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Baseball Primer Newsblog — The Best News Links from the Baseball Newsstand Wednesday, December 14, 2011Yahoo Sports: Passan: Darvish bidding process is a cloak and dagger affairThe deadline for bids on Darvish is today at 5 pm (eastern time). Passan makes the whole process sound like executives have spent several years in Australia bulding up an immunity to iocane powder just for this moment.
Matt Clement of Alexandria
Posted: December 14, 2011 at 03:02 PM | 66 comment(s)
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1. Anonymous Observer Posted: December 14, 2011 at 03:29 PM (#4016160)Inconceivable!
Darvish: "There is nothing nearby, not for miles."
"Then there will be no one to hear you scream."
My prediction: Yankees win bidding.
"What?"
"The Yankees aren't getting him. I'm explaining to you because you look nervous."
"I wasn't nervous. Maybe I was a little bit concerned but that's not the same thing."
Darvish: AS YOU WISH!!!
MLB: And what is that?
Darvish: I...am not right-handed.
Bautista smiled.
Darvish: "Why are you smiling?"
Bautista: "Because I know something you don't know."
Darvish: "What is that?"
Bautista: "I am not right-handed either."
Darvish: But it's so simple. All I have to do is devine what I know of you. Are you the type of man who would put a big offer in front of himself, or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the best offer in front of himself, knowing only a great fool would reach for what is offered. I am not a fool, so clearly I cannot take the offer in front of you. But you must have known I am not a fool, you would have counted on it, so clearly I cannot take the offer in front of me.
GM: "So, you've made you decision then?
Darvish to winning bidder: "Not remotely. You've bested the Yankees, which means you are incredibly rich, so rich that what you propose is a small fraction of what you can afford, so clearly I cannot take the offer in front of you. But you also bested the Rays, which means you have studied, and in studying, you should know that lock up all their talent early and cheaply, so clearly I cannot take the offer in front of me."
GM: "You're stalling. You're trying to trick me into giving something away. It won't work"
Darvish: "It has worked! You've given everything away. I know which offer to take."
GM: "Then make your choice."
Darvish: "I will, I choose...WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT?"
GM looks over his shoulder as Darvish adds a few zeroes to the contract in front of him
GM: "What is what?"
Darvish (chuckling): "Oh, nothing. I thought I saw Theo Epstein in that Starbucks"
GM: "What's so funny?"
Darvish: "I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's both sign the contract in front of me." (signs)
GM: "You guessed wrong"
Darvish: "You only think I guessed wrong. That's what's so funny. I added two zeroes while you weren't looking. You fell for both of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is never sign a Japanese pitcher, but only slightly less well known is never enter into negotiations without knowing Theo Epstein's exact location. HA HA HA HA!"
(Looks at the contract again, and faints)
Darvish Agent: "Who are you?"
GM: "I'm no one to be trifled with"
Agent: "But I saw him add zeroes to the contract when you weren't looking"
GM: "He added zeroes to the length, no the amount. I told him he should let you negotiate"
A6M2s or A6M5s?
Angels/A's/Mariners/Astros: Stop saying that!
WE LOVE YU!
YU THE MAN!
and the inevitable
SCREW YU!
WE LOVE YU!
YU THE MAN!
and the inevitable
SCREW YU!
If you want to compile a list of the 100 worst pun headlines of all time, the Washington Post will spot the New York tabloids 48 on the string and not even work up a sweat. At least the NY Post and the Daily News can come up with something actually clever once in a while, thanks to a certain lack of political correctness. The WP would treat us to about 365 variants a year of "Yu Know What? Yu Is Better Than We Thought", or "Here's Something Yu Didn't Know About Nats' Newest Acquistion". It's like a ####### Chinese water torture.
FWIW, here's some of them:
He had true honor from his home country team!
Yuuu! Yuuuu!
True honor saved him in the fireswamp!
Yuuu! Yuuuu!
His true team will try and continue without him!
Yuuuu! Yuuuu!
Now he runs to the enemy like a coward! He is the prince of filth! The prince of scum! The prince of slime!
Yuuuu! Yuuuuu!
"Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything."
Exec 1: "What about the W.O.U.F.'s?"
Exec 2: "Wilpons of Unusual Finances? I don't believe they exist."
Cashman: Oh good, my way... What's my way?
Steinbrenner: The bidding for Darvish is coming up. As soon as he's posted, you bid one hundred million dollars!
Cashman: My way's not very sportsmanlike.
The Grandson: What?
Grandpa: The Yankees don't get him. I'm explaining to you because you look nervous.
The Grandson: I wasn't nervous. Maybe I was a little bit "concerned" but that's not the same thing.
Ricketts: I have no checkbook.
Hoyer: Zambrano, tear his arms off.
Ricketts: Oh, you mean this checkbook.
Abbott: Yu
Costello: I'm not asking about the name of the tree he's leaning on, who's the guy?
Abbott: Yu
Costello: Did you become German today? I don't care what religion he practices, I want to know his name.
Abbott: That's what I've been saying, his name is Yu, Yu Darvish.
Costello: I don't even know what you just called me, Abbott, but it doesn't sound nice. I just want to know what to call that pitcher.
Abottt: Not you, Lou, Yu! Darvish!
Costello: I know I'm short Bud, but I'm not a dwarfish. I, I'm a bad boy.
Abbott: Oh what are you talking about now. I've just been answering your question about that Japanese person.
Costello: Someone's niece? You don't mean her?
Abbott: Don't be ridiculous, Herr's been out of the game for years. The man's name is Yu.
Costello: His name is you.
Abbott: Now you've got it.
Costello: His name is Abbott!
Abbott: No this pitcher has two arms, are you blind?
Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
Less snarkily, although they're two different players, I don't think a team that has just gone through the Matsuzaka Era would be interested in staring at Japanese League MLEs and trying to project a pitcher to their division again quite so soon.
I'd have been shocked if the Sox were in.
The ONLY reason I would disagree with you is Bobby Valentine. Given his experience with Japanese baseball I would not have been surprised if the Sox felt like "hey, maybe he can reach Darvish in a way Tito never could with Matsuzaka."
The "budget restriction" explanation is growing more and more powerful with each passing day.
Giants, Athletics, Marlins, Mets, Rays, Angels, Twins, Red Sox and Orioles
And the following teams did:
Yankees, Cubs, Rangers, Blue Jays
Princess Bride allusion.
Also, #38 is terrific.
They're now reporting that Toronto bid more than $50m.
Twitter is saying it's Texas or Toronto.
51. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: December 15, 2011 at 03:35 PM (#4017294)
I'm shocked this hasn't leaked yet.
I do not think that word means what you think it means.
I mean the actual team and dollars. Not speculation.
If Texas gets Darvish, Fielder likely goes to the North Side.
Everything is bigger in Texas.
Darvish to the Rangers
Don't I remember Darvish saying something once about being concerned about having a middle eastern and Japanese background and what kind of negativity that might bring in the U.S.? Could he not want to sign with Texas for that reason, rightfully or not?
Wait for it.
Trumpets play, the owner and manager on the balcony. Daniels enters.
Daniels: "My people, a month from now, out team will celebrate its 51st anniversary. On that sundown, I shall sign a pitcher who was once a foreigner like yourselves. But perhaps you shall not find him so foreign now. Would you like to meet him?"
People: "Yes!"
Daniels: "My people, meet the pitcher, Darvish!"
Darvish enters among the crowd to the sound of trumpets. The people bow.
Grandfather: "Darvish's emptyness consumed him. Although the law of the land gave Daniels the right to sign him, he did not want to play in Texas."
A melancholy Darvish looks up at Daniels.
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