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Thursday, January 17, 2008

Cards - Might Sign Juan Gonzalez

St. Louis Cardinals - Reportedly interested in signing OF Juan Gonzalez.

Criticizing moves is kinda like backseat driving, so I made a list of things that were better ideas than signing Juan Gonzalez in an attempt to be positive and proactive. In order to preserve the site’s bandwidth, I’m picking a random 7 of them.

Dan Szymborski Posted: January 17, 2008 at 07:37 PM | 100 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
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1. Zoppity Zoop Posted: January 17, 2008 at 07:53 PM (#2670571)

Looks like someone didn't want to wait.

2. Cowboy Popup Posted: January 17, 2008 at 08:03 PM (#2670579)

F'n brilliant!

3. Paul M Hates Krispy Kreme Posted: January 17, 2008 at 08:15 PM (#2670588)

You have outdone yourself this time, Dan. Was the ZiPS projection "Don't F*****g Bother"?

4. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: January 17, 2008 at 08:21 PM (#2670593)

That was hilarious, but I don't get the very last one, and I can't see what the ebay one is! Brilliant though.

5. Spahn Insane Posted: January 17, 2008 at 08:27 PM (#2670598)

This blows the famous "toast" TO entry away. (I might've thrown a Nigerian bank deposit email in there, but that's a nit not worth picking, since I wouldn't've come up with the rest.)

6. The importance of being Ernest Riles Posted: January 17, 2008 at 08:32 PM (#2670599)

What the hell is the print on those underoos?

7. The Artist Posted: January 17, 2008 at 08:33 PM (#2670601)

This is quite possibly the greatest achievement in DAn's history here.

8. AJMcCringleberry Posted: January 17, 2008 at 08:35 PM (#2670604)

Great stuff. Except for the 5th one, you suck.

9. North Side Chicago Expatriate Giants Fan Posted: January 17, 2008 at 08:41 PM (#2670609)

Brilliant Dan!

Although this one was pretty damn good too.

10. Mark S is still on target Posted: January 17, 2008 at 08:47 PM (#2670614)

What the hell is the print on those underoos?

Spongebob?

11. Mark S is still on target Posted: January 17, 2008 at 08:48 PM (#2670615)

That was hilarious, but I don't get the very last one

Compare the size of the opposing armies.

12. sotapop Posted: January 17, 2008 at 08:49 PM (#2670616)

the Scientology one has me forwarding the link. awesome.
No. 7: the charge of light brigade?
how long have you been stockpiling bad ideas for just this moment? :)
that reminds me -- the SNL bit for "Bad Ideas" jeans. "but I figured, when will I be in haiti again?"

13. Shooty would run in but these bone spurs hurt!

Posted: January 17, 2008 at 08:52 PM (#2670620)

I think we may be able to retire the primeys now.

14. Sparkles Peterson Posted: January 17, 2008 at 09:06 PM (#2670632)

I know people are going to claim this is because I'm a Cardinals fan (But I'm neither a fan of this potential transaction nor Mozeliak), but this was just overkill. Dan's simpler snark is better.

15. BDC

Posted: January 17, 2008 at 09:06 PM (#2670633)

Didn't Dan also do the venues for relocation piece (Medieval England and others)? I don't know where that one was first posted. Also RDF.

16. Russlan is not Russian Posted: January 17, 2008 at 09:12 PM (#2670635)

Best TO ever.

17. Guts

Posted: January 17, 2008 at 09:14 PM (#2670637)

This was pretty epic. My favorite TO is still the Kazmir-Zambrano trade, but this certainly beats the toast.

18. The importance of being Ernest Riles Posted: January 17, 2008 at 09:14 PM (#2670638)

I do hear Fallujah is beautiful this time of year.

19. strummer Posted: January 17, 2008 at 09:19 PM (#2670646)

"That was hilarious, but I don't get the very last one"

Compare the size of the opposing armies.

Not so quick. If those French are the General's Bodyguard Mounted Fuedal Knights and the English consist mainly of Pasants & Peasant Archers, they may be able to pull it off. Though if there are any Spearmen or pikeman amongst the English, it is all over.

20. Dingbat_Charlie

Posted: January 17, 2008 at 09:21 PM (#2670650)

an instant classic.

21. Hombre Brotani

Posted: January 17, 2008 at 09:24 PM (#2670657)

It's been five minutes, and I'm still laughing. Kudos! and kudos again!

22. Spahn Insane Posted: January 17, 2008 at 09:31 PM (#2670662)

16:

As you see, I disagree with you, though that was indeed a classic.

23. McCoy Posted: January 17, 2008 at 09:34 PM (#2670664)

That was hilarious, but I don't get the very last one

Compare the size of the opposing armies.

Strummer beat me to it but it looks like it is heavy cavalry charging into a line of longbowmen. Judging by how few casualties the knights are suffering they are either really highly armored and trained or the longbowmnen are newbies. The knights should be able to rout most of the bowmen without suffering too much and if that mass in the middle are simple spearmen it might cause them to rout as well, and if not you still have a good chance of positioning the knights in the rear of the spearmen. I've done it and I've had the computer do it to me. Nothing more infuriating then watching 20 heavy cav's go rampaging through your 600 man army.

24. Bourbon Samurai stays in the fight Posted: January 17, 2008 at 09:47 PM (#2670676)

The last one is supposed to be Agincourt, I think.

25. Never Give an Inge (Dave) Posted: January 17, 2008 at 09:49 PM (#2670684)

Compare the size of the opposing armies.

I don't know what that last one is supposed to be, but based on the flags, there appear to be 3 armies rather than 2. And the red arrow is pointing to the one stuck in the middle.

I do hear Fallujah is beautiful this time of year.

Maybe Dan meant the stupid thing was buying the return ticket back to Baltimore.

26. Spahn Insane Posted: January 17, 2008 at 10:04 PM (#2670691)

Judging by some parts of Baltimore I've seen, I might actually prefer Fallujah.

Be sure to show me around at the meetup.

27. McCoy Posted: January 17, 2008 at 10:10 PM (#2670695)

It isn't three armies it is two armies. English vs. French. The archers have the lion while the regular army has the more normal two lion flag.

28. Bad Doctor Posted: January 17, 2008 at 10:15 PM (#2670699)

Maybe Dan meant the stupid thing was buying the return ticket back to Baltimore.

I thought it was tolerating a flight with five small children. Or trying to get through customs with them, one or the other.

29. Dan Szymborski

Posted: January 17, 2008 at 10:30 PM (#2670709)

30. Dan Szymborski

Posted: January 17, 2008 at 10:35 PM (#2670712)

Relocation Bible

31. McCoy Posted: January 17, 2008 at 10:47 PM (#2670720)

Shoot, I was hoping you guys wouldn't notice they were longbowmen. In my attempts to get good terrain and a shot of both armies at once, I accidentally got the computer disorganized a bit. The knights would scatter the bowmen, but not the 5 units of heavy billmen.

Depends on the fear level of the knights, the billmens experience level, their generals penalties, and their formation. If the bill set themselves up in some sort of square you are screwed but if you face off against a bad general with bad penalties and he has his billmen chase after the knights all over the map then the knights could beat the billmen. Especially if the Knights are highly experienced and the general has some good bonuses.

32. The importance of being Ernest Riles Posted: January 17, 2008 at 10:47 PM (#2670721)

Be sure to show me around at the meetup.
Primer meetup in Fallujah?

33. Spahn Insane Posted: January 17, 2008 at 10:57 PM (#2670727)

Fallujah features "warning tracks" of a whole different stripe.

34. Swedish Chef Posted: January 17, 2008 at 10:59 PM (#2670729)

Not that French knights has a great record against English longbowmen througout history.

35. The Artist Posted: January 17, 2008 at 11:10 PM (#2670736)

Not that French knights has a great record against English longbowmen througout history.

Wait, you don't count Agincourt as a resounding success? ;)

36. Joshemy Posted: January 17, 2008 at 11:13 PM (#2670740)

I laughed at #5. That doesn't mean I don't hate you for it Dan.

37. MSI Posted: January 17, 2008 at 11:19 PM (#2670743)

It's one of God's cosmic ironies that Dan is an Orioles fan.

38. The Artist Posted: January 17, 2008 at 11:21 PM (#2670747)

By French standards it was.

I half to admit, I laughed at this. French military jokes are always good for a chuckle.

39. J. Michael Neal Posted: January 17, 2008 at 11:44 PM (#2670765)

Does someone have an archive of the really good TOs somewhere?

40. Moe Greene Posted: January 17, 2008 at 11:54 PM (#2670773)

I've been out of computer/video gaming for awhile... Which game is featured in the last photo?

41. Miserable, Non-Binary Candy is all we deserve CoB Posted: January 18, 2008 at 12:01 AM (#2670780)

Medieval II: Total War

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medieval_II:_Total_War

Hellofa game, great series ...

42. DJ Endless Grudge Can Use Multiple Slurp Juices Posted: January 18, 2008 at 12:10 AM (#2670790)

Have to ding you on this one. Fallujah doesn't actually have it's own airport. Closest you'd be able to manage is to fly in to Baghdad and then drive the rest of the way. It's not a long drive, if that's any consolation.

43. Walt Davis Posted: January 18, 2008 at 12:52 AM (#2670813)

1. Dude, you need to hear the Richard Thompson version.

3. I was hoping those were primer chimp panties.

5. Signing Juan Gonzalez is NOT a worse idea than trading Kazmir for Zambrano ... though that was damn funny.

6. I feel sorry for Mrs. Szym -- ages 2, 3, 4, 5, 6? Give the poor woman a break Dan.

44. Dan Szymborski

Posted: January 18, 2008 at 01:10 AM (#2670830)

6. I feel sorry for Mrs. Szym -- ages 2, 3, 4, 5, 6? Give the poor woman a break Dan.

Sweet Jesus, I have no children.

45. Rafael Bellylard: The Grinch of Orlando. Posted: January 18, 2008 at 01:21 AM (#2670837)

I noticed that was one adult with five children. If it were my second ex-wife, this wouldn't qualify as a bad idea, no matter whose kids they were.

46. Rocco's Not-so Malfunctioning Mitochondria Posted: January 18, 2008 at 01:56 AM (#2670860)

http://www.baseballthinkfactory.org/files/oracle/discussion/devil_rays_recalled_taylor/

Still my favorite.

47. VegasRobb Posted: January 18, 2008 at 02:01 AM (#2670864)

Excellent!

48. Sammy's Corked Whine Posted: January 18, 2008 at 02:03 AM (#2670867)

I still think the best one ever is:
http://www.baseballthinkfactory.org/files/oracle/discussion/devil_rays_signed_alomar/

49. Zonk isn't banned, he's under review Posted: January 18, 2008 at 02:12 AM (#2670873)

Mr. Szymborski - Tom Cruise's lawyer is on the phone....

Should I take a message?

50. Harvey Berkman Posted: January 18, 2008 at 02:38 AM (#2670892)

I always liked the Jacque Jones signing with Chicago one, but this is outstanding.

51. MSI Posted: January 18, 2008 at 03:13 AM (#2670916)

Uh, what was the thread like for the Juan Pierre signing?

52. Dan The Mediocre is one of "the rest" Posted: January 18, 2008 at 04:03 AM (#2670939)

Shoot, I was hoping you guys wouldn't notice they were longbowmen. In my attempts to get good terrain and a shot of both armies at once, I accidentally got the computer disorganized a bit. The knights would scattered the bowmen, but not the 5 units of heavy billmen.

I am simultaneously ashamed and proud to have been able to tell that they were billmen.

I should also note that I see the rest of your army behind the hills.

53. Dan Szymborski

Posted: January 18, 2008 at 04:18 AM (#2670949)

Those are trees on the Hattin map. I just had the one knight group against longbowmen and billmen.

54. cardsfanboy

Posted: January 18, 2008 at 04:29 AM (#2670954)

I have no problem with taking a flier on any player, but of course with the current managements decision making, our probably best outfielder (ludwick) will be the odd man out if Juan remotely shows an ability to play.(not like that is really possible)

55. dr. bleachers Posted: January 18, 2008 at 04:32 AM (#2670955)

I think Barton is more likely the expendable outfielder, CFB. It would be a shame if Juan got lucky on a couple of hanging sliders in Florida and the kid went back to Buffalo for 2008.

56. My guest will be Jermaine Allensworth Posted: January 18, 2008 at 04:50 AM (#2670962)

The Reggie Taylor one still holds as my favorite.

57. Internet Commenter Posted: January 18, 2008 at 05:08 AM (#2670969)

The Kazmir trade is the gift that just keeps on giving.

58. stealfirstbase Posted: January 18, 2008 at 05:27 AM (#2670976)

Hey, what game is that seventh "bad idea" from? I generally love strategy games, and I might like to give that one a try.

59. KJOK Posted: January 18, 2008 at 05:31 AM (#2670979)

I would have to say I think playind Diamond Mind and using Travelocity are two EXCELLENT ideas.....oh wait, that's not what he meant...

60. Balkroth Posted: January 18, 2008 at 06:15 AM (#2670987)

Hey, what game is that seventh "bad idea" from? I generally love strategy games, and I might like to give that one a try.

I believe it's Medieval: Total War, but I haven't played that game in a few years. Definately fun though.

61. cardsfanboy

Posted: January 18, 2008 at 06:23 AM (#2670990)

I think Barton is more likely the expendable outfielder, CFB. It would be a shame if Juan got lucky on a couple of hanging sliders in Florida and the kid went back to Buffalo for 2008.

seems possible, with the way this organization has gone out of its way to prevent Brendan Ryan from even getting a legitimate chance to play, it wouldn't suprise me if they block someone else for an over the hill veteran. (I'm just glad Taguchi signed a guaranteed contract)

Cardinals best lineup is C yadier, 1b Pujols, 2b Kennedy, SS Ryan, 3b Glaus, of Ludwick, duncan and ankiel....

the likely lineup is Yadier, Pujols, Miles, Izturis, Glaus, Ankiel, Duncan, Juan/schumaker.

62. Zonk isn't banned, he's under review Posted: January 18, 2008 at 02:18 PM (#2671069)

Since it appears that there are a number of Total War fans here, describe your affinity...

I never cared much for the Age of Empires, Cossacks: European Wars, type games - it always seemed to devolve into nothing but a click and melee pixel fest. There would always be this breathless push in the manuals to properly balance your armies, use formations, etc --- then inevitably, it turned into a "who can build more faster" game.

I've always preferred more the Paradox shop type games (Europa Univeralis, the Hearts of Iron series, etc)...

Has Total War really managed to bridge the gap between the two sub-genres?

63. 1k5v3L

Posted: January 18, 2008 at 02:21 PM (#2671072)

Let me be the latest poster to say "BRAVO, DAN!"

I love the name of your lottery in 4: EL_GORDO LOTTERY DE LA PRIMITIVA. Priceless.

64. Grunthos Posted: January 18, 2008 at 03:21 PM (#2671145)

Total War has only partially bridged the gap. It's by no means a pure clickfest... the strategy elements are pretty solid, although they've made some limiting design decisions along the way. The mod community has produced some really slick upgrades, too. But the tactical AI remains abysmal. The series cries out for a moddable AI, which would get pretty good pretty quick with all the interested parties that would work on it.

65. 185/456(GGC) Posted: January 18, 2008 at 03:33 PM (#2671153)

I have no problem with taking a flier on any player, but of course with the current managements decision making, our probably best outfielder (ludwick) will be the odd man out if Juan remotely shows an ability to play.(not like that is really possible)

I figured that the rationale behind this was to have him face Mike Maroth in batting practice as a sort of, you know, confidence booster for Mike.

66. Dan Szymborski

Posted: January 18, 2008 at 03:42 PM (#2671160)

The Total War games are quite different from the Age of Empires games. They're not RTSs. The battle map and campaign map are separate entities in the game. When you're on the campaign map, movements are turn-based and the emphasis is far more on diplomacy, city improvements, and forming armies than it is about hoarding resources (of which there's practically none other than having enough commercial stuff and taxes to fund your army).

Total War also has a very active mod community that gets support from the developers. There are a number of mods out there that completely change the game (and you don't lose the original game either).

The one downside of Medieval 2 is that it has fairly high system requirements, though that's less of a big deal as the game's over a year old now. But still, unless you have at least a GB of RAM and a video card that dates at least from 2004/2005, you might want to try the original Medieval Total War instead!

67. Dan Szymborski

Posted: January 18, 2008 at 03:42 PM (#2671161)

The series cries out for a moddable AI, which would get pretty good pretty quick with all the interested parties that would work on it.

There are in fact user-made AI patches out there.

68. McCoy Posted: January 18, 2008 at 06:20 PM (#2671298)

I dislike the new strategy interface that they adopted for Rome Total War and then used for MTW2. I liked the old RISK type interface of moving icons over a map instead of little people walking around the map.

Basically now the game has become a cross between Civilization and Civil War though technically Civil War had the same strategy map zoom into battle type interface.

Out of all of them Hearts of Iron is probaly the most complicated and has an extremely high micro-management required gameplay. Europa was good too but again there is a lot of micro managing in that one as well. Plus you have to be really patient in that game and do things that will get result decades into the future.

69. Dan Szymborski

Posted: January 18, 2008 at 06:27 PM (#2671308)

Out of all of them Hearts of Iron is probaly the most complicated and has an extremely high micro-management required gameplay. Europa was good too but again there is a lot of micro managing in that one as well. Plus you have to be really patient in that game and do things that will get result decades into the future.

Crusader Kings just got an add-on release that fixes a lot of the interface problems, so if you're a Paradox fan, I'd check it out.

70. Zonk isn't banned, he's under review Posted: January 18, 2008 at 06:32 PM (#2671313)

OK - thanks, all.

Dan's note about sys reqs probably means I'll have to pass for now... The grand strategy AND battlefield level tactical mix does intrigue me, though.

If anyone from congress or the administration is reading this -- I've decided I'm not really interested in financing a new PC, so I'm socking cash away... current savings + tax refund still leaves me a couple hundy (~$500) short of the setup I'm looking at, so keep that in mind as you debate a stimulus package!

71. You can keep your massive haul Posted: January 18, 2008 at 07:01 PM (#2671350)

Wood Chopper!

72. Dan The Mediocre is one of "the rest" Posted: January 18, 2008 at 07:01 PM (#2671351)

I dislike the new strategy interface that they adopted for Rome Total War and then used for MTW2. I liked the old RISK type interface of moving icons over a map instead of little people walking around the map.

I have to admit I like the new one better. It's more to the actual campaign style you would have seen then, and offers a chance to march through allies to hit enemies, as well as help allies during invasions.

Dan's note about sys reqs probably means I'll have to pass for now... The grand strategy AND battlefield level tactical mix does intrigue me, though.

Play Rome: Total War.

73. Grunthos Posted: January 18, 2008 at 08:23 PM (#2671413)

There are in fact user-made AI patches out there.

Yes, I know. I use them where possible... but CA has limited the AI modding capacity to initial formations and other peripheral AI helpers. Units still run around like headless chickens once you start the fight. Giving the mod community access to the real nuts-and-bolts settings would help quite a bit.

Play Rome: Total War.

I second this advice. R:TW isn't as much of a system hog, and there are very polished mods for it that can do wonders for the gameplay. My personal fave is Europa Barbarorum (www.europabarbarorum.com), but you can wander around Total War Center (www.twcenter.net) and find dozens of others.

74. Der Komminsk-sar Posted: January 18, 2008 at 08:42 PM (#2671425)

Now I know how my wife feels when I talk about baseball.

75. Geoff Young Posted: January 18, 2008 at 10:02 PM (#2671492)

Well played, sir. I've actually had nightmares involving that Britney playlist.

76. Miserable, Non-Binary Candy is all we deserve CoB Posted: January 18, 2008 at 10:32 PM (#2671515)

wow ... that europa barbarorum mod looks fantastic, i might have to dust off R:TW this weekend and give it a spin

77. DJ Endless Grudge Can Use Multiple Slurp Juices Posted: January 19, 2008 at 01:53 AM (#2671601)

Cardinals best lineup is C yadier, 1b Pujols, 2b Kennedy, SS Ryan, 3b Glaus, of Ludwick, duncan and ankiel....

the likely lineup is Yadier, Pujols, Miles, Izturis, Glaus, Ankiel, Duncan, Juan/schumaker.

Actually, ZiPS seems to think more highly of Miles than Kennedy, and I'd tend to agree with that.

This is not to say that Miles is good. Just... Kennedy is bad.

78. greenback does not like sand

Posted: January 19, 2008 at 02:05 AM (#2671607)

I figured that the rationale behind this was to have him face Mike Maroth in batting practice as a sort of, you know, confidence booster for Mike.

Maroth was cut loose. It would apply for Mark Mulder though, especially with Tyler Herron (homophone) and Brian Barton in camp.

79. Brandon in MO (Yunitility Infielder) Posted: January 19, 2008 at 02:13 AM (#2671609)

So, which idea is bette, violating the copyrights of Scientology or signing Juan Gonzalez?

80. Dan Szymborski

Posted: January 19, 2008 at 02:28 AM (#2671620)

So, which idea is bette, violating the copyrights of Scientology or signing Juan Gonzalez?

I'm fairly certain that the usage above easily falls within fair use.

81. Brandon in MO (Yunitility Infielder) Posted: January 19, 2008 at 04:03 AM (#2671645)

well, I wasn't suggesting that your screenshot violated copyright. I was asking if signing Gonzalez would be better than posting OT8 in it's entireity.

82. Johnny Tuttle Posted: January 19, 2008 at 12:43 PM (#2671700)

Dan, you're the best.

And do I need to link to the Alomar one to be able to toast er post here? It's linked here like 5 times.

83. DCW3 Posted: January 19, 2008 at 07:48 PM (#2671899)

Actually, ZiPS seems to think more highly of Miles than Kennedy, and I'd tend to agree with that.

This is not to say that Miles is good. Just... Kennedy is bad.

Miles might be a better hitter at this point, but I think Kennedy's defense makes him the better starting option. Of course, a bullet to the head is a better option than either.

84. Harvey Berkman Posted: January 19, 2008 at 08:55 PM (#2671915)

Here's one of my faves:

http://www.baseballthinkfactory.org/files/oracle/discussion/cubs_signed_jones/

85. The Adam Dunn Effort #44 Posted: January 20, 2008 at 09:56 PM (#2672539)

Tom Cruise is going to be pissed.

86. The Anthony Kennedy of BBTF (Scott) Posted: January 21, 2008 at 12:13 AM (#2672568)

i've gotta say, i love medieval 2 more than rome. that may be because i adore cavalry uber alles, and medieval lets me do more with them.

*flankflankflankflankflank*

also, brilliant, Dan. bravo.

87. McCoy Posted: January 21, 2008 at 12:23 AM (#2672569)

MTW 2 was the first time I really got to use the cavalry effectively. I don't know if it was me or if it was the computer program but it seems that MTW2 handles the cavalry charges much better then the previous versions. I love watching the lancers go tearing into a unit and having the bodies go flying.

88. Len Lansford, Carney Barker Posted: January 21, 2008 at 12:26 AM (#2672571)

Thanks, Kevin Mitchell Report. That's my all-time TO favorite.

And I didn't know there were so many wargame geeks here too. Y'all have me thinking of digging out MTW2 and EU3 now.

89. cardsfanboy

Posted: January 21, 2008 at 01:42 AM (#2672602)

Actually, ZiPS seems to think more highly of Miles than Kennedy, and I'd tend to agree with that.

This is not to say that Miles is good. Just... Kennedy is bad.

I don't agree personally, Kennedy had a bad year last year which is heavily influencing any prediction, but part of that was injury, slow start and lack of confidence from his manager all conspired. If both Miles and Kennedy played 150 games, there is zero belief in me that Miles will end up having the better season.

90. Dan Szymborski

Posted: January 21, 2008 at 01:49 AM (#2672608)

And I didn't know there were so many wargame geeks here too. Y'all have me thinking of digging out MTW2 and EU3 now.

I think it's part of baseball's demographics. A big part of being a nutty baseball fan is appreciating baseball's history, so I'm guessing nutty baseball fans have appreciation of history in general more than the average person. Plus, BTF is predominantly male, white, ages 18-49, and probably middle-to-upper-middle class, so you also get a key video game demographic and a key History Channel demographic.

91. McCoy Posted: January 21, 2008 at 02:21 AM (#2672624)

and a key History Channel demographic.

The History Channel ain't what it used to be. Ice Road Truckers ain't history it's pandering to the stupid reality genre.

92. Dan Evensen Posted: January 21, 2008 at 02:36 AM (#2672628)

OMFG HE IZ FUNIE AGAYN!

Nice post, Dan. Up there with the famous Orioles - Signed Baez trade, as well as the Baseball Stars demonstration of the Cubs with Jacques Jones.

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Cards - Might Sign Juan Gonzalez

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