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Thursday, August 02, 2007

Potty-mouth Pete Rose strikes out at camp for kids

“As soon as the offending word is out of your mouth, replace it with another that’s likely to catch those little ears. “Peanut butter!” “Scooby-dooby-doo!” “Sugar-booger!”...And hurry, they’re all ####### running in the third at Aqueduct!

“It was a complete embarrassment,” said Staff Sgt. Steven Tischer, commander of the Colerain-Highland Ridge U.S. Army Recruiting Station that sponsored the baseball camp for 7- to 14-year-olds. “You don’t swear in front of kids, that’s just common sense. He dropped the F-bomb and the S-bomb. He told them winning is everything and if you get second place you’re just losers.”

...“His comment that he was (bleeped) off that Marge didn’t leave him any money in her will and that she left it all to the zoo. His comment about how Marge loved to smoke and she would have smoked in her sleep if someone was there to hold her cigarette all night. His comment that he saw Joe DiMaggio in the shower and he saw more of him than Marilyn Monroe ever did. His comment on a good friend of his that was a gambler - and how I could go on.”

Thanks to Shysterball.

Repoz Posted: August 02, 2007 at 01:14 PM | 78 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
Tags: history, reds

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1. Matt Garza smells it deep (Mr. Tapeworm) Posted: August 02, 2007 at 01:27 PM (#2467272)

I, for one, am tired of all these people like Chris Truby and Marge Schott leaving their money to zoos.

2. Dag Nabbit at ExactlyAsOld.com Posted: August 02, 2007 at 01:34 PM (#2467280)

Pete, it's only funny when Matt Rauseo does it.

3. Dr Love Posted: August 02, 2007 at 01:37 PM (#2467288)

Who the #### gets Pete Rose to talk to ####### kids? I don't care if they're a bunch of little shits, you shouldn't have that ####### ####### giving them any god damn advice.

4. Frisco Cali Posted: August 02, 2007 at 01:47 PM (#2467306)

I am in complete agreement with Dr Love

5. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: August 02, 2007 at 01:55 PM (#2467316)

The last line in the article positively resounds in my head with Kent Brockman's voice.

6. Swedish Chef Posted: August 02, 2007 at 02:00 PM (#2467325)

Well, I hope the kids at least got some solid betting advice from him.

7. SoSH U at work Posted: August 02, 2007 at 02:04 PM (#2467330)

Wow, that's got to be one of the few times in Peter Bronson's career where the subject of his piece is actually a bigger ######### than he is.

8. Loren F. Posted: August 02, 2007 at 02:10 PM (#2467333)

Every year, Pete Rose seems like more and more of an #######.

9. Hang down your head, Tom Foley Posted: August 02, 2007 at 02:15 PM (#2467337)

Daddy, why was Pete Rose showering with Joe DiMaggio?

10. Harveys Wallbangers

Posted: August 02, 2007 at 02:20 PM (#2467338)

Anyone care to imagine Pete when he's Feller's age?

11. DL from MN Posted: August 02, 2007 at 02:32 PM (#2467349)

I can't wait to see who they invite to the football camp - Michael Vick and Pacman Jones?

12. John DiFool2 Posted: August 02, 2007 at 02:34 PM (#2467352)

It's finally happened Pete, you've lost your mind...

LaaLaa DaaDeeLaaHaaLaa...

13. Eraser-X is emphatically dominating teh site!!! Posted: August 02, 2007 at 02:38 PM (#2467354)

Actually, inviting Pete Rose to a camp that the U.S. Army is hosting to recruit 7 year-olds seems extremely appropriate to me...

14. Bunny Vincennes Posted: August 02, 2007 at 02:39 PM (#2467359)

DL from MN,

That was hilarious in #11.

Hopefully your commute today didn't totally suck balls after the whole bridge thing.

15. JC in DC Posted: August 02, 2007 at 02:40 PM (#2467365)

Actually, inviting Pete Rose to a camp that the U.S. Army is hosting to recruit 7 year-olds seems extremely appropriate to me...

Man, you hate the country.

16. Eraser-X is emphatically dominating teh site!!! Posted: August 02, 2007 at 02:52 PM (#2467387)

:)

Sorry, I lost two 17 year-olds this year to recruiters who convinced them to drop out of school to join the National Guard because "it's strictly a domestic body--there is zero chance you will be sent overseas".

I love my country, I just hate the people in charge. Especially Ted Kennedy, WTF is wrong with that guy?

Actually, if I had time, I would re-write this article--it should practically write itself--Ted Kennedy addressing a group of 7-14 year old campers

17. alio intuito Posted: August 02, 2007 at 02:54 PM (#2467390)

Anyone care to imagine Pete when he's Feller's age?

What are the odds on Rose making it to Feller's age?

18. Esoteric Posted: August 02, 2007 at 02:55 PM (#2467392)

#15 - JC

No, no...think of it as the Army's version of Scared Straight.

19. DL from MN Posted: August 02, 2007 at 03:03 PM (#2467398)

Luckily my commute doesn't come near that bridge. It's going to be difficult to get to a Twins game though.

20. The Buddy Biancalana Hit Counter Posted: August 02, 2007 at 03:10 PM (#2467405)

I can't wait to see who they invite to the football camp - Michael Vick and Pacman Jones?

Jason Whitlock's a possibility. He got "gigantic turd" printed in the Star this morning. Adjusted for context, that's fairly impressively profane.

21. Run Joe Run Posted: August 02, 2007 at 03:10 PM (#2467406)

I am with Dr. Love on this one. What did the Army expect of Pete Rose? Why would you be presenting him in front of camp kids? It makes no sense. The person who thought this would be a good idea should spend a weekend scrubbing garbage cans or whatever punishment Sgt. Hulka's big toe can think of.

- John Winger

22. Captain Joe Bivens, Elderly Northeastern Jew Posted: August 02, 2007 at 04:39 PM (#2467512)

I think you all should cut Pete some slack. We all have a different filter when we're drunk.

23. Zonk is now Unified Posted: August 02, 2007 at 04:44 PM (#2467517)

Anyone care to imagine Pete when he's Feller's age?

Wearing cement shoes at the bottom of some body of water due to unpaid gambling debts to the mob?

24. Boots Day Posted: August 02, 2007 at 04:47 PM (#2467520)

Just for the record, Pete Rose was a loser every year from 1985 to 1988.

25. Random Transaction Generator Posted: August 02, 2007 at 04:49 PM (#2467523)

Maybe Pete had a bet with someone on the number of times he could swear without getting tossed out of there on his ass...

26. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: August 02, 2007 at 04:49 PM (#2467524)

"His comment that he was (bleeped) off that Marge didn’t leave him any money in her will and that she left it all to the zoo."

I had not heard this. Is it just me, or is it really funny that she left her money to a bunch of monkeys after some of the racial remarks that she made?

27. kthejoker Posted: August 02, 2007 at 04:52 PM (#2467529)

So what does it remind you more of: Gary Cole's Career Day speech at the beginning of Talladega Nights, or LT's "Which leads me to my next point: don't smoke cracl" in The Waterboy?

Has anyone here ever been subjected to a really awkward speech like this one? The guy who came to give us our yearly sexual harrassment / discrimination course was pretty painful - made a lot of subtle "I won't touch men" homophobic jokes, etc.

One of my soccer coaches blasted us with a *ton* of consecutive F bombs once, but we were 15 or 16, so it was more funny than anything.

28. phredbird

Posted: August 02, 2007 at 04:53 PM (#2467531)

there are still people, esp. from cincinnati, that just think pete got a bum rap; they rationalize him into respectability -- 'he only ever bet to win' -- that sort of thing.
maybe some higher up is from cincinnati and felt like a real scrappy guy like pete could do some good ... and didn't care what 'the media' had to say about rose. that's the thing that bothers me the most about him. he somehow manages to find the fools who swallow his line, and gets a gig, and keeps hanging around.

29. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: August 02, 2007 at 05:47 PM (#2467561)

"Which leads me to my next point: don't smoke cracl" in The Waterboy?

Smoke cracl, pop!

30. Traderdave

Posted: August 02, 2007 at 05:56 PM (#2467584)

Marge left a large chunk to the zoo, but also pretty big bucks to Children's Hospital, her alma mater and a few other schools.

31. Cowboy Popup Posted: August 02, 2007 at 06:01 PM (#2467591)

Has anyone here ever been subjected to a really awkward speech like this one?

Isn't wasn't awkward except for the fact that we all had to fight from laughing, but after losing to some DI pitching prospect who pitched for our rival (4-1 I think), my high school baseball coach began his speech with "How did it feel to have your bats shoved up your asses..."

I don't remember much after that because I was biting my lip so hard to not burst out laughing.

32. Tom Goes to the Ballpark Posted: August 02, 2007 at 06:03 PM (#2467596)

This is my bat.
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My bat is my best friend.
It is my life.
I must master it as I must master my life.
My bat, without me, is useless.
Without my bat, I am useless.
I must swing my bat true.
I must hit straighter than my opponent,
who is trying to beat me.
I must beat him before he beats me.
I will.

My bat and myself know that what counts in baseball,
is not the foul balls,
the length of our fly outs,
nor the contact we make.
We know it is the hits that count.
We will hit.

My bat is human, even as I, because it is my career.
Thus, I will learn it as a brother.
I will learn its length,
its weight,
its grain,
its color,
its handle and its barrel.
I will ever guard it against
the ravages of weather and damage.
I will keep my bat tarred and ready,
even as I am eye-blacked and ready.
We will become part of each other.
We will.

Before Abner Doubleday I swear this creed.
My bat and myself are the defenders of my team.
We are the masters of our opponents.
We are the saviors of my season.
So be it, until there is no opponent,
but playoffs.

33. Martin Hemner

Posted: August 02, 2007 at 06:04 PM (#2467600)

His comment that he was (bleeped) off that Marge didn’t leave him any money in her will and that she left it all to the zoo.

What exactly was Pete's relationship with Marge that he feels excluded from her will? I'm having some ugly thoughts right now..

34. McLovin Posted: August 02, 2007 at 06:08 PM (#2467617)

Is it just me, or is it really funny that she left her money to a bunch of monkeys after some of the racial remarks that she made?

It's just you, you sick ####.

35. smileyy Posted: August 02, 2007 at 06:18 PM (#2467660)

Peter Bronson is an absolute *($#. I'm not sure if you really want your lead editor on the opinion page (which he was before switching to being a local columnist) to admit that he can't pass the 5th grade proficiency test.

36. Yeaarrgghhhh Posted: August 02, 2007 at 06:24 PM (#2467678)

So what does it remind you more of: Gary Cole's Career Day speech at the beginning of Talladega Nights, or LT's "Which leads me to my next point: don't smoke cracl" in The Waterboy?

More like the crackhead career day speech on the Chappelle Show..."Drugs is all around you kids. Look at that magic marker cap. What the hell you think that is, some kind of crayon? Take it off and sniff it and get high."

37. The Non-Catching Molina (sjs1959) Posted: August 02, 2007 at 06:38 PM (#2467727)

What exactly was Pete's relationship with Marge that he feels excluded from her will? I'm having some ugly thoughts right now..

AAAAHHHHHH! Must....cleanse....brain......

38. J. Lowenstein Apathy Club Posted: August 02, 2007 at 06:41 PM (#2467740)

Jason Whitlock's a possibility. He got "gigantic turd" printed in the Star this morning. Adjusted for context, that's fairly impressively profane.

Whitlock prints a giant turd in the Star every morning. I am unimpressed.

39. Zonk is now Unified Posted: August 02, 2007 at 06:48 PM (#2467763)

What exactly was Pete's relationship with Marge that he feels excluded from her will? I'm having some ugly thoughts right now..

Ugly, perhaps... but from a karmic perspective, it certainly make sense.

40. vortex of dissipation Posted: August 02, 2007 at 07:04 PM (#2467832)

“It was a complete embarrassment,” said Staff Sgt. Steven Tischer, commander of the Colerain-Highland Ridge U.S. Army Recruiting Station that sponsored the baseball camp for 7- to 14-year-olds..."He told them winning is everything and if you get second place you’re just losers.”

It's the Army. In combat, if you get second place, you are a loser. Big time.

41. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: August 02, 2007 at 07:05 PM (#2467835)

"What exactly was Pete's relationship with Marge that he feels excluded from her will? I'm having some ugly thoughts right now.."

Do the Hustle!

42. Zonk is now Unified Posted: August 02, 2007 at 07:07 PM (#2467845)

It's the Army. In combat, if you get second place, you are a loser. Big time.

What about the cliche about close only counting in horseshoes and hand grenades?

43. Tike Redman's Shattered Dreams Posted: August 02, 2007 at 07:32 PM (#2467931)

What exactly was Pete's relationship with Marge that he feels excluded from her will? I'm having some ugly thoughts right now..

I'm sure he went into second base headfirst.

44. Edmundo got dem ol' Kozma blues again mama

Posted: August 02, 2007 at 07:36 PM (#2467949)

Even for Pete Rose, I hope he didn't spike the ball as he left first base.

45. vortex of dissipation Posted: August 02, 2007 at 07:42 PM (#2467967)

Even for Pete Rose, I hope he didn't spike the ball as he left first base.

Damn. I should have known enough not to eat lunch while reading this thread...

46. haven Posted: August 02, 2007 at 07:49 PM (#2467998)

I love my country, I just hate the people in charge. Especially Ted Kennedy, WTF is wrong with that guy?

Ted Kennedy is in charge of the country? Did I miss something?

47. vortex of dissipation Posted: August 02, 2007 at 07:51 PM (#2468009)

This is my bat.
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My bat is my best friend.
It is my life...

Brilliant. On the DVD of Random Harvest, there's ten minute short made in 1942 called Marines in the Making, that ends with a Marine reciting "My Rifle". It's less corny than it appears written on paper, given the circumstances of the time.

48. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: August 02, 2007 at 07:51 PM (#2468010)

I'm sure he went into second base headfirst.

Head first into second
Head first into third
I tell you now chillun
Lemme give you the word
I'm the mack daddy gamer
Got Marge in the posse
Head first into home
Just like I did Fosse

49. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: August 02, 2007 at 08:47 PM (#2468225)

"Ted Kennedy is in charge of the country? Did I miss something?"

Naw, he only runs it on alternate Tuesdays. The rest of the week, it's a committee made up of Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky, and Annie Sprinkle.

50. Eraser-X is emphatically dominating teh site!!! Posted: August 02, 2007 at 08:49 PM (#2468231)

Ted Kennedy is in charge of the country? Did I miss something?

No, but he is one of the many people in charge that I hate.

His work on NCLB was pretty horrific.

The rest of the week, it's a committee made up of Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky, and Annie Sprinkle.

If only...

51. 44magnum Posted: August 02, 2007 at 10:54 PM (#2468470)

This is hysterical. I learned all kinds of bad words as a 7 & 8 year old reading "Charlie Hustle" Petes diary of the '74 season. I probably read that book 20 times. Might be mis-remembering, but pretty sure there's a good beaver shooting entry in it. Pete does tell of a night he went out to a fancy dinner with an urbane Joe Morgan who admonished the Hit King for his premature attempt to pour the wine sitting on the table. "Let it breathe, Pete! You gotta let it breathe!"

52. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: August 02, 2007 at 11:27 PM (#2468484)

"His comment that he was (bleeped) off that Marge didn’t leave him any money in her will and that she left it all to the zoo."
I had not heard this. Is it just me, or is it really funny that she left her money to a bunch of monkeys after some of the racial remarks that she made?

She wanted to take care of her million dollar tiggers.

53. Ozzie's gay friend Posted: August 03, 2007 at 01:39 AM (#2468619)

Why do people hate Whitlock?

Annie Sprinkle was HOT!

54. Exploring Leftist Conservatism since 2008 (ark..) Posted: August 03, 2007 at 08:04 AM (#2468885)

I love my country, I just hate the people in charge. Especially Ted Kennedy, WTF is wrong with that guy?

Of all the numbnuts you could have chosen, you pick bloated, useless, Ted F. Kennedy?

55. Dr. Vaux Posted: August 03, 2007 at 09:30 AM (#2468895)

Hating Ted Kennedy is about the most useless thing possible.

56. Dr. Vaux Posted: August 03, 2007 at 09:31 AM (#2468896)

But I love Eraser-X anyway.

57. RobertMachemer Posted: August 03, 2007 at 09:57 AM (#2468900)

No, seriously, why would Pete Rose have seen Joe Dimaggio showering?

58. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: August 03, 2007 at 11:17 AM (#2468906)

In the steam room of the exclusive 35-Game Hitting Streak men's club.

But this is why the club had to ban Pete Rose and his cellphone.

59. Starring RMc as Bradley Scotchman Posted: August 03, 2007 at 12:02 PM (#2468920)

I'm getting awfully copulating tired of this excrement. If that penis-vacuumer can't stop all the diety-cursed swearing, he can kiss my gluteus maximus! Jesus of Nazareth, what a stupid Oedipal vulva!

Urinate on this!

60. alilisd Posted: August 03, 2007 at 03:02 PM (#2469052)

If Joe Morgan were urbane, he would have gone to a restaurant where the server would pour the wine into a proper glass where it would aerate. It certainly isn't going to do so in a bottle.

61. Harveys Wallbangers

Posted: August 03, 2007 at 03:15 PM (#2469063)

Post 61:

Actually, if one wishes they can have the wine decanted using, of course, a decanter. It's a piece of glass typically wide at the bottom and narrow at the top. Decanting wine is specific to red wines. The lighter wines, say a rioja, typically don't require decanting. But if you are drinking a Chauteneuf de Pape or California Zinfandel you would likely employ a decanter.

It depends on the preferences of the primary wine drinker at the table and his or her knowledge with the wine in question. Decanting encourages oxygenation and some wines suffer from this process. A very old wine has a very limited shelf life coming out of the bottle (less than 15 minutes in some cases) so decanting would be counterproductive.

62. CookieMonster! Posted: August 03, 2007 at 03:57 PM (#2469088)

She wanted to take care of her million dollar tiggers.

Tigga.

63. CookieMonster! Posted: August 03, 2007 at 03:59 PM (#2469091)

Cookie Monster get in trouble for this all the time. ####### kids not know how to keep mouths shut after hear tirade over payscale. Seriously, why Kermit get more than Cookie Monster? He barely on show. Name recognition? He hack.

64. Eraser-X is emphatically dominating teh site!!! Posted: August 03, 2007 at 04:09 PM (#2469104)

I guess I just focus more on Ted Kennedy because as a Democrat, I held some faith that he wouldn't be a major part of the dismantling of the American public educational system.

I expect that from the worst president of the last century or so and his pals, but not from Ted.

65. Harveys Wallbangers

Posted: August 03, 2007 at 04:12 PM (#2469110)

Cookie, Cookie, Cookie:

If you stopped stealing everyone's dessert cookie at the company commissary the execs might react differently. Just too many anonymous complaints to HR.

That and Kermit is a schmoozer. Everybody loves the little green gay.... I mean guy. Works the room like nobody else.

66. yb125 Posted: August 03, 2007 at 04:15 PM (#2469116)

I'm sure he went into second base headfirst.

Ok does anyone know what this means? I just finished with Arrested development season 3 dvds, and they mention it on the commentary but no answer is given.

67. Boots Day Posted: August 03, 2007 at 04:27 PM (#2469134)

The last time I was in a nice restaurant, I bought a $36 bottle of wine, which ended up having a twist-off bottle cap on it. The wine wasn't bad, but, jeez, a bottle cap! I felt like Kermit the Frog.

68. Harveys Wallbangers

Posted: August 03, 2007 at 04:35 PM (#2469141)

Boots:

It's acceptable to have a screw cap as it has been proven that the screw cap provides a more consistent and sturdy seal than cork. Many Austrialian wineries now employ the screw cap. You can expect to see more in the next few years.

69. Boots Day Posted: August 03, 2007 at 04:44 PM (#2469152)

Harvey: This was an Australian shiraz, from 2004, so you're right about that. But it's going to take a long time for me to see a screw cap as anything other than low-class. It's like drinking a bottle of Tab.

70. Harveys Wallbangers

Posted: August 03, 2007 at 04:49 PM (#2469158)

Boots:

Hogue Cellars completed a 30-month study comparing natural and synthetic cork closures with the Stelvin screw caps, their findings suggest significant benefits in utilizing screw caps over either natural or synthetic cork. Screw caps ensure a taint-free wine that offers consistent aging, maintained flavor and freshness with optimum quality control.

71. Traderdave

Posted: August 03, 2007 at 05:10 PM (#2469182)

Screw caps will be high class in the not-too-distant future. Ever pay $100 (or more) for a wine that is corked? Corked wine tastes like dirty socks. Screw caps eliminate that risk and many high end producers are actively headed that way because they know that consumers are more willing to pay up when they can be certain of the quality.

72. Harveys Wallbangers

Posted: August 03, 2007 at 05:16 PM (#2469192)

Trader:

Two years ago I had an Arietta Cab that had gone bad in the bottle. And that's just one of number of instances. So I welcome our new ScrewTop Overlords.

(Did I write that correctly? I have seen that type phrase several times and it seemed appropriate)

73. Who is Karim Garcia? Posted: August 03, 2007 at 05:21 PM (#2469200)

I seem to remember the late, lamented Liz Renay vouching for the monolithicality of Joe D...

74. Kurt Posted: August 03, 2007 at 05:37 PM (#2469212)

The last time I was in a nice restaurant, I bought a $36 bottle of wine, which ended up having a twist-off bottle cap on it. The wine wasn't bad, but, jeez, a bottle cap! I felt like Kermit the Frog.

IMO Steve Martin's finest performance. So, did you smell the bottlecap?

75. covelli chris p Posted: August 03, 2007 at 06:21 PM (#2469280)

Corked wine tastes like dirty socks.

i don't know much about wine, but oxidized beer is described as tasting like cardboard. is that what you're talking about?

the way my uncle ensures a good seal on beers and meads that he plans on cellaring is by using a regular crown cap and then dipping the neck of the bottle in wax. of course, this is probably not efficient on a large scale.

76. Sexy Lizard Posted: August 03, 2007 at 06:36 PM (#2469316)

My wine snob friends are looking forward to the day when we get past screwcaps and go straight to boxes, which *really* keep wines in good shape.

77. CrosbyBird Posted: August 03, 2007 at 07:48 PM (#2469534)

(Did I write that correctly? I have seen that type phrase several times and it seemed appropriate)

Close enough. The basic format is "I, for one, welcome our new <word or phrase> overlords."

It's from the Simpsons originally. Kent Brockman (the reporter) sees the image of an ant blown up onto the screen by his head and comes up with this gem:

"Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over -- 'conquered' if you will -- by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves."

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Potty-mouth Pete Rose strikes out at camp for kids

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