Gadzooks, that computer is no Frederick R. Ewing!

Holy one-line paragraphs batman, they've invented a robot Plaschke!

It isn't the purpose of college sports information desks to write game stories from an objective point of view. They write about the home school and all its glory (even when there is none). You don't go to the GW website to find the game story of the perfect game thrown against them. Maybe some others would have handled it differently, but this really isn't a terribly interesting case of burying the lede. SIDs have never cared about the lede if it involved the opponent.

Tom Gately came up short on the rubber

That don't sound right.

Twenty-seven Colonials came to the plate and the Virginia pitcher vanquished them all

The computer wins!

I wouldn't normally quote so extensively, but it seems appropriate here:

GW story:

The George Washington baseball team held No. 1 Virginia to just two runs on Tuesday evening at Davenport Field but were unable to complement the strong pitching performance at the plate, falling 2-0.

GW (7-18) pitchers Tommy Gately, Kenny O'Brien and Craig Lejeune combined to hold Virginia (25-2) to just two runs on six hits. The top-ranked Cavaliers entered the game batting .297 as a team and averaging over seven runs per contest.

Gately got the start for GW and pitched three innings, allowing just three hits and two earned runs with one strikeout. He worked his way out of a bases-loaded jam in the bottom of the third by inducing two pop outs.

Both Virginia runs were scored in the bottom of the fourth inning after Gately exited the game. Ryan Levine led off the frame with a single and Kenny Swab followed with a walk to put two on with no outs.

O'Brien relieved Gately and allowed a bunt single to Kenny Swab to load the bases. Virginia would score their first run after Reed Gragnini reached on a fielders choice. Another run would score via a balk but O'Brien escaped the inning without any further damage and allowed just two hits over the next three innings.

O'Brien worked his way out of a jam after Virginia got a man on third base with no outs in the seventh inning. John Barr led off the inning with a walk, then stole second and advanced to third on an error. A heads-up play by shortstop Justin Albright, in which he made a accurate throw to catcher Jimmy Best on a fielders choice, kept the score at 2-0. LeJeune added a 1-2-3 eighth inning.

The two runs were all the Cavaliers would need as starting pitcher Will Roberts was perfect on the mound, striking out 10 batters en route to the eighth nine-inning perfect game in NCAA Division I (since 1957) history and the first since 2002.

The Colonials will resume Atlantic 10 Conference play on Friday afternoon when they welcome the Saint Joseph's Hawks to Barcroft Park for a three-game series. First pitch in game one is scheduled for 3:00 pm.

Now, the robostory (version for GW fans, taken from TFA):

Kenny O'Brien did his best to change the outcome, but the sophomore couldn't will George Washington past Virginia as the Colonials lost 2-0 at Davenport Field on Tuesday.

Kenny O'Brien gave the Cavaliers fits on the mound. Virginia managed just three hits off of the Colonials' pitcher, who allowed no earned runs, walked two and struck out one during his four innings of work.

Twenty-seven Colonials came to the plate and the Virginia pitcher vanquished them all, pitching a perfect game. He struck out 10 batters while recording his momentous feat. W. Roberts got Ryan Thomas to ground out for the final out of the game.

Tom Gately couldn't get it done on the rubber for George Washington, taking a loss. He went three innings, walked two, struck out one, and allowed two runs.

The Cavaliers went up for good in the fourth, scoring two runs on a fielder's choice and a balk.

Chassbot 2000: UNSUBSTANTIATED ACCUSATION PRECLUDES DISTRIBUTION OF PRECIOUS METALS TO AGED HUMANOID, MR PRESIDENT

I assumed this article was going to be about Robothal outscooping those puny human beat reporters.

Both Virginia runs were scored in the bottom of the fourth inning after Gately exited the game. Ryan Levine led off the frame with a single and Kenny Swab followed with a walk to put two on with no outs.

O'Brien relieved Gately and allowed a bunt single to Kenny Swab to load the bases.

I may just be a lowly human, and not even a reporter, but this feat strikes me as unlikely.

Maybe Virginia has two Kenny Swabs?

I still think that machine shouldn't give up its day job.

I filed a Media Bug error report about this story here. NPR responded by changing the headline to "Robot sportswriter outperforms human," which isn't much better. They haven't yet acknowledged that the human was not trying to do the same thing as the "robot," so comparing them is unfair. It's like saying, "Car making robot outperforms human," the human being a 7th grader who got a B on her algebra test while the car making robot made no mistakes all day.

All that said, and taking into account that a sports information office is mainly concerned with talking about the home team, that's a terrible press release. I mean, it's a perfect game. You talk about it.

All that said, and taking into account that a sports information office is mainly concerned with talking about the home team, that's a terrible press release. I mean, it's a perfect game. You talk about it.

Sort of like the Harvard Crimson did back in '72:

McGOVERN ROUTS NIXON

Putting the fears of his backers behind him, Senator George McGovern (D-SD) scored a decisive victory over President Nixon to win the state in last night's election. He also won a victory of historic proportions in the second presidential election held in our Nation's Capital, in an overwhelming display of support from those citizens who have had the most intimate knowledge of both candidates throughout the years.

With the final returns from Barnstable County just in before daybreak, the heroic World War II fighter pilot won 54.2% of the state, his best showing ever. Linda Jenness gathered 10,600 votes in her first campaign, while the incumbent gathered just over 45% in his final race before mandatory retirement.

In related news, the Patriots looked to recover from last week's narrow loss to the Baltimore Colts while they prepare for Sunday's trip to Miami, with memories of their stirring victory over the NFC powerhouse Washington Redskins from early October still fresh in their minds. Quarterback Jim Plunkett's people remain bursting at the seams with pride at their hero's heroic feat of heroism that day, and the Native American was among the first to congratulate the South Dakota Senator on his historic triumph in the state. "Senator McGovern is every bit as much a Hall of Famer as I am," the modest Plunkett proclaimed, discounting the election returns of the other 49 states as "irrelevant."