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Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Police: Blue Jays’ Reese McGuire arrested for ‘Exposure of Sexual Organs’

Toronto Blue Jays catcher Reese McGuire was arrested last weekend for the exposure of sexual organs and given a notice to appear in court, according to the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office.

The incident in question occurred Friday afternoon in a public parking lot outside a Dunedin strip mall, when a subject was seen inside an SUV exposing himself.


McGuire is due to appear at the Criminal Court Complex in Clearwater on March 16.

The Blue Jays released the following statement on the matter Wednesday.

The Toronto Blue Jays are aware of the recent police incident involving catcher Reese McGuire. He has been in communication with the Blue Jays and we are working to gather more information. Out of respect for the legal process, neither he nor the club will comment any further at this time.

RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: February 12, 2020 at 03:16 PM | 65 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: reese mcguire

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   1. ReggieThomasLives Posted: February 12, 2020 at 03:27 PM (#5923932)
How did he fit his organ in an SUV? Must not be the kind with the pipe(s).
   2. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: February 12, 2020 at 03:29 PM (#5923934)
Do we know whose sexual organs?
   3. PreservedFish Posted: February 12, 2020 at 03:32 PM (#5923936)
a subject was seen inside an SUV exposing himself.


You can't get naked in your own car?
   4. Jeff Frances the Mute Posted: February 12, 2020 at 03:54 PM (#5923943)
Option J strikes again
   5. Infinite Yost (Voxter) Posted: February 12, 2020 at 04:03 PM (#5923947)
You can't get naked in your own car?


I'm pretty sure that in some states you can get in trouble for being naked in your own house if you don't close the blinds and someone complains.
   6. Walks Clog Up the Bases Posted: February 12, 2020 at 04:03 PM (#5923948)
My first thought was perhaps he was not alone in the SUV. Otherwise, just sitting there alone in your vehicle with your junk out seems like a non-optimal way to go about publicly exposing yourself.
   7. AndrewJ Posted: February 12, 2020 at 04:03 PM (#5923949)
If he'd been able to expose his non-sexual organs, that would have been a feat...
   8. Tom Nawrocki Posted: February 12, 2020 at 04:05 PM (#5923951)
He should have sprung for the tinted windows.
   9. Fernigal McGunnigle Posted: February 12, 2020 at 04:29 PM (#5923962)
If he'd been able to expose his non-sexual organs, that would have been a feat...
Your skin is the largest organ in your body, and you're exposing some of it unless you go out dressed like this. Although I suppose you can argue that skin is (among many other things) a sexual organ.
   10. Howie Menckel Posted: February 12, 2020 at 04:31 PM (#5923964)
I suppose you can argue that skin is (among many other things) a sexual organ.

it is if you do it right
   11. AndrewJ Posted: February 12, 2020 at 04:34 PM (#5923965)
I was thinking more along the lines of heart, liver, spleen...
   12. Zonk Begs Your Pardon, Mr Blago Posted: February 12, 2020 at 04:35 PM (#5923966)
Crestfallen, since McGuire has long been one of my OOTP favorites :-(.

I've been flashed by somebody in a car before... It's a... surreal thing.

Early one morning on my way to work, I stop into a 7-11 to grab a donut and a cup of coffee. A guy in a perfectly normal SUV beckons me over and he looks like he's looking at a street map, so whatever... figured the dude needs directions.

Yeah?

He starts grinning maniacally, bobbing his head down towards his lap, till my still-sleepy eyes follow and voila...

Quite the WTF moment...
   13. ReggieThomasLives Posted: February 12, 2020 at 04:42 PM (#5923968)
Mine was two naked 20 something year old girls driving by me on freeway when I was 17.

At the time I was too intimidated by older women to try to catch them.
   14. asinwreck Posted: February 12, 2020 at 05:19 PM (#5923976)
Historically, player arrests at spring training have involved DUI or sexual assault, so I guess he was trying to split the difference?
   15. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: February 12, 2020 at 05:22 PM (#5923978)
Your skin is the largest organ in your body
Speak for yourself.
   16. Howie Menckel Posted: February 12, 2020 at 05:22 PM (#5923979)
Mine was two naked 20 something year old girls driving by me on freeway when I was 17.

At the time I was too intimidated by older women to try to catch them.

"But then - 5 years later to the day - those same naked girls returned to that very spot. THIS time I was ready. So I...."

#PenthouseForum
   17. Itchy Row Posted: February 12, 2020 at 05:28 PM (#5923983)
Just showing that he wasn’t wearing Altuve’s buzzer.

Although he does call it “Altuve’s buzzer” sometimes.
   18. Tin Angel Posted: February 12, 2020 at 05:44 PM (#5923987)
Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing...
   19. The Run Fairy Posted: February 12, 2020 at 06:06 PM (#5923989)
My first thought was perhaps he was not alone in the SUV. Otherwise, just sitting there alone in your vehicle with your junk out seems like a non-optimal way to go about publicly exposing yourself.


Allegedly it was just Reese and his phone in a Dollar Tree parking lot.

"I directly asked Reese why he chose to masturbate in a visible area with people around,' the report read. 'Reese stated he "wasn't trying to be seen". I pointed out that he was in a vehicle with no tint, and parked in the busiest portion of the parking lot, surrounded by cars on all sides and masturbating at 2 PM on a Friday afternoon. Reese acknowledged that he should have known people would see him.'

The police also asked McGuire how he came to be parked in that particular strip mall.

McGuire, who said he is staying nearby, did not have a clear answer.

'After lunch Reese stated he came to the parking lot and began "hanging out,"' the report said. 'I asked Reese why he came to this parking lot in particular. Reese stated he did not know, it just seemed like a good place. I pointed out the high foot traffic and vehicles in and around the entire parking lot and Reese acknowledged this.'"
   20. JimMusComp likes Billy Eppler.... Posted: February 12, 2020 at 06:13 PM (#5923992)
This thread was just what I needed after a shitty day at work.
   21. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: February 12, 2020 at 06:21 PM (#5923994)
"I directly asked Reese why he chose to masturbate in a visible area with people around,' the report read. 'Reese stated he "wasn't trying to be seen". I pointed out that he was in a vehicle with no tint, and parked in the busiest portion of the parking lot, surrounded by cars on all sides and masturbating at 2 PM on a Friday afternoon. Reese acknowledged that he should have known people would see him.'

The police also asked McGuire how he came to be parked in that particular strip mall.

McGuire, who said he is staying nearby, did not have a clear answer.

'After lunch Reese stated he came to the parking lot and began "hanging out,"' the report said. 'I asked Reese why he came to this parking lot in particular. Reese stated he did not know, it just seemed like a good place. I pointed out the high foot traffic and vehicles in and around the entire parking lot and Reese acknowledged this.'"


So, drugs?
   22. Walt Davis Posted: February 12, 2020 at 06:32 PM (#5923999)
Old news story (late 80s or early 90s probably):

Around 2 am, in Chapel Hill, NC, police notice one gentleman fellating another gentleman in a parking lot (probably outside a bar). They arrest them for sodomy.

Now CH is a liberal bastion and the local county DA knows that he will not win re-election if he prosecutes somebody for sodomy. On the other hand, the fine, upstanding families of CH don't really want public fellatio to become a thing. So he charges them with indecent exposure.

Then it turns out that under NC law at the time, you could only indecently expose oneself to somebody of the opposit sex. All charges dropped. No outbreak of public fellatio that I was aware of.
   23. Never Give an Inge (Dave) Posted: February 12, 2020 at 06:42 PM (#5924001)
TMZ with some additional details.

According to the report ... cops say after they rolled up to the parking lot, they saw McGuire with his shirt "barely covering his genitals" and his sweatpants around his ankles.

They claim in the report when they got McGuire out of his car, he "had an erection which was very apparent."

Cops say McGuire apologized to them profusely for the incident ... saying, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, this is really embarrassing." Cops say McGuire added, "I really shouldn't have been doing that."

In the report, cops claim when they got McGuire's phone to try to find his current address ... they noticed an "extremely pornographic video was playing on the screen."
   24. Nasty Nate Posted: February 12, 2020 at 06:48 PM (#5924003)
He was in the wrong strip mall - was looking for Orchids of Asia.
   25. the Hugh Jorgan returns Posted: February 12, 2020 at 06:52 PM (#5924006)
they noticed an "extremely pornographic video was playing on the screen."


Well unless cooking recipes or articles about EU economy really turn you on, I'm pretty sure most people would chose pornography to assist in the completion of the task.
   26. Omineca Greg Posted: February 12, 2020 at 07:02 PM (#5924010)
First off, you gotta understand that pretty soon Reese is going to be in Canada.

Sure, they still call it a "Dollar Tree" up in Canada, but everything actually costs $1.25. I know big time financiers like you guys know that $1 USD is worth $1.32 CAD, so Canadians are actually making out like bandits. But Reese is just a kid, and a ballplayer at that. To him, he's thinking, "Man, I need some Dollar Tree bounty before I have to go up North and it gets expensive."

It really depends how much blame you want to assign to MLB for not providing minor league ballplayers with quality sex toys. You know, the Players Association (no really, that's what they call it) ensures that up in The Show, it's all custom robot dolls that know your name, and exotic lubricants and sundry jellies, but the guys just starting out (Reese is on the bubble, and I don't know when the toy thing vests, but obviously he doesn't have enough service time accrued), they have to get creative. I should rephrase that, even if you're masturbating with just your hand, you're probably being pretty creative, imagining people and situations. Young adults today probably rely on their phones too much, but that's a conversation for a different post. I remember when I was a kid and some weirdo dumped all the remaindered skin mags at our elementary school yard, just before lunch. So we went out to play kickball or shoot hockey cards, or whatever, and instead there were hundreds of pictures of naked ladies. Hundreds! That's the way it happened in 1977, that's the first time you see a naked lady. Not now. I'm not saying it's better or worse, but it's different.

Anyway, where was I?

Ah, yes. Reese's (unfortunately exposed) Pieces.

Not yet being established, he has to fashion his own sex toys, and believe me, there's a lot of individual components in the more sophisticated ones. I mean sophisticated for homemade. For example, where else but at a Dollar Tree can you purchase...

a) hand lotion
b) sandwich bags
c) a stuffed animal

...for only three dollars? Even at Walmart, and even if you get Great Value, that combination is going to set you back $6 or $7.

And I wouldn't put Great Value Hand Lotion anywhere near my nads. I'm not even too happy about using it on my hands. Sometimes I work outside in the cold, and they get dry and scaly. My hands! My hands!

Imagine poor unfortunate Reese, thinking, "Man, if I wait until I get to Toronto, I could be priced out of my clever, self-loving, furry device [I'm imagining one of those pink foxes, but you can imagine whatever animal you want...it's a free country [that's what Reese thought anyway]]"

"3 * $1.25! I'd have to let one part of the triumvirate** go! And the fox is what makes it! I better get on the case, right here, right now."

So, that's how it probably happened.

**I know Reese wasn't thinking "triumvirate", he was probably thinking "threesome", unless of course he has video on his phone of Matt, Neve, and Denise, and then he wasn't really thinking it, he was more just kinda watching it. Which is why these younger people aren't anywhere near as creative as Gen X, because sure, we got to see naked ladies once, but then the teachers found out and they took all the pictures away to save our young minds, but unfortunately all our curiosities had been piqued, but we would have nothing but our imaginations for the next 8 years (and in Ed's case, even longer).
   27. Moeball Posted: February 12, 2020 at 08:56 PM (#5924025)
Reese's Pieces and hanging out - I will never think of these in the same way again!

And what was the poor dude supposed to do? I mean, he was at a strip mall, after all, so he did!

Thank you all for the comedy gold in this thread, I needed this!
   28. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: February 12, 2020 at 09:25 PM (#5924028)
Reese's Pieces and hanging out - I will never think of these in the same way again!
Should have worn his Reese’s Cup.
   29. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: February 12, 2020 at 09:26 PM (#5924030)
As a catcher, McGuire doesn't have a FIP. But his FAP is 1.000.
   30. Steve Parris, Je t'aime Posted: February 12, 2020 at 09:31 PM (#5924034)
Actually with his shirt "barely covering his genitals," all he exposed was "just the FIP."
   31. Snowboy Posted: February 12, 2020 at 10:18 PM (#5924045)
According to the report ... cops say after they rolled up to the parking lot, they saw McGuire with his shirt "barely covering his genitals" and his sweatpants around his ankles.


Smitty thought he was being helpful, as he observed the situation and shouted while walking by "BUT DON'T YOU JUST HATE PANTS!?" however the officers apparently do not still live in their parent's basement and discuss baseball on the interwebs, and did not understand the comment.

This may have actually aggravated the situation for McGuire, who has now been charged with a seventh degree misdemeanor of wearing sweatpants in the 21st century, and Smitty has not been heard from since, although the undercarriages of all rocks have not yet been checked, per TMZ.
   32. Itchy Row Posted: February 12, 2020 at 10:46 PM (#5924051)
David Cone is enjoying this story from the replica Shea Stadium bullpen he built at his house. Really, really, vigorously enjoying it.
   33. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: February 12, 2020 at 10:51 PM (#5924052)
“Knock, knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Police, Mr. McGuire.”

“Umm...McGuire who?”

“McGuire you jerking off in your car, dude??”
   34. SoSH U at work Posted: February 12, 2020 at 11:06 PM (#5924055)
David Cone is enjoying this story from the replica Shea Stadium bullpen he built at his house.


And the late Dick Williams would have liked the cut of his, well, cut.

   35. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: February 12, 2020 at 11:29 PM (#5924059)
When will the Blue Jays give him his full release?
   36. Walt Davis Posted: February 13, 2020 at 12:29 AM (#5924064)
This counts as a spoiler alert if you haven't seen the first episode of season 2 of "Sex Education."

Meanwhile, in grad school, one of our older professors told me a story about how he had recently encountered a young woman masturbating in her car. He was sufficiently flabbergasted he kinda stared and, rather than embarrassed, she gave him a "what are you looking at old man" look and he mumbled an apology and went on his way.
   37. Howie Menckel Posted: February 13, 2020 at 12:32 AM (#5924065)
David Cone is enjoying this story from the replica Shea Stadium bullpen he built at his house. Really, really, vigorously enjoying it.

I'll never be less than so proud that I graduated high school with one of Cone's, er, "objections of affection."
   38. It's regretful that PASTE was able to get out Posted: February 13, 2020 at 04:37 AM (#5924083)
My father, a lifelong truck driver, told me that when he drove over-the-road he would regularly see people—male and female—masturbating in their cars while driving. (PSA: The truck drivers can see everything.)
   39. David Nieporent (now, with children) Posted: February 13, 2020 at 08:22 AM (#5924090)
they noticed an "extremely pornographic video was playing on the screen."
An extremely pornographic video? Not just the regular kind of pornographic video?
   40. CraigK Posted: February 13, 2020 at 08:55 AM (#5924100)
i mean, softcore vs hardcore, probably.
   41. SoSH U at work Posted: February 13, 2020 at 09:10 AM (#5924106)

i mean, softcore vs hardcore, probably.


I was thinking man and woman vs. farm animals and amputees, but I guess your explanation works too.
   42. Nasty Nate Posted: February 13, 2020 at 09:33 AM (#5924112)
Nude skydiving, maybe.
   43. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: February 13, 2020 at 09:49 AM (#5924124)
An extremely pornographic video? Not just the regular kind of pornographic video?


I doubt this is what was going on here, but "extreme pornography" is actually a legal term of art in Great Britain.

It covers the following:

* Life-threatening acts.
* Serious injury to the anus, breasts, or genitals.
* Necrophilia.
* Bestiality.
* Non-consensual activity, real or simulated.

So now you know!
   44. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: February 13, 2020 at 12:09 PM (#5924187)
The porn video depicted the participants recycling... to the EXTREME.
   45. Zonk Begs Your Pardon, Mr Blago Posted: February 13, 2020 at 12:20 PM (#5924191)
The XXX Games?
   46. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: February 13, 2020 at 12:20 PM (#5924192)
The porn video depicted the participants recycling... to the EXTREME.
Well, just because he plays for the Blue Jays doesn't necessarily mean he's into Canadian porn.
   47. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: February 13, 2020 at 12:21 PM (#5924193)
So now you know!


I didn't need to know that. Ugh.
   48. Steve Parris, Je t'aime Posted: February 13, 2020 at 12:24 PM (#5924195)
Likely a misunderstanding as McGuire was listening to Extreme's 1990 album Pornograffitti. But he expressed his enthusiasm with more than words.
   49. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: February 13, 2020 at 12:50 PM (#5924208)
Reese McGuire was just living the lyric "How easy it would be to show me how you feel."
   50. Benji Gil Gamesh VII - The Opt-Out Awakens Posted: February 13, 2020 at 01:15 PM (#5924216)
They did imply that, at least when he exited the car, (It)'s a Monster.
   51. Never Give an Inge (Dave) Posted: February 13, 2020 at 04:15 PM (#5924277)

Reese McGuire was just living the lyric "How easy it would be to show me how you feel."

Close your eyes and just reach out your hand...
   52. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: February 13, 2020 at 04:47 PM (#5924286)
There was a hole in his heart that could only be filled by lewd exhibitionism.
   53. Itchy Row Posted: February 13, 2020 at 05:05 PM (#5924298)
One of the Extreme guys joined Van Halen. If McGuire had been watching Van Halen porn, “I’ll Wait” would have been very useful.
   54. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: February 13, 2020 at 07:08 PM (#5924323)
Van Halen porn looks like this. But without pants.

But leave Van Halen out of this. Eddie Van Halen has never been caught playing a little poundcake in the parking lot, because he has incredibly fast and nimble fingerwork.
   55. Smitty* Posted: February 13, 2020 at 07:54 PM (#5924330)
I’m right here Snowboy.

And it’s “don’t you hate pants”.
   56. Snowboy Posted: February 13, 2020 at 09:12 PM (#5924342)
[with arms open wide] Smiiiiiiiiiitttty!!!
   57. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: February 13, 2020 at 09:45 PM (#5924351)
[with arms open wide]
We've gone from Extreme to Van Halen to Creed. ####.
   58. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: February 13, 2020 at 09:54 PM (#5924353)
And it’s “don’t you hate pants”.

Welcome back!
   59. Smitty* Posted: February 14, 2020 at 07:56 AM (#5924378)
I never left, my hatred of pants just consumes most of my energy, leaving little left for posting more than highly sporadically
   60. Fancy Pants Handle on Altuve's Buzzer Posted: February 14, 2020 at 08:39 AM (#5924381)
[with arms open wide] Smiiiiiiiiiitttty!!!

You are braver than me, if you are willing to hug the guy not wearing pants.
   61. Smitty* Posted: February 14, 2020 at 08:52 AM (#5924382)
Look, guy with the fancy crazy handle (can’t bear to say the rest) we’ve been over this

I wear pants. If I didn’t have to wear them, my hatred wouldn’t burn so bright.
   62. Traderdave Posted: February 14, 2020 at 09:28 AM (#5924390)
A guy I knew in college was staggering home from the bars one night and stooped to take a leak behind a dumpster. Cop sees him and threatens to cite for public urination. Guy gets mouthy and argumentative, cop responds by arresting for public masturbation.
   63. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: February 14, 2020 at 10:39 AM (#5924403)
While the Sun is a trash rag, it did have a pretty good McGuire-related headline.
   64. the Centaur Nipple Paradox (CoB). Posted: February 14, 2020 at 11:24 AM (#5924411)
   65. Zonk Begs Your Pardon, Mr Blago Posted: February 14, 2020 at 12:13 PM (#5924420)
A guy I knew in college was staggering home from the bars one night and stooped to take a leak behind a dumpster. Cop sees him and threatens to cite for public urination. Guy gets mouthy and argumentative, cop responds by arresting for public masturbation.


Heh, well - could have been worse... buddy of mine got tapped on the shoulder while doing the same and when he turned around, well.... can't stop the stream. The ticket got much worse because it involved not mouthiness, but, ummm... wet 5-0 trousers and shoes.

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