt williams bobblehead Posted: March 16, 2009 at 12:44 AM (#3104031)

Matt Wieter's mother's basement is so big that you can actually go to a baseball game in it.

118. Infinite Yost (Voxter)

Posted: March 16, 2009 at 12:45 AM (#3104033)

John Wilkes Booth shot Matt Wieters, but the bullet bounced.

119. Quinton McCracken's BFF Posted: March 16, 2009 at 12:48 AM (#3104035)

Matt Wieters sent Carl Everett back to the Stone Age.

120. Infinite Yost (Voxter)

Posted: March 16, 2009 at 12:51 AM (#3104039)

An old man once told me that the world was balanced on the shoulders of Matt Wieters. When I asked him what Matt Wieters was standing on, he said, "It's just Matt Wieters all the way to the bottom."

121. Harry Balsagne

Posted: March 16, 2009 at 01:15 AM (#3104072)

Matt Wieters killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.

He once used a live rattlesnake for a condom.

His poop is considered currency in Argentina.

They say Gene Roddenberry got the idea for Star Trek by listening to Wieters talk in his sleep.

If you drop a phonograph needle on Wieters' nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds.

I once saw him scissor-kick Angela Lansbury.

He breast feeds John Maddden.

Did I ever tell you the time that Wieters decided to go hunting? Wieters decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives...except for Fleegle.

To Matt Wieters!

122. Quinton McCracken's BFF Posted: March 16, 2009 at 01:22 AM (#3104081)

Matt Wieters designed and tested all the traps on Saw I, II, III, IV, V...

123. walt williams bobblehead Posted: March 16, 2009 at 01:31 AM (#3104097)

In the future, MVP and HOF selections will be made by the Baseball Wieters Association of America.

124. Dan Evensen Posted: March 16, 2009 at 01:43 AM (#3104105)

I nominate #68 for the Matt Wieters Primey award. The Wieters-ey award?

125. Yeaarrgghhhh Posted: March 16, 2009 at 01:57 AM (#3104118)

Matt Wieters's father is the district attorney!

I think you meant to say that the district attorney's father is Matt Wieters!

126. Rivers McCown Posted: March 16, 2009 at 01:57 AM (#3104119)

Matt Wieters can knock over the wine glass on a Tempurpedic.

127. Dan Evensen Posted: March 16, 2009 at 01:58 AM (#3104120)

If Wieters were Chinese, China would win the WBC. And the World Cup. And the communist party would topple.

128. Eric J can SABER all he wants to Posted: March 16, 2009 at 02:02 AM (#3104126)

The mere thought of Matt Wieters can cause a Weeble to fall down.

129. Gamingboy Posted: March 16, 2009 at 02:14 AM (#3104142)

If Manny Ramirez is a cancer, then Matt Wieters is a Panacea.

130. Quinton McCracken's BFF Posted: March 16, 2009 at 03:03 AM (#3104212)

Matt Wieters goes home to Starla at night.

131. Harry Balsagne

Posted: March 16, 2009 at 03:19 AM (#3104229)

Matt Wieters' penis is so big that it has its own penis, and even that penis is bigger than your penis.

132. Nick Esasky's "Vertigo" Posted: March 16, 2009 at 03:35 AM (#3104244)

I nominate #68 for the Matt Wieters Primey award. The Wieters-ey award?

Thanks, Dan.

Inspired by... "Being John Malkovich" (1999)

133. SABRJoe Posted: March 16, 2009 at 03:35 AM (#3104245)

Matt Wieters DID write 'Moneyball.'

You know that YouTube clip of the kid who swings the baseball bat and it causes the TV screen to explode? Expect every one of Wieters' at-bats to do the same thing, but to every television in the universe.

Matt Wieters knows who Will Carroll's "source" is.

Did I ever tell you boys about the time that Matt Wieters wanted a World Series ring? Wouldn't ya know it, but Wieters kills the entire starting lineup of the 1998 New York Yankees! All except Clay Bellinger. They beat the Atlanta Braves in four games. Wieters was the MVP.

134. The District Attorney Posted: March 16, 2009 at 03:37 AM (#3104246)

Matt Wieters's father is the district attorney!

I think you meant to say that the district attorney's father is Matt Wieters!

Both.

135. GotowarMissAgnes Posted: March 16, 2009 at 03:39 AM (#3104249)

Hi, it’s Vince with Mattwow! You’ll be saying WOW every time you use this catcher! He’s like a chamois! He’s like a towel! He’s like a sponge. A regular towel doesn’t work wet - He works wet or dry. He is for the house, the car, the boat, the RV! Mattwow! holds twenty times his weight in liquid. Look at this! He just does the work! Why do you want to work twice as hard? He doesn’t drip, doesn’t make a mess. You wring him out, wash him in the washing machine. He is made in Goose Creek, you know they always make good stuff. You can cut him in half, use half of him as a bath mat, drain your dishes with the other half, use him as a towel. Olympic divers, they use him as a towel. Look at that! Completely dry! Put a wet sweater, roll it up, he dries your sweaters. Here’s some cola, wine, coffee and pet stains. Not only is the damage gonna be on top - there’s your mildew. That is going to smell! See that? The most absorbing We’re gonna do this in real time! Look at this! Put him on the spill, turn it over! Without even putting pressure, fifty percent of the cola right there. You follow me, camera guy? The other fifty percent, the color starts to come up. No other catcher's gonna do that! He acts like a vacuum! And look at this - virtually dry on the bottom! See what I’m telling ya? MATTWOW! You’ll be saying WOW every time!

136. Infinite Yost (Voxter)

Posted: March 16, 2009 at 03:41 AM (#3104254)

Matt Wieters also wrote the most trenchant criticisms of Moneyball.

137. The Lovesong of J. Alfredo Griffin Posted: March 16, 2009 at 03:42 AM (#3104256)

Matt Wieters makes tina reconsider Colin Farrell.

138. Infinite Yost (Voxter)

Posted: March 16, 2009 at 03:47 AM (#3104261)

Few people know this, but Matt Wieters is good at baseball.

139. SABRJoe Posted: March 16, 2009 at 03:50 AM (#3104265)

If you put a Matt Wieters baseball card in your bicycle spokes, the sound you'll hear is the voice of God. Then Wieters will kill you for destroying the balance of the universe.

140. Gold Star - just Gold Star Posted: March 16, 2009 at 04:24 AM (#3104296)

Matt Wieters IS duende.

141. Athletic Supporter's restaurant with Ted Danson Posted: March 16, 2009 at 04:26 AM (#3104298)

#123 is awesome.

142. frannyzoo Posted: March 16, 2009 at 04:35 AM (#3104305)

Matt Wieters not only beat up Triangle Man, but made Universe Man leave himself. Matt Wieters is now Universe Man, and is usually kind to smaller man, but not Pitcher Man.

143. Gamingboy Posted: March 16, 2009 at 12:21 PM (#3104400)

A pitcher once tried to send a pitch at Matt Wieters' head. He caught the ball in mid-air and then preceded to throw it back to the pitcher, saying "How about you try and throw it over the plate."

144. Jeff K. Posted: March 16, 2009 at 12:41 PM (#3104409)

You forgot the part where he infected the ball with smallpox before returning it, and screamed "You didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Matt Wieters JUST LANDED. ON. YOU!"

145. JustDan Posted: March 16, 2009 at 12:52 PM (#3104415)

When Chuck Norris wants to make a Chuck Norris joke, he uses Matt Wieters name instead.

146. Harry Balsagne

Posted: March 16, 2009 at 12:57 PM (#3104418)

Marlon Brando will return from the dead to play Matt Wieters in The Matt Wieters Story.

147. BFFB

Posted: March 16, 2009 at 01:08 PM (#3104426)

Neil Armstrong once said it was "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind". Matt Weiters disagrees, he thinks it was "one small step for Matt Weiters, one giant leap for everyone not named Matt Weiters"

148. Gamingboy Posted: March 16, 2009 at 01:19 PM (#3104434)

Matt Wieters has already won the Baltimore Orioles NCAA Bracket pool, as he is guaranteed to have picked every game in both the NCAA Men, NCAA Women and NIT Men's tournaments correctly. Right down to the final scores.

149. Karl from NY Posted: March 16, 2009 at 04:56 PM (#3104711)

In warmups, Matt Wieters doesn't do pushups. Matt Wieters pushes the earth down.

150. You can keep your massive haul Posted: March 16, 2009 at 05:14 PM (#3104739)

Matt Wieters doesn't always drink beer, but when he does he chooses the Milwaukee Brewers.

151. You can keep your massive haul Posted: March 16, 2009 at 05:31 PM (#3104763)

Matt Wieters once baked a humble pie that fed all of Ethopia for two years.

152. GotowarMissAgnes Posted: March 16, 2009 at 05:40 PM (#3104779)

Simon and Paula have finally agreed...Matt Wieters is the Next American Idol...forever.

153. Harmon "Thread Killer" Microbrew Posted: March 16, 2009 at 05:49 PM (#3104792)

Matt Wieters wouldn't like to teach the world to sing (in perfect harmony), but he sure as hell could, if he'd like to.

154. Gamingboy Posted: March 16, 2009 at 05:56 PM (#3104800)

Matt Wieter can play the solo from Free Bird flawlessly.

Matt Wieters was able to get some motherbleeping snakes off his motherbleeping plane.

Matt Wieters once got a Golden Sombrero. No, he didn't strike out that much, he just bought a Sombrero in Mexico and dipped it in Gold.

155. GotowarMissAgnes Posted: March 16, 2009 at 06:05 PM (#3104810)

Matt Wieters once got a Golden Sombrero. No, he didn't strike out that much, he just bought a Sombrero in Mexico and dipped it in Gold.

False. When he put it on his head, it turned to pure gold.

156. Esoteric Posted: March 16, 2009 at 06:16 PM (#3104823)

These are getting incredibly unfunny at this point. This second page in particular is filled with AWFUL recyclings of old "manly man" tropes. C'mon Primates, I like to think better of you.

Although I really did like the "Baseball Wieters Association of America" one.

157. Steve Phillips' Hot Cougar (DrStankus) Posted: March 20, 2009 at 04:09 PM (#3109348)

Matt Wieters

158. Chris Sabo Posted: April 02, 2009 at 05:36 PM (#3122267)

Wieters is the Shark that PECOTA jumped.

159. Wally Bachmaninov Posted: April 07, 2009 at 07:36 PM (#3128393)

Matt Wieters doesn't take a Walk, he permits it to happen.

Wieters doesn't read the rotation on a pitched ball, he sings it, and the Coyote doth cower.

160. Gamingboy Posted: April 07, 2009 at 07:43 PM (#3128409)

Cesar Izturis hit his home run because Matt Wieters used his mind to make it happen.

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Saturday, March 14, 2009

Baltimore Sun: O’s Wieters humble about the hype

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