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Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Esquire: Raab & Levin: Derek Jeter Blew the World Series

How the hell am I going to cram “The Microcephalic Ronan Tynan Quavers” onto our drum head?

Scott Raab: Why Bud Selig lets the Yankees turn the 7th-inning stretch into a faux-patriotic ritual—not so incidentally forcing the opposing pitcher to wait an extra five or so minutes while the microcephalic Ronan Tynan quavers his meandering way through “God Bless America”—is a mystery. No other team or town pulls this sort of crap. It’s no tribute to America—it’s a tribute to George Steinbrenner’s sense of entitlement and his monomania, and it’s a disgrace to the game.

If another team pulled this on the Yankees, Steinbrenner would raise hell, and he’d be absolutely right to do so. And if the Yanks’ pitchers could miss bats the way Tynan misses notes, the Yanks might’ve had a prayer against the Tribe.

...In other words, #### the ############# Yankees. In their house. With Paul Byrd. With Joe Borowski. With Rudy Giuliani in his precious little VIP box. With Rocket pouting, feet up in the trainer’s table’s stirrups, as the team gynecologist pries apart his Hall of Fame labia. With the dickweed Michael Kay babbling about how the Yankees are the better team.

Right. It was the gnats. It was A-Rod. It was Bruce Froemming. It simply isn’t possible that the better team wasn’t the Yankees, because that simply can’t be true in Bombersworld. Just count the ringzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Bye-bye, you sorry bastards. Oh, and God bless America.

Repoz Posted: October 10, 2007 at 05:27 AM | 48 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: indians, yankees

Reader Comments and Retorts

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Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. Dan The Mediocre is one of "the rest" Posted: October 10, 2007 at 06:42 AM (#2570524)
Gambling Rent writes articles?
   2. scareduck Posted: October 10, 2007 at 07:32 AM (#2570538)
The Angels trot out GBA before the 7th inning stretch on Sunday games. I usually make a point to remain seated.
   3. Sparkles Peterson Posted: October 10, 2007 at 07:41 AM (#2570539)
This is seriously the greatest piece of sports journalism I have ever read.
   4. Hombre Brotani Posted: October 10, 2007 at 07:49 AM (#2570540)
This is delicious.
   5. Starring RMc as Bradley Scotchman Posted: October 10, 2007 at 11:24 AM (#2570551)
Bye-bye, you sorry bastards. Oh, and God bless America.

I think I'm going to cry.
   6. Sam M. Posted: October 10, 2007 at 11:35 AM (#2570552)
Well, it's good stuff, but the headline needs some work:

1) Jeter didn't blow the World Series; he blew the ALCS.

2) Jeter doesn't deserve all the blame; he shares it with Wang, who was at least as bad at his job as Jeter was at his. Or, if you really think it was Torre's fault for starting Wang in Game 4 on short rest (as Levin does) -- and if you were smart enough to say so before Game 4 -- then he shares it with Wang and Torre.

But Jeter was all kinds of bad.
   7. My guest will be Jermaine Allensworth Posted: October 10, 2007 at 11:37 AM (#2570554)
Hall of Fame labia

Good name for a band.
   8. Cooperstown Schtick Posted: October 10, 2007 at 12:19 PM (#2570563)
Nothing says good sports writing like inviting yourself into the storyline. The chatty template works well for Teen Beat and Sassy, why not Esquire? Sprinkle lightly with Yankee schadenfreude. LOL!

That said, I think the point about ARod wanting to be on a team that is larger than he is spot on.

I believe the issue of starting Wang on short rest is being rightly criticized for the wrong reason. I don't think the short rest had anything to do with his performance -- if anything, it appeared that he was too strong in the early going and was throwing too hard to get the good movement he ordinarily does on his pitches. They were clocking him at 96. I think the issue is that Torre chose to return a pitcher to the mound who had already been lit up in Game 1 by a team he hadn't faced previously this season, and he did so when, as Levin observed, he had other reasonable alternatives. Of course, a quick look at Wang's home/road splits makes his Game 1 start kind of a head scratcher anyway.
   9. kthejoker Posted: October 10, 2007 at 12:34 PM (#2570568)
Jeter didn't blow the ALCS; he blew the ALDS.
   10. Spahn Insane Posted: October 10, 2007 at 12:44 PM (#2570572)
Gambling Rent writes articles?

Not that I can tell; this isn't about the Cubs.

I don't hate the Yankees with the venom a lot of folks do, but this is pretty damned funny.
   11. Spahn Insane Posted: October 10, 2007 at 12:47 PM (#2570573)
Jeter didn't blow the ALCS; he blew the ALDS.

Like it matters. Any postseason series is just an annoying speedbump on the Yankees' path to the world championship glory that is rightfully theirs.
   12. Pasta-diving Jeter (jmac66) Posted: October 10, 2007 at 12:51 PM (#2570574)
while everyone is concentrating on Raab's hatefest for the Yanquis, Levin's final entry vis a vis Borowski is spot on

Putting in Borowski was a horrible mistake last night...Wedge didn't just put Borowski in last night, he took Betancourt out. And that's just a flagrant mistake, a tactical error that simply has no defense. That the Indians might squander even one postseason game with that kind of move isn't just frightening; it's offensive.

zactly what I said yesterday in another thread

sooner or later, Wedge's pig-headedness about using Borowski will cost them a game they should win
   13. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: October 10, 2007 at 12:55 PM (#2570575)
Tynan is more <u>macro</U>cephalic to my eye; from the side, the dude has a skull that just won't quit. But it's hardly fair to slam him when he's just taking a gig. If the White Sox hired me to play "God Bless America" on the tuba at every 7th inning, you can believe I'd take the check if it paid. He's an O.K. singer; nothing terribly exceptional for what he is, a decent, clear tenor, and he doesn't massacre the song too much. Well, maybe a little, but geez, you sing it enough, you want to change it up just enough so you don't fall asleep in mid-"God."
   14. David Nieporent (now, with children) Posted: October 10, 2007 at 01:30 PM (#2570594)
Putting in Borowski was a horrible mistake last night...Wedge didn't just put Borowski in last night, he took Betancourt out. And that's just a flagrant mistake, a tactical error that simply has no defense. That the Indians might squander even one postseason game with that kind of move isn't just frightening; it's offensive.

zactly what I said yesterday in another thread

sooner or later, Wedge's pig-headedness about using Borowski will cost them a game they should win
Yes, and yet all the TBS guys could do was issue cliche after cliche about "This is the way he managed all year." They even talked about how shaky Borowski was, but couldn't quite figure out the implications of this.
   15. Dr. Vaux Posted: October 10, 2007 at 01:50 PM (#2570612)
If the White Sox hired me to play "God Bless America" on the tuba at every 7th inning, you can believe I'd take the check if it paid.


I wouldn't, or at least I'd wear a bag over my head or something so nobody could tell it was me. . .
   16. Worrierking Posted: October 10, 2007 at 01:57 PM (#2570619)
Tynan has become like Maya Angelou or Willy Nelson or Beverly Sills in her day, the one person that everybody knows from an artform that most people are clueless about. He then becomes quickly overexposed and ultimately a cliche. Tynan needs to concentrate on doing what he does best for the people who appreciate it and quit showing up at Yankee games.
   17. The George Sherrill Selection Posted: October 10, 2007 at 01:58 PM (#2570621)
The Red Sox need to get a Neil Diamond impersonator to sing "Sweet Caroline." The whole song. And maybe "I am I said" in addition if the Yankees are in town.
   18. and Posted: October 10, 2007 at 01:59 PM (#2570624)
Yes, and yet all the TBS guys could do was issue cliche after cliche about "This is the way he managed allyear." They even talked about how shaky Borowski was, but couldn't quite figure out the implications of this.

This is what gets me. It's clear listening to the guys doing analysis on TV and radio that they understand that, even with 45 saves, Borowski is shaky and that the two guys in that game who preceeded him were better pitchers. Yet they couldn't - or wouldn't - make the leap to what should be done about it. To me that is sabermetrics (and science) in a nutshell. Sabermetrics isn't about equations and computers and data. People can use those to do dumbass things just as easily as people do dumbass things "with their gut". The point of rational analysis is that when you see a trend, you consider it and open your mind to change. YOu see a guy who hardly ever retires three consecutive batters and has an ERA over 5 and compare him to a guy who just blows people away, you should be able to say, "Why don't we try the good pitcher in the closer role," instead of "huh, bring in Borowski anyway."

I applaud Wedge for managing the people involved and readily acknowledge you can't make role and roster changes in a cold hearted fashion. But he should have come up with some way this year of moving Borowski out of the premium role. If he intentionally left it the way he did so that he could use his other guys in higher leverage situations, that is great. But I'd call the 9th the other night pretty high leverage and I'd have left Betancourt in.
   19. 1k5v3L Posted: October 10, 2007 at 02:01 PM (#2570625)
I gotta say, it's absolutely refreshing to live in NYC with both the Mets and Yankees playing golf, while the league and world championships are being played out.

The papers are more fun to read, the radio shows on ESPN and WFAN are more exciting, even the air feels fresher... but maybe that's just the result of yesterday's rain.
   20. Mister High Standards Posted: October 10, 2007 at 02:05 PM (#2570631)
I like GBA between innings. I think it's a nice gesture to support the troops overseas, and a wonderful tribute to the American's who made this country great. With that said, I don't think it should be during the stretch, as that should be JUST take me out to the ball game, pick another inning. Nor do I think it should delay the start of the next inning. Which means, just the short form.
   21. JC in DC Posted: October 10, 2007 at 02:05 PM (#2570633)
bunyon:

Your point may be about science or even sabermetrics in the abstract, but I daresay I've seen little evidence in my time at this site that people here are any more "scientific" or objective than Chip Caray, Joe Morgan, or Michael Kay, and I'm not kidding.
   22. 185/456(GGC) Posted: October 10, 2007 at 02:11 PM (#2570641)
Posnaski said that this Raab was his idol.
   23. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: October 10, 2007 at 02:11 PM (#2570643)
I wouldn't, or at least I'd wear a bag over my head or something so nobody could tell it was me. . .

In my defense, I actually <u>do</u> play the tuba semi-professionally, so I could probably pull it off O.K., if not as well as some. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Accordion, on the other hand...
   24. SoSH U at work Posted: October 10, 2007 at 02:12 PM (#2570646)
In 17 at bats, Cap'n Clutch accounted for 18 Yankees outs.


Interesting. This same stat line was suggested the other night by Greg Maddux's Reflexive School of Profanity, but later shown to be 17 outs in 17 at bats.
   25. franoscar Posted: October 10, 2007 at 02:12 PM (#2570647)
OK, so, in the context of the article, saying that Roger Clemens has labia is saying that he has "Either of two pairs of folds of tissue that make up part of the external genitalia of female mammals." Yesterday somebody suggested he has a vagina too.

So what's the implication -- we should sneer at Roger & call him the worst thing we can think of, which is a woman? If you are trying to find a clever way to call him a p*ssy, then I don't think this is it. You call Roger Clemens a p*ssy, I won't complain.

I don't believe any of you need me to tell you that women are no less strong, valiant, heroic, able to rise to the occasion, loyal, dedicated, upright & true than men are. But this idea (not unique here, of course) that athletes can be insulted by suggested they are "girls" is really stupid & your daughters won't thank you for it.

Fran
(I have too much time on my hands -- I'm waiting for my email to compact itself so I can work)
   26. Pasta-diving Jeter (jmac66) Posted: October 10, 2007 at 02:17 PM (#2570655)
I've seen little evidence in my time at this site that people here are any more "scientific" or objective than Chip Caray, Joe Morgan, or Michael Kay,


no, but we're smarter

(and better-looking)
   27. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: October 10, 2007 at 02:21 PM (#2570664)
But this idea (not unique here, of course) that athletes can be insulted by suggested they are "girls" is really stupid & your daughters won't thank you for it.

"P*ssy" does not, I think, have the girlish connotation that it had initially, kind of like how "sucks" doesn't quite mean what it used to mean although it's used in the same contexts. A p*ssy is just someone who can't get the job done, that's all.
   28. and Posted: October 10, 2007 at 02:24 PM (#2570667)
Your point may be about science or even sabermetrics in the abstract, but I daresay I've seen little evidence in my time at this site that people here are any more "scientific" or objective than Chip Caray, Joe Morgan, or Michael Kay, and I'm not kidding.

Oh, I've seen more here than the public statements of those you name, but I have no idea of their actual, deeper ideas. At least deeper than can be conveyed quickly in a bam-bam type broadcast. And your point is valid and, I think, backs up my point. Just because you use acronyms and data not readily available doesn't make you any smarter than anyone else. To often people like to substitute complex for smart. This happens here and it happens in the world of science. The world of science is probably worse because there is a presumption that people with degrees and lots of data have necessarily interpreted the data correctly, or without bias. Scientists like to say it's important to be sceptical, which is true. It's doubly important to be skeptical of ourselves. It's a hard trick and I'm not trying to be too hard on anyone who is more skeptical of others' work than their own - it is human nature to think you're right. I was just saying that it is silly to be worried that a manager or announcer doesn't understand some obscure stat and plays one guy over another when the former is a couple of pct. points lower than the latter. It isn't silly, though, to suggest a manager re-evaluate performance. Once you make the observation, you need to follow through with logical conclusions regardless of whether you hold yourself as a saberist or not.
   29. JC in DC Posted: October 10, 2007 at 02:26 PM (#2570670)
I agree, Fran, and I wonder how well the article (which I find tasteless and moronic) would have been received if ##### had been changed to "fag" or some other derogatory term people used to use to criticize someone's manhood. You'll just have to count me as surprised by this piece's reception by the BBTF crew.
   30. Gaelan Posted: October 10, 2007 at 02:47 PM (#2570691)
I thought this was pretty insightful.

When you start a guy on short rest, you take away not only some of his raw strength and stamina, but also a significant part of his self-knowledge -- his ability to predict and understand his body's capabilities and limitations. For example, the precise amount of effort needed to throw a certain pitch at a certain speed with a certain break. And with control.

You can tell when the guy on the mound doesn't have the body he was expecting, and it happens sometimes even on full rest. How much greater is the chance that a starter won't have the physical response he's expecting to have, if his expectations are based in part on six months straight of exactly four days rest, and never less than that?
   31. The Keith Law Blog Blah Blah (battlekow) Posted: October 10, 2007 at 03:34 PM (#2570741)
The Red Sox need to get a Neil Diamond impersonator to sing "Sweet Caroline." The Red Sox need to get a Neil Diamond impersonator to sing "Sweet Caroline."

Yeah, well, we were driving down this dark road, and I hit a kid. So, we got out, and sure enough he was dead. So, we just took off. Pretty fast. And two hours later, I wrote "Sweet Caroline".
   32. The usual palaver and twaddle (Met Fan Charlie) Posted: October 10, 2007 at 04:00 PM (#2570764)
Tynan is more macrocephalic to my eye; from the side, the dude has a skull that just won't quit.

Well, it ain't like he's Mr. Met or anything...
   33. Chris in Wicker Park Posted: October 10, 2007 at 04:02 PM (#2570766)
In 17 at bats, Cap'n Clutch accounted for 18 Yankees outs.



Interesting. This same stat line was suggested the other night by Greg Maddux's Reflexive School of Profanity, but later shown to be 17 outs in 17 at bats.


It was really 17 outs, but Jetes was giving 105.9%.
   34. DL from MN Posted: October 10, 2007 at 04:07 PM (#2570771)
It's the playoffs, can't they get the _real_ Neil Diamond? If not, Will Ferrell is the only "impersonator" worthy of the national stage.

Good point, saying "woman" when you mean "coward" is unfair to both. For Roger, the proper insult is "geriatric".
   35. Boots Day Posted: October 10, 2007 at 04:12 PM (#2570775)
But this idea (not unique here, of course) that athletes can be insulted by suggested they are "girls" is really stupid & your daughters won't thank you for it.

I agree that it's offensive and stupid, but men also use euphemisms for the male sex organs as slurs all the time. The common thread seems not to be that it's bad to refer to someone using part of the female anatomy (no one uses slang terms for mammary glands as insults), but that it's insulting to refer to someone as a genital.

Which is odd, because in my experience, genitalia are very good things.
   36. Greg Maddux School of Reflexive Profanity Posted: October 10, 2007 at 04:16 PM (#2570780)
Interesting. This same stat line was suggested the other night by Greg Maddux's Reflexive School of Profanity, but later shown to be 17 outs in 17 at bats.

Not only is Esquire plagiarizing my mistakes, but there's some guy running around calling himself Greg Maddux's Reflexive School of Profanity doing it, too?
   37. SoSH U at work Posted: October 10, 2007 at 04:20 PM (#2570783)
I agree that it's offensive and stupid, but men also use euphemisms for the male sex organs as slurs all the time. The common thread seems not to be that it's bad to refer to someone using part of the female anatomy (no one uses slang terms for mammary glands as insults), but that it's insulting to refer to someone as a genital.


Franoscar's problem is that Raab wasn't trying to insult Clemens by calling him a #####. He was trying to insult him by calling him a woman.

And I think Fran's right.
   38. SoSH U at work Posted: October 10, 2007 at 04:24 PM (#2570788)
Not only is Esquire plagiarizing my mistakes, but there's some guy running around calling himself Greg Maddux's Reflexive School of Profanity doing it, too?


Damn. I knew I was going to #### that name up.
   39. CrosbyBird Posted: October 10, 2007 at 04:37 PM (#2570801)
(no one uses slang terms for mammary glands as insults)

Speak for yourself, boob.
   40. Babe Ruths Chris Steak Posted: October 10, 2007 at 04:41 PM (#2570808)
I'll smack you in the mouth, I'm Neil Diamond!
   41. thetailor (Brian) Posted: October 10, 2007 at 04:43 PM (#2570817)
I'm really mad that this guy ripped on Ronan Tynan. #### you guy.
   42. The usual palaver and twaddle (Met Fan Charlie) Posted: October 10, 2007 at 04:50 PM (#2570828)
I'll smack you in the mouth, I'm Neil Diamond!


And I'm Paul Anka. When I move, I slice like a hammer...all the guys get shirts...
   43. NJ in NJ Posted: October 10, 2007 at 04:55 PM (#2570840)
if anything, it appeared that he was too strong in the early going and was throwing too hard to get the good movement he ordinarily does on his pitches

No, he just sucked.
   44. aleskel Posted: October 10, 2007 at 05:02 PM (#2570853)
"Hey man, leave me out of this"

"No I will LEAVE YOU IN!!!"
   45. Edmundo got dem ol' Kozma blues again mama Posted: October 10, 2007 at 05:09 PM (#2570861)
It was really 17 outs, but Jetes was giving 105.9%.
Or in the words of Kasper Gutman, "An additional investment of 5 and 15/17 percent."

Edit: added URL and fixed spelling
   46. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: October 10, 2007 at 06:01 PM (#2570944)
Or in the words of Kasper Gutman, "An additional investment of 5 and 15/17 percent."

There's never any telling what you'll say or do next, Edmundo.
   47. Pasta-diving Jeter (jmac66) Posted: October 10, 2007 at 07:01 PM (#2571028)
"six, two and even they're selling you out, Dr. Memory"
   48. Big Ed Posted: October 10, 2007 at 07:07 PM (#2571033)
But this idea (not unique here, of course) that athletes can be insulted by suggested they are "girls" is really stupid

Actually, I think they can be. I once had a conversation with a major league player in which he referred derisively to Paul Byrd as "a girl."

I'm not going to say who it was or the context. Doesn't make it right, of course.

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