Baseball for the Thinking Fan

Login | Register | Feedback

btf_logo
You are here > Home > Baseball Newsstand > Discussion
Baseball Primer Newsblog
— The Best News Links from the Baseball Newsstand

Friday, August 17, 2007

The Smoking Gun: Bonds Sold Steroids To Nuns

Jonathan Lee Riches© exposes the truth!

Meet Jonathan Lee Riches. The federal prisoner/habitual litigant recently scored headlines with his insane $63 billion lawsuit against Michael Vick (who allegedly stole Riches’s dogs, sold them on eBay, and used the proceeds to buy weapons from the Iranian government). Riches, who is doing a decade in prison for fraud, is at it again, this time filing a loony—though quite funny—complaint again Barry Bonds, baseball commissioner Bud Selig, and Hank Aaron’s bat. In his lawsuit, Riches, pictured in the below mug shot, weaves an intricate conspiracy theory involving television ratings, steroids, the cracking of the Liberty Bell, Colombian narco-terrorists, and secretly recorded conversations for which journalists Robert Novak and Judith Miller have transcripts.

Brandon in MO (Yunitility Infielder) Posted: August 17, 2007 at 03:45 AM | 44 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: giants, steroids

Reader Comments and Retorts

Go to end of page

Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. EddieA Posted: August 17, 2007 at 04:17 AM (#2488493)
Curt Schilling said he admitted it.
   2. David Nieporent (now, with children) Posted: August 17, 2007 at 04:30 AM (#2488501)
The intro is false. Riches did not file a $63 billion lawsuit against Vick. He filed a $63 billion billion lawsuit against Vick.
   3. Guts Posted: August 17, 2007 at 04:45 AM (#2488506)
Why does he want the money in Swiss Francs? Jeez, the dollar is getting no respect these days.
   4. Hello Rusty Kuntz, Goodbye Rusty Cars Posted: August 17, 2007 at 05:28 AM (#2488526)
I printed the docket from Riches v. Bush from a few years ago. Whenever I feel sad, I read the list of defendants.
   5. Gambling Rent Czar Posted: August 17, 2007 at 05:37 AM (#2488529)
ah yesterdays was funnier.
I was in stitches last night. This one .... eeehhh
   6. EddieA Posted: August 17, 2007 at 06:06 AM (#2488539)
#4

I see he's sued Barry before.
   7. Best Regards, President of Comfort, Esq., LLC Posted: August 17, 2007 at 06:14 AM (#2488544)
I'm glad someone finally had the balls to sue the Magna Carta and the Lincoln Memorial.

As well as Skittles Candy.
   8. Meatwad Posted: August 17, 2007 at 07:20 AM (#2488555)
i hope this isnt true, if so, who the hell is his lawyer because that guy needs to be disbarred asap, and possibly be beaten. lwsuits like that just waste everyones time and money and tie up the courts
   9. Hang down your head, Tom Foley Posted: August 17, 2007 at 07:29 AM (#2488556)
Mr. Bonds gave mustard gas to Saddam Hussein.

Prove me wrong, kids. Prove me wrong.
   10. Hang down your head, Tom Foley Posted: August 17, 2007 at 07:30 AM (#2488557)
i hope this isnt true, if so, who the hell is his lawyer because that guy needs to be disbarred asap, and possibly be beaten. lwsuits like that just waste everyones time and money and tie up the courts

If there was a lawyer, his name would be near the upper right of the first page.
   11. John S Posted: August 17, 2007 at 07:36 AM (#2488559)
the sad thing is i've seen some of my peers right worse complaints... maybe more factually possible, but not as well thought out
   12. Brandon in MO (Yunitility Infielder) Posted: August 17, 2007 at 08:00 AM (#2488561)
Previous Riches© lawsuits (snipped from another board):

Jonathan Lee Riches© v. Jewish Mossad, et al.

The CIA and "Larry King Live" are also named as defendants in a suit alleging a "vast conspiracy to hijack my torso, three toes, and my constitutional rights and ship them, to a secret headquarters in Concord, New Hampshire." The amount in controversy is alleged to be 211, 429,399,000,000.00 trillion dollars.

Jonathan Lee Riches© v. Cindy Sheehan, et al.

This was filed in the federal court in San Francisco (Northern District of California) , the docket number is 3:07-cv-03695-MJJ (filed July 17, 2007). Nancy Pelosi is also named as a defendant. The complaint is not available online. From the case summary on PACER I can tell that it alleges violations of 42 U.S.C. 1983 (deprivation of civil rights by state official acting under color of law).

Jonathan Lee Riches© v. John Doe

A suit against "government snitches and informants" for 429,628,900,000,000.00 trillion dollars backed by gold and silver. Alleged government snitches include George W. Bush (interestingly, one of the counts alleged is "threatening the president"), "Sen. Arlen Spector", Richard Simmons, "gangs from Hong Kong," "Columbine High School", and "RFID Radio Chips." Alleges that said snitches "and George W. Bush joined allegiance to al-qaea on 12-6-2001 at a I-95 rest stop." Alleges that defendants "spun me in a washer-and-dryer" and "overdosed me with ethanol."

Jonathan Lee Riches© v. United States Military

A suit for .78^6 cents. Alleges that the "U.S. Military is in a vast conspiracy with Al-Qaeda for world control new world order" and set up secret concentration camps in a Wal-Mart parking lot "starting around June 25, 2001." Also accuses the military of stealing his Exxon/Mobil credit card to "finance their vehicles with fuel." Concludes with the statement that "I've been insured the military is sending radio waves to my brain as I write."

Jonathan Lee Riches© v. Identity Theft, Inc., et al.

Alleges identity thieves (including Jeb and George W. Bush, again pledging allegiance to al-qaeda) "received dental care in my name." Asks for 323,000,000,000,000.00 trillion dollars. States that "defendants snuck into this prison and cloned my brain."
   13. Pops Freshenmeyer Posted: August 17, 2007 at 12:05 PM (#2488582)
Bonds owns a steroid house in South Bend, Indiana.

I'm disappointed he didn't provide an address.
   14. Sir Stamford Raffles Posted: August 17, 2007 at 12:47 PM (#2488597)
Previous Riches© lawsuits (snipped from another board):


I'm surprised he hasn't sued Jose Canseco for ripping off his shtick.
   15. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: August 17, 2007 at 12:53 PM (#2488600)
I'm surprised he hasn't sued Jose Canseco for ripping off his shtick.

Nowadays they can sew that back on for you and it'll be working good as new.
   16. Spahn Insane Posted: August 17, 2007 at 01:27 PM (#2488621)
What the hell--I'll stir the pot a bit. This seems like it should be a parody, but apparently isn't.
   17. Crispix Attacksel Rios Posted: August 17, 2007 at 01:32 PM (#2488626)
AP - Selig Issues Cryptic Plan for "Sluggers' Tour of Sweden" - claims "it will solve all those problems"
   18. Justin T's pasta pass was not revoked Posted: August 17, 2007 at 01:46 PM (#2488641)
And if it doesn't, he'll next send George Clooney over there to "solve that thing."
   19. Spahn Insane Posted: August 17, 2007 at 01:55 PM (#2488647)
And if it doesn't, he'll next send George Clooney over there to "solve that thing."

Along with Rick Sutcliffe's daughter.
   20. Spahn Insane Posted: August 17, 2007 at 01:57 PM (#2488650)
That is, Rick Sutcliffe's daughter and George Clooney would go over there to "solve that thing." Though I suppose one could interpret it to mean he'd send George Clooney over there to "solve" Rick Sutcliffe's daughter.
   21. Francoeur Sans Gages (AlouGoodbye) Posted: August 17, 2007 at 02:08 PM (#2488662)
This never would have happened if baseball wore a tinfoil cap.
   22. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: August 17, 2007 at 04:12 PM (#2488787)
This seems like it should be a parody, but apparently isn't.
Despite Boduljak's assurances that he didn't use steroids, she forced him to go to the police station and give a urine test.

"[Forced] him"...riiiiiiiiiiight. What a man won't do to score ain't been listed.
   23. Spahn Insane Posted: August 17, 2007 at 04:46 PM (#2488808)
"[Forced] him"...riiiiiiiiiiight. What a man won't do to score ain't been listed.

Sweden--the nation where bad p0rn scripts come to life.
   24. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: August 17, 2007 at 04:46 PM (#2488809)
That's nothin'. Check out the list of defendants on another one of his lawsuits.
   25. Lord Finesse Posted: August 17, 2007 at 04:56 PM (#2488819)
waving automatic guns at nuns
   26. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: August 17, 2007 at 05:20 PM (#2488891)
Also, am I crazy, or does this guy look EXACTLY like Jack Wilson?
   27. Meatwad Posted: August 17, 2007 at 06:07 PM (#2489080)
i am way off today, is that stuff hes pulling actually real, someone please tell me
   28. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: August 17, 2007 at 06:44 PM (#2489188)
Sweden--the nation where bad p0rn scripts come to life.

Hee. Spell it "pørn" and you got added yuks.

Also, am I crazy, or does this guy look EXACTLY like Jack Wilson?

Agreed...the guy in your picture does look exactly like Jack Wilson. Eerie...
   29. Brandon in MO (Yunitility Infielder) Posted: August 17, 2007 at 06:46 PM (#2489192)
Apparently justice has been denied for Mr. Riches©

This case is frivolous and deserves no further judicial time. See Lee v. Clinton, 209
F.3d 1025 (7th Cir. 2000), and Gladney v. Pendleton Correctional Facility, 302 F.3d 773, 774
(7th Cir. 2002) (“Sometimes, however, a suit is dismissed because the facts alleged in the
complaint are so nutty (‘delusional’ is the polite word) that they're unbelievable, even
though there has been no evidentiary hearing to determine their truth or falsity.”)
For the foregoing reasons, this complaint is DISMISSED pursuant to 28 U.S.C. §
1915(e)(2)(B)(i).
ENTERED: August 16 , 2007


Barry Bonds gets away with selling steroids to nuns. For now.
   30. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: August 17, 2007 at 06:50 PM (#2489201)
"Agreed...the guy in your picture does look exactly like Jack Wilson. Eerie..."

RTFA!
   31. My name is Votto, and I love to get Moppo Posted: August 17, 2007 at 06:56 PM (#2489213)
I think it was the same guy from the Pride Festival photo gallery further down the page.
   32. Brandon in MO (Yunitility Infielder) Posted: August 17, 2007 at 06:57 PM (#2489222)
So Barry Bonds bench-pressed Jack Wilson?
   33. The District Attorney Posted: August 17, 2007 at 06:57 PM (#2489223)
Why does every psycho have the same "radio waves to the brain" story? Umm, I'm not implying it's true, I'm just wondering how they all come up with the same thing. How do diseased minds end up in the same place?
   34. Meatwad Posted: August 17, 2007 at 07:09 PM (#2489248)
no idea, but im dissipointed that bonds doesnt have a roid house in south bend, i wanted to visit
   35. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: August 17, 2007 at 07:29 PM (#2489324)
"How do diseased minds end up in the same place?"

The radio waves are all broadcasting the same story?
   36. base ball chick Posted: August 17, 2007 at 07:36 PM (#2489351)
whoaaaaaa

now we know what kevin REALLY looks like

hehhehheh

that has GOT to be the funniest thing i have ever read. i mean this guy should write for the onion. it's better and funnier than their stuff.
   37. Meatwad Posted: August 17, 2007 at 07:46 PM (#2489372)
could he be charged with fraud for all the bullshit suits he files? he wastes time and tax payer money with this crap
   38. Brandon in MO (Yunitility Infielder) Posted: August 17, 2007 at 08:07 PM (#2489449)
How much does it cost to photocopy a filed suit and type a response saying "Dismissed"?
   39. Pops Freshenmeyer Posted: August 17, 2007 at 08:21 PM (#2489478)
How much does it cost to photocopy a filed suit and type a response saying "Dismissed"?

Far less than bringing some disciplinary action which is unlikely to deter this mentally ill person in any case.
   40. Spahn Insane Posted: August 17, 2007 at 09:00 PM (#2489565)
Hee. Spell it "pørn" and you got added yuks.

Awesome. Too bad I'm not more versed in special keyboard characters.
   41. Meatwad Posted: August 17, 2007 at 09:01 PM (#2489571)
pops we gotta find that roid house
   42. Brandon in MO (Yunitility Infielder) Posted: August 17, 2007 at 09:32 PM (#2489598)
It's a bit of a missed joke that he didn't claim that Bonds' roid house was in Gary, Indiana.

This guy is 30, and due out in 2012. When he gets out, he should try running for political office.
   43. Swedish Chef Posted: August 17, 2007 at 09:38 PM (#2489603)
It's sad that video killed the sleazy Swedish movies, that and you couldn't get grants to produce them anymore.
   44. aberg Posted: August 17, 2007 at 10:38 PM (#2489647)
If I got arrested for having abnormally large muscles, I would not complain; I would be flattered and cocky.

You must be Registered and Logged In to post comments.

 

 

<< Back to main

BBTF Partner

Dynasty League Baseball

Support BBTF

donate

Thanks to
TedBerg
for his generous support.

You must be logged in to view your Bookmarks.

Hot Topics

NewsblogMinnie, Gil, Buck among 6 elected to Hall
(127 - 5:02am, Dec 08)
Last: Moeball

NewsblogAthletics manager search: Mark Kotsay, Joe Espada, Will Venable among A's candidates, per report
(5 - 4:57am, Dec 08)
Last: Doug Jones threw harder than me

NewsblogOn MLB-owned media, the players now barely exist. What’s behind that decision?
(7 - 4:38am, Dec 08)
Last: manchestermets

NewsblogFlushing University: Reality Sets In
(6 - 3:13am, Dec 08)
Last: Eric Clark

NewsblogNBA 2021-2022 Season Thread
(1297 - 2:41am, Dec 08)
Last: Athletic Supporter is USDA certified lean

NewsblogESPN's Tim Kurkjian is 2022 winner of BBWAA Career Excellence Award
(4 - 12:55am, Dec 08)
Last: Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams)

NewsblogMcCaffery: Jimmy Rollins, Ryan Howard passed Hall of Fame eye test
(105 - 11:35pm, Dec 07)
Last: The Yankee Clapper

NewsblogOT Soccer Thread - Domestic Cups, Congested Fixture Lists and Winter Breaks
(65 - 11:08pm, Dec 07)
Last: AuntBea odeurs de parfum de distance sociale

NewsblogRed Sox, Astros Interested In Trevor Story
(7 - 8:39pm, Dec 07)
Last: Walt Davis

Hall of MeritGil Hodges
(77 - 8:36pm, Dec 07)
Last: Howie Menckel

NewsblogWhat Does Endeavor, Silver Lake’s Push Into Baseball Mean For the Minors?
(16 - 5:14pm, Dec 07)
Last: Starring Bradley Scotchman as RMc

NewsblogMajor League Baseball is headed for a lockout. Is Ted Cruz the only one who can stop it?
(12 - 5:10pm, Dec 07)
Last: Starring Bradley Scotchman as RMc

NewsblogJose Marmolejos Signs With Tohoku Rakuten Golden Eagles
(2 - 3:55pm, Dec 07)
Last: What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face?

Sox TherapyLocked Out and Semi-Loaded
(20 - 3:19pm, Dec 07)
Last: Darren

NewsblogHere is Mets' preliminary list of managerial candidates
(13 - 2:13pm, Dec 07)
Last: RoyalsRetro (AG#1F)

Page rendered in 0.2632 seconds
48 querie(s) executed