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Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Dog Pee or Scorpions? Cubs Prez Theo Epstein’s Wild Landlord-Tenant Dispute

Chicago Cubs president Theo Epstein’s dog “left a terrible odor and urine-stained carpeting” in an Arizona home he stayed in for the 2015 spring training season, his landlords from that year claim.

Epstein denied his alleged tenancy fouls through a spokesperson and claimed his landlords failed to address a scorpion infestation that put his family in danger.

From February to March 2015, Epstein lived in a Paradise Valley home owned by John and Mary Valentino, a married couple based in Pennsylvania. Epstein stayed in the home with his wife, two children, and 10-pound rescue mutt.

According to a lawsuit filed Thursday in Maricopa County Superior Court, Epstein’s pup peed prolifically in the $1 million house, staining tile and stone flooring, wood door jams, cabinets, and furniture. In addition to urine stains, the Epsteins also allegedly left the home with drywall holes, broken cabinet handles, a torn shower curtain, a ripped grill cover, and other damages.

It’s been a while since we’ve dabbled in the surreal- how will now do for that?

QLE Posted: October 16, 2019 at 12:28 AM | 20 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: arizona, dogs, spring training, theo epstein

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   1. Brian C Posted: October 16, 2019 at 08:39 AM (#5891020)
How weirdly small of a dispute to still not be settled 4.5 years later.
   2. Slivers of Maranville descends into chaos (SdeB) Posted: October 16, 2019 at 09:13 AM (#5891024)
Sounds like a job for The People's Court.
   3. Nasty Nate Posted: October 16, 2019 at 09:30 AM (#5891028)
Dog Pee or Scorpions?
Well, I haven't heard any of Dog Pee's songs, but I still choose them.
   4. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: October 16, 2019 at 10:11 AM (#5891037)
In addition to urine stains, the Epsteins also allegedly left the home with drywall holes, broken cabinet handles, a torn shower curtain, a ripped grill cover, and other damages.
Sounds like a hell of a party.
   5. . Posted: October 16, 2019 at 11:17 AM (#5891052)
What a weirdo.
   6. bigglou115 is not an Illuminati agent Posted: October 16, 2019 at 12:34 PM (#5891084)
@1, these things can drag on forever.

A few years ago I moved out of a rental and on the day I left the garage door broke. Now, in no way shape form or fashion is that my responsibility as a tenant, but since I "left it damaged," the owner tried to hold me responsible. They had already kept my security deposit over some bs and it wasn't worth it to get it back (a fee for removal of some broken furniture the owner left behind before I moved in, for instance), but I sure am not going to give them more money. It's like $600. The rental agency knows it's a joke, but the owner is still insistent. They bowed out by saying "the owner is threatening legal action and we will no longer be involved." I get a threatening letter every couple of months, I think they have a cousin who's a tax attorney or something.

Eventually they'll sue, which is fine. Even if it wasn't small claims court, where my advantage would be massive, it's just the law. Long story short, that's how these things happen. The landlord tries to be threatening, the tenant digs in, and everyone settles into a pattern until statutes of limitations start coming close.
   7. Zonk took his own SATs Posted: October 16, 2019 at 01:13 PM (#5891093)
I can beat that...

I had a landlord who attempted to pocket my security deposit by just ignoring me... No claims of any damages or any other reason to deny returning it (at first), just never returned my calls or answered my increasingly threatening letters.

Eventually, familiarized myself with the municipal codes - and realized that I could take her to court for 3 times the deposit.... which I followed up with a certified letter stating my intention to do precisely that, as well as documentation that ranged from the original deposit receipt to pictures of the place when I moved out to even !@$@#@!! receipts for the stamps for the letters she never responded to.

She responded with non-specific "damages" - none of which she could even state in a vague way (never mind time had long passed for her to document and provide me with the list and costs anyway).

The next day - this was about 6 months later - I got a call from her "attorney" and he told me I could stop by to pick up the original deposit amount check... which I was prepared to accept.

Until the attorney acted like a real twit and attempted to waste my time and pass down what I'm sure was the ######## out he got from the landlord onto me.... at which point, when he tried to hand the check over to me - I informed him he had just cost his "client" more money and walked out.

Two days later, I stopped back into the office and was handed a check for the original amount + another 500 bucks for my troubles.

   8. Brian C Posted: October 16, 2019 at 05:22 PM (#5891156)
@1, these things can drag on forever.

Yeah, I guess I'm mostly just surprised that the statute of limitations didn't pass a long time ago. But I just looked it up and it's apparently 5 years here in Illinois for property damage claims, so I guess 4.5 years makes sense if AZ is the same. Seems like 5 years is too long for minor crap like this.
In addition to urine stains, the Epsteins also allegedly left the home with drywall holes, broken cabinet handles, a torn shower curtain, a ripped grill cover, and other damages.

I wonder how ridiculously minor the "other damages" must have been not to be worth mentioning, considering "torn shower curtain" made the cut.
   9. The Yankee Clapper Posted: October 16, 2019 at 05:52 PM (#5891162)
Epstein has a history of damaging other’s property during multiple fits of rage:
Upon learning of Contreras' decision, Boston GM Theo Epstein reportedly broke a window and a door in the same Managua hotel. Team spokesman Kevin Shea denied the incident ever occurred. But, according to the New York Daily News, Epstein broke a chair during the winter meetings in Nashville after realizing free agent Edgardo Alfonzo had chosen the Giants over the Red Sox.
He better settle. Cross examination could be rough.
   10. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: October 16, 2019 at 05:56 PM (#5891163)
Epstein broke a chair during the winter meetings in Nashville after realizing free agent Edgardo Alfonzo had chosen the Giants over the Red Sox.
I wonder if he apologized to the chair after Alfonzo put up -0.1 WAR for $18 million over 3 years for the Giants.
   11. the Hugh Jorgan returns Posted: October 16, 2019 at 06:04 PM (#5891167)
Dude makes $5 mil per and he's renting in a neighbourhood with us plebs in the $1 mil range? How odd. With that sort of cash, I'd be renting a place that comes complete with cleaners, dudes who cut the yard, etc. and would be a much nicer place.

Epstein's family claimed they discovered dog urine stains upon moving into the 3,595-square foot home.


See, that is exactly what you find when you are slumming it with us slackers in the $1 mil properties and not with your own people in the $10 mil properties.
   12. Booey Posted: October 16, 2019 at 06:54 PM (#5891173)
scorpion infestation


Are those common household vermin in Arizona? Yeesh.
   13. Brian C Posted: October 16, 2019 at 07:16 PM (#5891176)
They're common enough in central Texas that my brother taught my toddler niece to immediately come find him if she saw a "bad bug".
   14. Sunday silence: Play Guess How long season lasts Posted: October 16, 2019 at 08:04 PM (#5891184)
Even if it wasn't small claims court, where my advantage would be massive,


LOL
   15. bigglou115 is not an Illuminati agent Posted: October 16, 2019 at 08:12 PM (#5891185)
@14, I'm pretty sure I'd do ok. I'm a trial attorney with the law on my side and in Arkansas you can't bring an attorney to small claims. Also, I know the judges for any court I'd wind up in.
   16. bigglou115 is not an Illuminati agent Posted: October 16, 2019 at 08:14 PM (#5891187)
@7, the number of landlords who will just out of hand claim a security deposit is disturbing. I had a client once who just put them in his general funds and spent them like rental income. Didn't understand why that was a problem.
   17. Omineca Greg Posted: October 16, 2019 at 08:21 PM (#5891189)
Epstein's family claimed they discovered dog urine stains upon moving into the 3,595-square foot home.

I think that's nifty that the Epstein family can identify the source of old urine stains. The whole family too, aren't his kids kind of young still? Whenever I move into a new home, no matter how hard I try, I can never with 100% certainty, assess what species produced all the new (to me) urine stains. And my kids are of no ####### help whatsoever.

It's one of the great things about moving into a new place, checking out those stains. Get the old black light out, shine it around. OK, maybe not "great", more like...I dunno... "necessary evil". 

You'd think most household urine stains would be from a few species only: cats, dogs, people. I really wish I had Theo's family around though, because apparently they can call the species..."BAM...that's dog!". Like, I can only theorise that it's ferret pee in the master bedroom; under the black light, the footprints of urine tracked all over sure look like ferret, according to my chart anyway.

I bet Theo, and his expert urine identifying family, don't need to rely on any chart. They're breaking it out FREESTYLE, BABY!

I sure hope Theo isn't claiming that it was "dog" urine based on a litmus test. I know for a fact those don't stand up in court, "Could be a dog..." said the fancy big city lawyer to the jury, "but how do we know it wasn't a cat that liked Whiskey Sours?"...and because I only had a court appointed lawyer, we didn't have the resources to do a post-mortem examination of Kitty's liver to prove that wasn't the case. I have to admit, that part of the trial still hurts. 

I gotta say, the whole thing comes off, and correct me if I'm being a little Marxist, very classist. Or elitist, or whatever. Go to Yale, win championships with a couple of different teams, then all of a sudden people start believing everything you say, "Yak urine...Scorpion venom...I know all fluids!". I bet Theo doesn't know jack piss about urine, no more than anybody else, sure he can tell the asparagus eaters from the coffee drinkers, but walking into a house and calling "dog urine stain"?
 
I call bullshit.
   18. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: October 16, 2019 at 09:30 PM (#5891194)
You can't really...dust for urine.
   19. Tin Angel Posted: October 17, 2019 at 12:23 AM (#5891205)
Considering what a moral, upstanding family the Ricketts are I bet Theo is fired by the end of the week. A sad end.
   20. Gold Star - just Gold Star Posted: October 17, 2019 at 01:38 AM (#5891209)
Are those common household vermin in Arizona? Yeesh.
Yes, but they're (mostly) harmless. Small, afraid, have to step on them to get attacked. The fun part is hunting them down using a handheld UV light - which, come to think of it, would be useful for the other problem in that house.

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